Alexithymia
by peterpauper
Summary: There's more to living than being alive. GrimmjowxOC
1. Chapter 1

-

**Chapter 1**

_-_

_I've heard it said that people come into our lives for a reason  
Bringing something we must learn  
And we are led to those who help us most to grow if we let them  
And we help them in return  
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true  
But I know I'm who I am today  
Because I knew you_

_(Wicked, For Good)_

_-_

White walls. White floor. White ceiling. Black light. It did not matter how pristine and clear an object was, if it was seen through darkness it was not seen at all.

A constant night sat lazily over Hueco Mundo. It stretched its inky form all the way to the horizon and blotted out any memory of daylight. Fortunately there was the moon. A high, round silver moon that played cards with the few stars that dared show their faces.

Las Noches hung like a picture in the middle of the desolate land. It framed the world whist being the centre of the image. The vast building housed the heart and soul of Hueco Mundo. It was the throbbing organ that pulsated life into those who last remembered themselves dead. It was the palace that housed the Arrancar and the Espada. It was the throne room in which Aizen sat.

A figure reclined on a pale green sofa somewhere within Las Noches. Their room was spartan except for their current seat, a silver chair and table set and a low bed with white covers. The far wall, the one that was neither the door, nor the window, nor the one that accompanied the sofa, housed numerous books. Whatever books that had become available the figure had taken them and read and then put on the wall like treasures. There were very few and most were intoxicatingly thin, some in obscure languages and very few of real interest. Still, they were knowledge of something beyond Hueco Mundo, Las Noches and the realm of Soul Society. They had been obtained on missions in the Real World. Not stolen, not borrowed, not bought – simply obtained.

The figure turned a sharp face to the window and blinked casually at the view. The sand dunes had moved slightly. The moon had not. A female form emerged as the person sat straight and then stood. It was not so much female as it was not male. Her figure was tall and athletic; the sort you find on a fourteen year old girl who found puberty late but had already uncovered the gift of vertical height. Yes, that sort. The willowy, slightly awkward sporty kind that has learned to be graceful and controlled with their demeanour. The girl had dark hair that would have spilled to somewhere below her shoulder blades had it not been swept back into a ponytail.

She crossed her room and placed a thin paperback on-top of her prized possession. It was titled 'Greys Anatomy' and made absolutely no sense whatsoever. Absolutely none.

There was no knock at her door before it opened. It simply swung wide and spoke freely.

"Oi, brat. You're late."  
"You're early, Grimmjow." The girl turned to the door and straightened her posture. "I am never late."

"You were today." The blue haired Espada said antagonistically. "Hurry up."

The 'Brat' silently passed the man in her doorway and pulled her door shut, forcing him to move back into the hallway. "For the umpteenth time, I have a name."

Kira. Kira Sato. Ninth Espada. Or rather, recent ninth Espada. The former rank had belonged to a man unable to fight in the light and had been found useless by Aizen for little more than evening sport. The Espada were evolving, he needed a mobile force; an elite mobile force. Kira had made her way into the exclusive unit though sheer cunning and luck. She had been waiting, watching, timing her aim right, doing all in her power to win a place in the Espada. The day came when Kurosaki Ichigo returned to the Real World and made his presence felt, intentionally or no, to those watching his little town. Powerful though the old Espada Nine had been, his ability in a group was not enough to be a long-term profit. However, Kira allowed him to claim his old rank as he dwelled in Las Noches and pretend like the days of old were the days of present.

Nine was still a long way off one after all.

Grimmjow walked half a pace in front of the girl, his hands buried in his pockets and his shoulders arched characteristically in egoism. Kira had her hands by her sides, her gaze straight ahead and somewhat superior – as if she were a fallen noble. Often, the pair clashed but more often than not they got on in a weird, comrade manner. Like war buddies who met on the train and confirmed something on the battle field. They didn't have to like each other to not want to part ways. Camaraderie has that sort of influence on even the most uninfluential mind. Not that they didn't like each other, but rather that they didn't not.

Either way, due to similarities and differences, they had found in each other a beneficial training partner. Grimmjow won most of the time. All of the time. Every time. However, he used Kira as speed and agility training. It was her specialty. Some people housed brute force, some wit, some intelligence, some a hybrid – Kira tied speed and agility into one swift form and used it to her advantage. She used Grimmjow in her training as a base to her Vidi, Veni, Vici philosophy – if you must kill, kill quickly. If you must maim, maim swiftly. If you must complete a task, complete it with efficiency and speed. You come, you see, you conquer. The end.

"Are you going to use your 'get it over with' mindset that makes you weak today?" Grimmjow glanced over his shoulder at the girl.

She smiled faintly. "I am not weak, Grimmjow. I'm simply not as strong as you." Her tone was slightly bored and a little assuming.

"You never will be with that half-assed attitude, brat." He replied haughtily.

Kira kept her gaze straight ahead as her smile turned smug. "Don't get smug yet, Grimmjow. You haven't earned your victory."

The man scoffed, amused as they entered a great open hall. "I can already smell it, you're going to lose again, brat."

"You're not the only one who wants to win." Came the stout reply.

A minute later, Grimmjow was watching her across the room, preparing to attack. Kira wore a pair of stovepipe white pants and the typical black and white Arrancar footwear. Tucked into her pants was a black singlet. A white, open cut jacket with a black collar sat over the top and settled its length just below her hip bone. Her Hollow mask sat across her left cheekbone. It reached to the inner corner of her eye and turned sharply down, like the tear-marks on a cheetah. It stopped half an inch from the turndown and formed a point.

In a moment, the image was gone. Kira had moved. She appeared behind Grimmjow and swung a kick at the side of his head. The blue haired Espada disappeared with a smirk and reappeared behind the girl. She turned as he struck at her and grabbed his wrist. Kira pulled her partner toward herself and lifted her knee to his stomach. As it made contact, she swung her shin around and caught the side of his torso before letting Grimmjow's wrist go and moving swiftly away.  
The sixth Espada muttered a derogatory curse aimed at the girl and grinned psychotically. "Don't hold back, brat."

Kira stood across the room again, knowing that he had contained himself to let her into a delusional advantage. "Ready?"  
"For you? I could be ready for you in my sleep." He mocked.

"Don't get any ideas." The girl was suddenly beside the man, her katana drawn from its sheath at her hip.

Grimmjow pulled his own blade out and delighted in the noise it made as it forced itself upon Kira's. The fight went on for a few swift minutes. The girl was fast, very, very fast and remarkably flexible. Grimmjow, on the other hand, could not match her speed at full force but could overpower her on a whim. She attacked, attacked, attacked, retreated. Grimmjow simply attacked, agile assault after agile assault to force his opponent back and into his grip.

Kira could not hold her own for an extended period of time. She was a sprinter, not an endurance runner. Things needed to be done quickly and efficiently or she would fade. She was fading. Not as swiftly as the first time but not as slowly as she would like.

"Is that all you have, brat?" Grimmjow slashed upwards forcefully.

Kira felt her sword vibrate violently in her hands, the impact carried through her forearms causing her to flinch. "For now, Grimmjow." She said defiantly.

For now. She would get stronger, faster, better. Eventually. It was a long race and she had to adapt.

Grimmjow slashed upwards at her again. This time the girl used the force to lift her off her feet and over the head of her opponent. She lunged at him after turning swiftly and met his block with force. Grimmjow, however, did not swing to attack her again. He leant in towards her, gripped her arm and pulled her over his shoulder with a triumphant laugh, his psychotic grin etched into his features already. It was almost over.

Kira used her free hand to her advantage and dug her nails into Grimmjow's neck on passing. The Sixth Espada grimaced angrily as the stinging and burning of his opponent's nails sliced a shallow path across his flesh. He did not falter in his victory cry and let the girls arm go as she passed over his shoulder. She flew into the opposite wall before she could react and slid to the floor to catch her breath.

"Good sesh, Grimmjow. Good sesh." She smiled at him across the room.

Grimmjow slung his sword casually over his shoulder and stared her down smugly. "For you, brat. I need a better opponent."

"I'm getting there, I'm getting there." She waved him off and dug the top of her katana into the ground beside her. "I got you good this time."

"Oh yeah, a flesh wound." Came the mocking reply. "If we were fighting for real, you would be dead by now."  
"I would have released my true form by now." She corrected.

"And I would have still won, brat." His tone was cocky, though right.

Kira sighed. "I'm still faster than you, Grimmjow. Don't forget."

"Oh, I won't." The Blue Haired Espada raised a hand to his neck. He was bleeding. He swore at the girl under his breath.

She stood up and sheathed her sword. "Don't worry, Grimmjow." She said deridingly. "It's just a 'flesh wound', remember?"  
Kira was not bleeding; she was just worn and beaten. Which was better, she already knew. No victory came without sacrifice.

Grimmjow stared at the girl curiously. "You got faster, brat."  
"You got stronger, fur ball."

The man laughed deeply, well humoured by her efforts. "One day, I'll kill you."  
"Keep telling yourself that, Grimmjow, keep telling yourself that." Kira stood casually in front of him. "Sake?"  
"Hell yes." Came the cocky reply.

Kira followed him out, her jacket had a short tear in it and there was dirt on her face, but she had never felt so alive. Fighting, getting better at fighting – it felt good. Improvement was pleasurable. They had only been sparring half an hour, but it had been a beneficial half hour indeed. It went by fast, but Kira had moved by faster than ever before. Espada Nine was a believable achievement now and one she almost deserved. No one deserved Espada status, but everyone who was one deserved to believe they were. No one was so bad that they deserved to be titled part of the top nine most efficient killers in Hueco Mundo, but everyone was good enough to claim the abilities that came with the title. It was a lose win situation, an inevitable impasse of morals. Good thing Espada had none.

-

_Grimmjow padded through Hueco Mundo, the moon overhead. He had just fed on a poor, unfortunate __Adjuchas-class Menos and felt satisfied. Even so, his level of power did not lift nor fall. It remained constant and without change. _

_Optimality. He was optimal for his current condition and yet he craved more. He needed a new environment, a new path. Something different. _

_In the distance, a small dust cloud lifted. The strength of a reiatsu unknown to the panthera reverberated across the sand. Interest piqued within Grimmjow and he paced nearer to the source of change. _

_A long, lithe figure shot past him on the sand. Ahead of it had been a small Adjuchas-class Menos, probably fresh from beneath the sand. New prey. Light and fast. A short growl emanated from the chaser as they drew parallel to the large cat. Grimmjow turned his head to see what had defended itself against him in passing. _

_A thin, feline figure, shorter and lighter than he was, turned sharply as the smaller Menos dodged away. She stuck an agile foreleg out and hooked it around the leg of her victim, causing it to stumble with a roar and tumble on the ground. The Cheetah-like Adjuchas kept grip on the animal and tumbled over with it, her jaws soon locked around its throat in victory. By this time, they were far from where Grimmjow stood. The speed of the animal along with her ability to maneuver was phenomenal but the power of her form could not take anything that relied on brute strength and endurance down. Not yet. _

_Standing, the feline maintained its grip on its now still victim. It had been a swift an accurate death. She was charcoal in __colour with light grey facial markings that resembled tear marks down her face. The tip of her tail was rimmed in the same colour and it flicked in an agitated manner as she stared down the large panther that watched from the top of a dune._

_She dropped her prey and stood over it defensively. "Who are you?"  
"Grimmjow." Came the rough reply. _

_There was a pause. "Grimmjow." She stated, her guard up. "Are you hungry, Grimmjow?" _

_This surprised the panther. "No."_

"_Are you looking for a fight?"  
"No." Came the steady reply. _

_The feline's posture relaxed some. "Then stay with me."_

_This surprised Grimmjow further. "Why would I stay with a weakling who can only take down pathetic prey?"  
"You wouldn't." Came the honest reply. _

_There was a silence. "What's your name, brat?"  
"Kira."_

_For reasons unknown, Grimmjow strode down the dune and stood before his newest acquaintance. He stared at the form she had taken down and then back up at her. Her figure was comprised of a deep chest and a tucked in torso. Her spine was flexible and her legs long. She was built for speed, not fight. A perfect scout. A perfect distraction. Maybe, one day, a perfect fighter. She had potential. _

"_You are more powerful than I, but I will not follow you." She said, flatly. "But I will stay with you."_

_Grimmjow met her eye. "Give me one good reason why I should let you."  
"Camaraderie." Kira didn't back down. Yet. _

_The panther growled long and low at her in a threatening way. Her posture became defensive, her entire being taught like a bowstring. The male laughed deeply, sadistically almost at her response. "I already ate, you don't interest me, brat."  
"Then why are you here?" She shot back, almost growling back at him. _

"_Did I scare you?" Grimmjow asked mockingly. "Did I make you question your lack of power?"  
"The former."_

_Silence. "Camaraderie?"_

"_Hai." _

_Grimmjow turned his back on the female and headed back up the hill. Half an hour later, she was at his shoulder, silently, staring straight ahead as he eyed her from the corner of his vision. He did not protest at her arrival in his life, she seemed to know the boundaries already. They were similar in formation. As if made by the same designer. It was an exceptionally rare occurrence to find one like another. And yet, there they were; a large, powerful panther and a sleek, swift cheetah. Two cats. Two __Adjuchas-class Menos and as such, a pair of survivors and fighters. __  
One needs more than power to survive. It is a built in instinct to find another, even if for a short time, to keep one company. To prove that there is more to existence than existence itself. _

-

An hour later, on some balcony, Grimmjow sat with his legs dangling over the edge as he stared into the distance. Kira leant beside him, looking the other way.

They had known each other a long time. Since they had been Adjuchas-class Menos. There was a familiarity there. A knowledge of the past and a respect of the other. Some people would call that friendship. Possibly. The pair had simply found each other.

Grimmjow was a king and Kira needed something to channel her power into. She did not trust the panther-like Hollow at that point, but something overpowering made her need his company. It had been a long time since she had had company and during that time, even longer since he had. They were too similar to devour each other and to different to find continual company together. She was not one of his Fracción, if anything Kira was a vice-captain like figure that found herself incognito with Grimmjow. She kept coming back to him and he kept letting her for some reason. Maybe he enjoyed the company. They were like each other's shadows; appearing and staying there and vanishing when not required yet always nearby. Either way, there was an unseen an unappreciated depth there; a hybrid of time and understanding.

"Grimmjow." Kira said, arms crossed. "Promise me one thing." Her tone was quiet and serious.

"Hm?" Grimmjow turned his gaze sideways to see a small sliver of her.

"Don't die." Came the frank answer.

The man scoffed. "It's a promise."

Kira smiled haughtily. Her tone remained the same as she stared at Las Noches and its endless corridors. "It goes on forever, doesn't it?"

Grimmjow stared back at the sands of Hueco Mundo. He was silent a moment. "Yeah." His tone seemed nostalgic almost.

The girl stayed with him because he was the only character she had found that displayed any sort of development or feeling. He got surprised, lazy, angry; he might always be cocky, but he had more than a one dimensional personality unlike many other Espada. He was good company to keep, though her conscience told her otherwise. His pride made him more human and more realistic than any other soul she knew. It lit something in her that she liked.

"Don't look so serious, brat." Grimmjow said flatly. "It makes me sick."

She handed him the sake bottle that sat near her elbow. The man took it without a word and drained the last of the liquor before tossing the empty casket off the balcony edge and watching it fall somewhere below.

"Tomorrow." Kira said, pushing herself upright again.

"Why would I fight you tomorrow if I beat you today?" Came the stoic reply.

The girl glanced over her shoulder. "Not so I can beat you, but so I can best you."

"Selfish brat." Grimmjow stated, scurrilously.

"Now that I'm Espada, you're going to see me a lot more." Kira turned slightly to the man. "Get used to it."

She left to the noise of Grimmjow laughing to himself at her words and couldn't help but ignore him pleasantly as she went about the rest of her day.

_-_

_This is an obsession, a kind of aggression with himself  
It's the way he'll always be  
He loves to rebel to go against his ten commandments  
For him, that's just being free._

And he always will, get his thrills, the only way he knows how  
Well it might make you frown  
But he loves, being that dove, roaming where he cares to go  
To a state of mind that no-one knows

Over there stands my angry angel  
And he's shaking his head, in disgrace with me  
Yeah over there stands my angry angel  
And he's frowning like hell, but I'm not feeling guilty

_(Imogen Heap, Angry Angel)_

_-_

--------------

**An Important Note:**

On the topic of romance: Grimmjow is Grimmjow, so unless he has amnesia he does not possess much (if any) ability to be romantic. This story is not intended to be romantic or fluff, I just don't see it in Grimmjow's character to be like that, so don't hang out for it. I really want to explore him as a character as well as exploring some of the themes that surround relationships (not necessarily romantic), development and the deeper side of the human persona.

Kira is not a Mary-Sue, I do apologise if she came across that way in this chapter. It was not my intention. She is totally different to any other character I've written before, she has her pros and cons. I hope you enjoy her as much as I enjoy writing her.

Anyway, this story will start prior to the beginning of the Hueco Mundo Arc and follow the rough Bleach plot from there.

Thanks for reading, don't forget to review (even if you didn't like it - constructive criticism welcome). You're support is needed and appreciated.

Blessings,

Peterpauper.


	2. Chapter 2

-

**Chapter 2**

_Well you stole it 'cause I needed the cash and you killed it 'cause I wanted revenge  
Well you lied to me 'cause I asked you to; baby, can we still be friends  
Oh, the deeper I spin, Oh, the hunter will sin for your ivory skin  
Took a drive in the dirty rain to a place where the wind calls your name  
Under the trees the river laughing at you and me  
Hallelujah, heavens white rose  
The doors you open I just can't close_

_(U2, Who's gonna Ride your Wild Horses)_

_-_

Karakura Town was silent. It was shortly after midnight and the evening was thinking about hanging around for longer than it should. The moon was barely a sliver of light that evening and the stars used the opportunity to burn brighter than before. Attention grabbers.

A Garganta opened above the quiet and ripped the sky, challenging darkness with darkness. Out of the gate stepped a figure clad in white. They were there for a singular purpose that wouldn't take long to complete. The Espada stepped into the Real World and felt the reiatsu that emanated from the town. It was unusually high and unusually restless. Kira glanced around, a very high reiatsu oozed lazily from somewhere in the town. Whoever it was had very little control over hiding their spiritual energy. Either that or they had a lot of power. Kira began to chase the dense spiritual energy ahead of her. She had express orders to keep her presence as much of a secret as possible. She was not there to kill anyone or anything. She was there to gather information. When Aizen had sent her to Karakura Town with express orders not to 'take anyone out', she had been surprised. She had questioned him on why sending an Espada for an information trip was necessary to which the reply had been vague. Surely there were Arrancar capable of a quick in-and-our job with little purpose? Kira was slightly peeved with her menial task; enough to make her want to kill something.

The girl arrived above a small residence; a clinic of some sort. The whole house attached reeked of reiatsu. It was no surprise that Hollows attacked the town so frequently. Kira stood above the place and peered down upon it. All the lights were off. Everything was silent. The girl ran the pad of her forefinger over the nail of her thumb repeatedly in thought before approaching the house slowly. Unexpectedly, her whole body went into response to the reiatsu inside; as if preparing for some sort of battle. Her demeanor closed up some and she became more cautious of those within the house.

The girl prowled to a window in the second story and peered inside. It was a very typical human room. There was a desk against the wall, a closet opposite the window and a bed below the glass. Kira glanced down at the figure sleeping under the covers. They hadn't sensed her near-hidden reiatsu. And yet...and yet...the Espada felt her hackles go up in response to him. It surprised her. He surprised her. This was he. The Substitute Shinigami. The orange-haired boy who broke into Soul Society. The girl stared flatly at him, if she had a heart it would have faltered a moment in shock. Despite his youth, she could feel his power like a threat. It seared through her conscience and made her want to remove him as quickly as possible.

The Novana Espada removed herself from the window and disappeared back to the sky. Aizen was right to send an Espada. Anything less could have risked being noticed, risked raising the alarm, risked drawing the attention of the slumbering youth. That would be a disaster. Soul Society would respond swiftly and the town would become more difficult to take.

Kira opened a Garganta high above the house of the enemy and slipped back into Las Noches.

-

"You were not noticed?"  
"No."  
"Did you uncover anything interesting."  
"Hai."

Aizen stared with blasé expectancy at the girl before him. She had returned to him swiftly and in one piece. "Well..." He prompted.

She brought his eyes up to his. "You'll have to remove the Substitute Shinigami."

This made the leader curious. "Has his power grown since I last saw him?"

"I would not know, I do now know his previous powers. However his current ones are large enough to be a significant threat."

"Significant, you say?"

"Hai."

The throne room was empty except for the pair and their words. A single chair stood in front of a panoramic view of Hueco Mundo and watched from an elevated level. Upon this seat was Aizen. The leader of the Espada, of the Arrancar, of Las Noches. The controller of the underworld and the giver of power. Kira stood a good ten paces in front of him, her posture a little worn. Though she had only been gone a short time, she was already tired. Stress ate away at her, growing on the inside.

"You did not think of engaging him?" Gin appeared in the doorway of the vast room. He was smiling creepily. "Removing the Substitute for Aizen-sama?"  
"You told me to not harm anyone." Kira replied steadily at Aizen. She faltered in her speech for a moment as she spoke her next words, unsure of their effect . "But I did think of removing him."  
"Would you have been able to?" Aizen stated lightly, unfazed at her potential opposition.

The girl hesitated. "No." There was no doubt in her mind that, should she have had the ability, she would have torn into the man and removed him outright – Aizen or no Aizen.

Aizen smiled auspiciously and maintained his smooth tone. "Congratulations on your swift return."

Kira nodded once in respect and took her leave. Again, something unexpected gnawed away at her. It had started when she first laid eyes upon the house that the Shinigami slept in. Her instinct told her that it not a place to enter or defy but her head knew that Aizen was more powerful and defying him would be defying an entire world and not just her premonitions. It was a violent impasse.

"I wonder if she'd be able to out-run the Shinigami." Gin stated, amused as he watched the Espada leave.

The man on the throne lifted a hand to his chin characteristically. "I wonder if you'd be able to out-run her, Gin."

Gin smiled ever so slightly as she reached the door. Aizen's praise was praise indeed. His opinion was the one that mattered the most. He had given her power and she would give him what she could in return. The man chuckled to himself as Kira closed the door, leaving the ensuing conversation between Shinigami and Shinigami to private.

The girl did not feel the stress upon her lift as she walked away from the throne room. The man in the Real World had left a lasting impact upon her. Maybe she was overly sensitive to his powers, but she had the feeling that if he had known she was there, he would have taken her out as quickly as she would have retreated away. She could not fight him and that made her feel tense and negative. One day though, one day she would be able to. She would be able to fight the likes of him, even if not the man himself. She was determined to grow that much in her ability. However, what had really surprised her was how similar his aura was to her own. A Shinigami should have a pure, clear reiatsu; or so the belief went. The orange-haired enemy's had been a little murky in its placing. It had the aftertaste of a Hollow.

Kira made her way through the halls of Las Noches, her mind deep in thought. She ran her forefinger over her thumbnail again and again as she went. It was becoming habit. The girl was sure that, despite her supposed inability against the young man, Kira was sure that someone like Grimmjow or Ulquiorra would be able to take him down. That gave her a stable confidence regarding the matter.

Another figure was walking towards her. Their feet tapped the floor steadily, apathetically. Their skin colour almost blended into their environment; light grey, white, faded blues. Speak of the devil and he shall appear.

Ulquiorra spoke to the woman as they drew parallel to each other. "Kira." He said flatly, causing her to stop.

"Ulquiorra." She replied, acknowledging him. She had no qualms with Espada four.

Ulquiorra's dispassionate figure kept moving away, even though his tone had indicated her to stop. Kira frowned and turned to watch his back shift distance, his demeanor completely icy and detached. It made her question every conclusion she had made with regards to his nature and the nature of the soul. The man possessed little emotional qualities and denied that which he could not see. That which is emotion or what he called heart. Maybe his acknowledging her was him acknowledging her existence within the Espada ranks. Maybe he knew something she didn't.

After a moment of confusion, Kira turned away from the apathetic figure and continued towards her room. She dismissed the pathetic figure of the man she was growing to dislike.

The moment the girl opened her door was the moment she knew something was wrong.

"Get out." She ordered flatly.

"Welcome back, brat." Came the gruff response followed by a gleaming grin.

Grimmjow lounging on the sofa as if expecting her. "Got a battle scar yet?" He kept smiling sadistically.

"No, Grimmjow." Kira stated stoically at him. "I'm tired, go away."  
There was a short silence followed by clear, sarcastic defiance. "So, how was your day?"

He was purposely trying to annoy her. It annoyed her.

"What part of 'get out' and 'go away' don't you understand?" Kira moved over to her bookshelf to assure that everything was accounted for. "Leave." Her tone was steady and controlled. For the moment.

"Did someone beat the crap out of you? You look like shit."

"No." The girl turned around. "No, no one 'beat the crap' out of me."

"I'm honestly surprised." His voice lilted, amused.

Kira scoffed and stared at the Sexta Espada. Silence. Grimmjow did not move. He would move when he felt like it, not because anyone told him too. He had come to her room because he was bored and needed something to entertain him. She was not playing along. At all. It was not entertaining. He should have turned to his Fracción. They were not as strong, but hell, they had an ounce more potential.

"You're bugging me; you're bugging me on purpose because you're bored and a cocky bastard. Please, leave me alone. I'm stressed."

Grimmjow scoffed blatantly. She had officially bored him and managed to annoy him slightly. "You're not worth my time." The Blue Haired Espada stood and let his feigned interest fall into disgust.

Kira sighed as her intruder come company reached the door. She spoke silently. "There's this kid."

Grimmjow paused. "A kid stressed you out?"

"No. Yes." The girl pinched her nose. "Well, he's not a kid. He's...something else."  
"Like hell you fell in love with some punk from the Real World." Jumping the gun, Grimmjow spun around swiftly and stared Kira down violently.

"Yes, Grimmjow, I have a heart." Came the sarcastic reply. "No, I found this...Substitute Shinigami with enormous, uncontrolled reiatsu."

"Ah." The Sexta Espada grinned smugly. "You got frightened." This amused him greatly. This girl was swinging between negatively expressed moods like a PMSing teenager.  
"Again, wrong." Kira paused a moment and met Grimmjow's eye. "Grimmjow, I never, ever, ever want to be caught off guard by such an insignificant peon again. That is why I'm stressed."  
"Because you got careless." Grimmjow buried his hands in his pockets. "Baka."

The girl stared back at the man. Novena and Sexta. Neither said anything. The former was defiant, the latter cocky. Something had shifted within Kira, something had made her crave something she could not pinpoint. Something had rammed into her pride and she did not know what it was. Grimmjow had felt this all before. Felt it, tasted it, crushed it and moved on victoriously.

"Brat, you got thrown off by a human teenager." Grimmjow spat. "...worthless bastard."

"Grimmjow, this man broke into Soul Society and contested with Captains. You've heard the stories."

"No one believes stories anymore, brat. It's all crap."

"Well, it hit the fan. You could take the punk down in one shot but I can't. Not yet." She was pissed at this revelation of flaws. She was an Espada, she did not falter to a mere Shinigami.

"Why are you worried about a twerp?"  
Kira let a silence sit a minute for thought. "Because, he's got potential. He's got the potential to crush even you. He could be a real threat."  
At this, Grimmjow roared with laughter. "Me lose to a pathetic Shinigami? You've gone mad, brat, absolutely effing mad."

Kira gave up on him. Her instincts had gone into overdrive and probably tapped the emotional rig set up somewhere inside her. Yes, Espada, having attained logical thought and achieved Shinigami powers had somehow managed to feel more than pain and wild nature. They felt angry, defeated, joyous, sadistic, pathetic, weak, strong, crazy and controlled. The heart is not in the chest; it is created in the mind and is formed in whatever form it is allowed to form in.

A few days later, Yammy and Ulquiorra were sent to dispatch the Substitute Shinigami.

A few days later, Kira convinced herself that she had overreacted .

The sound of metal on metal roared through the empty space. The girl had lasted longer this time. Something in her was up. Not enough to advance in Espada, which was not her goal, but enough to feel sufficient and revived. Something to make her feel alive, if that's what they were. It was not within them to be afraid, it was like a sin. Repent or you will die. There is something about determination that can press through even that which you cannot achieve permanently.

Grimmjow grinned haughtily as Kira used Sonído to lunge at him from the side. He twisted his body away and thrust the butt of his sword into her shoulder as she passed him. The girl managed to dodge the attack by using her Sonído again but ended up getting a fist in the stomach. She used the opportunity of close range to deck her opponent in the face.

He laughed, mockingly. "Bitch."

Kira gripped Grimmjow's wrist. "Not so much." She smiled smugly at him through panted breaths.

Thanks to the revelation of whatever had been inwardly revealed, the pair had begun to spar frequently. It was an unsaid notion that kept Kira sane and Grimmjow amused. He was better than she was, it was a fact. Much better. Yet, she was still fast and intelligent. It made for a good, even though temporary, battle between similarly opposite souls.

Grimmjow swung his leg around casually and caught Kira off guard across the torso. "Stop napping, brat. Don't get slack on me."

The girl stumbled sideways and ran the back of her hand over her mouth. "Like hell I won't."

Kira kept firm in her new resolve; don't let the pathetic brutes uproot the elite killers. It defies natural order and confuses instinct. She was not wrong to tell Aizen to destroy the young man, but she was wrong in assuming him a threat to Hueco Mundo and Las Noches. He was not so high and mighty as to overthrow heaven and hell itself.

Kira met Grimmjow's blade head on and swung her own in opposition.

The Shinigami was just a boy.

The Blue Haired Espada smiled psychotically and used his own Sonído to appear behind her.

The Shinigami was just some punk. A rat. A substitute. A human.

Kira drove the butt of her sword backwards and felt Grimmjow grab it with his left hand and swing an attack around with his right. The girl watched as his blade stopped millimeters from her face.

"Brat." Grimmjow hissed in her ear before shoving the girl away.

To hell with them all.

_-_

_We who are born to destroy__ don't need a reason to destroy  
Much less a reason for why we were born to destroy  
I don't care that I don't know_

_(__Suwabe Junichi (Grimmjow), Six Feelings)_

_-_

_It had been a long time since Grimmjow had been moving around with Kira through the sands of Hueco Mundo. Everything seemed aimless, felt aimless, was aimless. Without a guide to channel their power into a higher form, things remained constant. _

_The female was sick of it and prowled around silently, constantly awake. In the end, she left Grimmjow to his vices and took to her own. They were neither partners nor friends nor companions. There was no affection there. The holes in their bodies ensured that and their minds concreted it. It was simply a placing of convenience and a desire against the monotony of loneliness. _

_Kira got up and moved off shortly before Grimmjow met his Fracción. She walked on her own for a very, very long time before coming to the __realisation__ that she had been on her own all along. It was not a bitter feeling, but rather a natural happening. No one expected more or suffered less. _

_It was during a stint in the sandy dessert of Hueco Mundo that Kira came across the enormous figure of Las Noches. She had not __realised__ the size of her world until she saw the universe she knew she had to be part of. It would take one more push at evolution to get there. Just one more. The closer she got to the palace, the more that became a reality. Many of those who had evolved to the correct state dwelled in colonies of Hollow, but that seemed like such a waste. Why sit on ability when you could wield it? No, she had to chase it. The hunt was in her blood. _

_Grimmjow had been resting when the female left. He did not move to get up as she did a few feet away. Her limbs looked fragile on their own and her face unreadable as she turned away and took her first step away. Ten steps later, she turned her head over her shoulder and met Grimmjow's eye. Nothing was said, nothing passed between them, nothing happened. The panther had simply raised his head to watch her. The only possible connection that occurred was an understanding of survival. Grimmjow could very well have stood up, struck out at the female and devoured her. She never offered herself to him as a Fracción and never would and as such, she had given him the choice to make her a victim or a comrade. Often she thought that it came down to the fact that he had just eaten and did not need to kill her that day. Often she doubted that theory. _

_Kira had turned her head away and not looked back again. It was an exceptionally long time before they met again. She was trotting along the ridge of a dune, heading for Las Noches. All that there was for her to do was take Humanoid form through a channeling of power. The looming palace seemed to promise that. _

_Vasto Lorde. _

_Grimmjow__ was wandering towards the mass too and was trailed by five hulking figures. He was their King. Noticing each other and continuing in parallel existence, the pair moved towards their future. A similar future. They could obtain it if they had but the power to control it. Las Noches seemed to offer that. _

_An hour into a parallel journey__, one of Grimmjow's followers decided he had had enough of the silhouette on the ridge. She was like a shadow, just behind or just in front but never in the middle; or rather, never obviously so. Grimmjow had not moved to mention her; he had simply acknowledged her with a cursory glance and continued on. No Fracción had dared bring the female up for the aura that shifted between the distance separating them. Maybe he was protecting her, maybe she was speaking to him; maybe they were imagining it all. Nothing was certain. _

_There was a large explosion of sand as one of the frustrated, tired and hungry Fracción drew away from his group and removed the lower levels of the dune the female was travelling on. She leapt to stable ground as the sand crumbled and slipped from beneath her feet. Kira dropped her head, glared up and growled at the looming bull-like figure. An attack was the last thing she had predicted from someone following Grimmjow. If he wanted to kill her, he would do it himself. Kira's shoulder blades shifted as she prepared to move. She launched herself out and up and then, mid motion, disappeared from sight only to reappear behind the shoulder of her attacker. Before she could strike him, she was hit first. Unexpectedly and from the side. A burning strode through the space above her eye. _

_The sand shifted beneath her collision weight and the force of the creature above her. Kira hissed at Grimmjow as a pain scalded through her scalp. Blood seeped down into the vision of her left eye. The jaguar stood a foot away from the now crouched feline figure. Her hackles were up. __She coiled her haunches to attack him. _

_Grimmjow glanced over his shoulder at the Fracción who had attacked the female. He was standing, staring, waiting. Silent. Expectant. Surely, after days travel with no food, there would be leniency. Little life dwelled on the sands near Las Noches; it was devoured swiftly before it could raise its head. Grimmjow turned sharply away from the female and tore into the Fracción with a growl. Kira, surprised, straightened her posture and watched as the male damaged one of his own; he didn't kill him, he simply taught him a strict lesson. He had given no orders to attack and had not given his permission to move out against the other Hollow form. _

_Suddenly, he was back, __glaring lowly at her. "You were being arrogant, brat, walking like an idiot where everyone could see you."  
The female was silent a moment. "You were being arrogant, Grimmjow, walking with a clump of monsters on your tail."_

"_You were one of those monsters."_

"_I am not a monster." She spat. "Nor would I follow your leadership." Her tone indicated an insult directed blankly at him. _

_Grimmjow growled and lunged at the figure similar to his own. She was smaller, leaner. He was larger, muscular. His mouth was bigger than hers and she had razor teeth. She was charcoal, he was off white. They were both a shade of grey. At the end of it all; he would become Sexta and she would become Novena. _

_Grimmjow drove her back over the edge of a dune and sent them down the unstable footing of the other side. There was a mess of nails, teeth and growls as the pair argued while discovering the lack of friction given by crumbling sand. The male drove his back legs into the torso of the female to break her off him and find a grip on the sand while dislodging her from it. Grimmjow skidded the last few feet upright and watched as Kira landed on a shoulder and rolled to her feet at the bottom of the slope. They were out of sight of the Fracción. _

"_Don't look down on me; not unless you want to die. I am the King."__ Grimmjow threatened. _

_Kira couldn't remember if she'd been hit during the scramble down the sand. "I was looking right at you, Grimmjow. Neither up nor down." _

_The jaguar had three cuts across his foreleg. The woman had caught him on her way down. Without __realising__, she had gone down with a fight; unconscious of both. She had potential to be more than one of his Fracción. She had the ability to be greater than that, but never greater than him. _

_There was a long silence. Grimmjow laughed monosyllabically. "You're pathetic." __He watched her pretentiously. _

_Kira ran the side of her face over her shoulder to get the blood out of her eye. "We'll see."_

_The male stared self righteously at the female before turning away from her and leaping up the dune he had sent them both down. When he got to the top, he was alone. When he looked down, she was gone. _

-

_Emotive unstable you're like an unwinding cable car  
Listening for voices, but it's the choices that make us who we are  
Go your own way, even seasons have changed just burn those new leaves over  
So self-absorbed you've seemed to ignore the prayers that have already come about_

_(Anberlin, The Unwinding Cable Car)_

-

-------------------

Remember to review and let me know what you thought. Constructive Criticism welcome.  
I will happily answer all questions and concerns reguarding this story. All input keeps is appreciated and is valuable to the story's continuation.  
Thanks for reading.

Blessings,

Peterpauper.


	3. Chapter 3

-

**Chapter 3**

**-**

_Look down the ground below is crumbling, look up the stars are all exploding  
__Between the dust and the debris there's a light surrounding you and me  
__In my head I replay our conversations over and over til they feel like hallucinations  
__(Kate Miller-Heidke, Last Day on Earth)_

_**-**_

There is something soothing about the sound of running water. No matter how violently a tap is turned on or how far a waterfall has to drop, there is always a sense of serenity somewhere engraved in their sounds. It spouts from the thought that something so insignificant and seemingly powerless can obtain beauty, course and purpose simply through existence.

Kira stood over a basin and splashed water on her face. In Hueco Mundo, any form of liquid besides blood and sweat is rare. Restrictions, even for the Espada, were enforced when it came to the use of water for personal use. There was rumour that Aizen would tap a supply from a watertable below the sand – if one existed somewhere above the Forrest of Menos. Life needs water. The Arrancar used water for hygiene and occasionally tea. Does this make them life? Or evolved forms of being?

What they ate had not changed. Food for thought and mind, body and soul did go hand in hand in their world.

Kira towelled her face off and stared at her reflection in a mirror. She was in a white walled bathroom with turquoise fittings and sharp wall patterns. The girl staring back from the mirror had candid eyes; there was something to them that defied callousness. It was like watching a lie spread physically through your features. Kira glanced sideways to avoid further thought on the topic and pulled her hair out of its ponytail. It fell, long and dark and straight and settled over her shoulder blades. The girl brushed it for barely a minute before sweeping it up again and securing it in place. She sighed.

"Vanity doesn't suit you." A smug voice said from the doorway.

Kira glanced at the pink-haired figured. "The ladies room doesn't suit you and yet, here we are."

Szayel Aporro Granz the narcissistic intellectual type with a disregard for life. He spoke smoothly with a self-righteous smile. "Don't get cocky." Szayel sighed lightly and pushed his glasses up. "I merely came to fetch you for a little get-together Aizen-sama feels like holding."

"In whose honour?" Kira turned back to her reflection and ran her hands over her scalp, smoothing the hairs that never quite made it into her ponytail.

"Yammy and Ulquiorra are on their way back to Las Noches to deliver their report on the pathetic non-hollow that you gathered information on. All the brothers and sisters are required to lounge around the throne room officially as opposed to on a regular basis."

The girl paused. She turned to Szayel.

He spoke before she did. "Allow me to make a proposition."

"No." Came the swift reply.

Kira dismissed him and walked from the bathroom, twisting her body as she passed through the doorway as to avoid the scientist by as much as possible. All these things; lies, shock, worry, anger; they were all emotions. Ulquiorra claims that emotion, being the heart, does not exist as he cannot see it. And yet, it could be felt. Felt through every vein, through every mindset. It was there like a guardian. The

"You haven't even heard it yet."

"No."  
The man smiled coyly and followed the girl casually. "But Kira, how can you refuse an offer you haven't heard?"  
"By saying 'no'."

"All I want is a sample. I have not tested the Espada, except myself, and we are such a rare breed." He crooned. He had asked various members of the Espada to take part in various experiments, seeing each as an advanced test subject, even if not disposable.

Kira thought a moment for a way out of the lined-up situation. "Szayel...it's because you are perfect, and I am not. Therefore, we cannot do anything together because it would not be fair to you."

"Don't mock me."

The girl pushed the door to the throne room open and didn't say another word. She ginned silently before taking up a respectful expression and bowing to Aizen and taking a place somewhere in the room. Espada were spotted throughout the room, as were the early born Arrancar. A cluster of figures sat on a far wall, elevated on the broken formatting of the room. Grimmjow had his Fracción at hand. He was seated, crossed legged and casual in front of them, an elbow on his knee and his chin in his hand. If the world had ended, he probably wouldn't give a damn. Kira glanced over at Aizen on his exceptionally raised platform, watching over his army's best. Szayel had wandered over to Nnoitra and was chatting idly to him. The last time that had happened, an Espada Three had died.

Kira found a piece of well placed rock near the door and leapt up it in a smooth movement. She leant against the wall and crossed her arms casually.

The floor of the room was bare except at the walls where rocks and protrusions seeped out of the floor and walls elegantly. Black thread, like that of a giant spider, wound down from the ceiling in various places. The room was dull, red and pulsating. In the middle was Aizen, soaring on his light throne.

Kira examined the figures around her and couldn't help but feel expectant of the incoming report. It was she who had said for them to go get rid of the Shinigami. He was the only dominant spiritual presence in the town worth worrying about. The door heaved open again and the pair in question returned from their journey. Ulquiorra looked as apathetic as he always had. Yammy was beaten up and missing an arm. Kira maintained face as she wondered at the reason behind the missing limb. She could see Grimmjow eyeing the injury with a bored expression.

"We have returned, Aizen-sama." Ulquiorra was the first to speak.

"Welcome back, Ulquiorra, Yammy." Came the smooth reply. Aizen was controlled. "Now, let me hear your report...here in front of your twenty brothers and sisters. Show us, Ulquiorra. Show us everything you saw and sensed in the real world."

"Yes, sir." Was the dutiful response. Ulquiorra reached a pale hand up to his eye and removed it. He held it out for a second before crushing it into a thousand small particles. "If you please."

The blue pieces travelled around the room to each member present and delved them in the experiences seen on the mission. Kira saw her and smelt everything as if she had been there. When she opened her eyes to the world, Grimmjow's were on hers. The Shinigami was not dead as she had deemed appropriate. She had been overruled.

"I see." Aizen stated, his tone still reliable and strong. "So that's why you decided he wasn't worth killing."

"Hai." Yammy was quiet as his partner spoke. "Your orders were to kill him if he was to become a problem."

"That's stupid." A new voice called, their tone edged, wild and seemingly amused.

Kira didn't have to be a genius to know that Grimmjow would interject as he had. Not for her, but for himself. He didn't care about her opinions; he cared for his own now that he knew the experiences of the situation. He sat as he had been, his hand now floating by his face arrogantly. His expression gave nothing away. He was very much in the opinion that the Substitute should have been killed regardless of any judgment.

The Sexta Espada's tone was rough and mocking. "I'd have killed that sorry punk with my first attack."

Ulquiorra turned his head in acknowledgement "Grimmjow."

"It doesn't matter what type of logic you use. If the word 'kill' appears in your orders, then it's obvious that you should go ahead and kill that person." Grimmjow was working himself up. He hated Ulquiorra and lusted violence and success; neither of which the meeting had produced.

His Fracción supported him from behind. "I feel the same. He's our enemy either way. Perhaps there's no reason to kill him, but there's no reason to let him live either." The man stated what everyone knew Grimmjow was thinking. It was raw and simple.

Kira watched from her position. The tension between six and four was electric. They did not like each other in the least and did not agree on almost every level. The girl felt a tingle of excitement and apprehension stream through her. Something was about to begin. She could sense it.

"By the way, Yammy." Grimmjow took speech again. "You got your ass-kicked, huh? With you looking like that it's like you couldn't kill him, not like he wasn't worth it."  
"Grimmjow, you bastard." Yammy replied deeply. "Weren't you watching? It was the black girl and the guy with the sandals who did this to me."

"You just don't get it, do you?" The blue haired Espada continued to press. "If it were me, I would have killed those two in one hit too!"

Yammy roared in insult. "What did you say?"

"Stop it." Ulquiorra raised a hand and turned his body to Grimmjow. "Grimmjow, don't you understand that this guy isn't a problem for us?" No mention was made as to the previous report. "Aizen-sama is not concerned about his current state, but rather his potential. He certainty does have some decent latent abilities, however it's very probably that they are so huge and unbalance that if left alone he will destroy himself. That's why I came back without killing him."

"And I'm saying that's stupid!" Grimmjow shot back, getting worked up swiftly. "What are you going to do if he gets strong enough to take us on?"

"If it comes to that," came the dull tone "I will kill him myself." Ulquiorra watched the revved up Espada run out of things to say. "Now you don't have anything to complain about."

"That's right." Aizen interjected. "I don't mind if that's the case. You may do as you see fit, Ulquiorra."

The Fourth Espada bowed to his leader. "Thank you, very much."

Grimmjow sat there brooding like a kettle about to boil over. He was growling lowly in displeasure at the whole event. He had been looked down upon by Espada Four and had himself corrected when he was completely right; to himself at least.

Ulquiorra and Yammy left the room silently, probably on the way to the infirmary where the latter would have his arm, or lack thereof, examined. Kira glanced up at Aizen. He was watching her.

"Kira." He called, almost serene in his authority. "Do you think it wrong that the Shinigami still lives?"

The girl uncrossed her arms and stood straight. It felt like he was patronising her for play. "I do, Aizen-sama." She replied steadily. "But if you see it fit to allow him to be, then so be it." The bitter tone she held back stung her throat. "We must be aware now though that Soul Society will respond to the situation. Two Espada were sent to the Real World and inflicted some damage; it won't go unnoticed."

"Is that your opinion?" Aizen had not changed his expression.

"Hai, Aizen-sama."

"Thank you." He dismissed her.

Kira nodded once and leapt down to the ground. She had no more to discuss ors see. The Shinigami should be dead. Aizen was causing problems. However, she was painfully aware that defying the decision to leave the man alive would result in opposition from Tousen, Gin and other hearty supporters of Aizen. The girl left the room steadily. She felt slightly insulted. She had come back from a mission, presented her conclusions, had them accepted, watched a follow up mission depart and then suffered their return. Kira felt bitter; as if her opinions counted for naught.

Everything became pent-up until the girl walked into the sunshine. She had hit the dome and the illusion of light. Sand stretched out between pillar-like buildings shrouded in red. There was space. So much space and so much that encouraged life.

Instinct pulled rank over mental choice and the girl took off. She ran. She ran after something, not knowing what it was but still trying to take it down at the same time. She felt her muscles burn as they tried to find a stable footing in the sand. She felt her chest start to close and her eyes start to burn. She felt her hair coming out and her breath becoming out of tune. She felt.

And then she felt confused. Kira chased that. Confusion. The knowledge that something is, but at the same time the knowledge that that something is distorted against you. The girl was supposed to be dead – she had not been born in the conventional way; therefore she was not alive. And yet she felt it. Kira felt it like she felt her own body. Like she belonged to it.

The girl ran and pushed until her anger at Aizen had subsided. There was nothing she could do. Kira stood far out, panting, her hands on her knees and her head hung in exhaustion. The superhuman feeling that running without cause brings had passed and there she was once more; simply herself. If that had Espada tacked to it, then so be it. So be it. So be it if that was what she was chasing and couldn't see.

Kira looked at where she had come from. It was visible as a large mass, not too far off. She had not run for long, just long enough to escape. She had come far, but not so far as to lose sight of what she needed to keep base with. Nightmares can be like that, they wrap their fingers around you and don't let go – making you believe that you need them in order to live, learn and survive.

With a heavy exhalation, the girl used Sonído to get back. When she arrived at her room she collapsed on the couch and stared at the ceiling. Attaining logical thought was a dangerous thing. It was devouring her. Making her captive to her own existence and allowing her to question that which already had an answer. Time passed. It passed either swiftly or slowly; it all felt the same and always enduring. The girl did not move or think or suffer herself any further. She was Espada, damn it. She was one of the best killers in Hueco Mundo and she would not succumb to her own faults. She was allowed to be wrong. Allowed to have another opinion override her own. Even so, it annoyed her. The logic she and Ulquiorra had used was the same; just with separate outcomes.

Kira gritted her teeth. The Shinigami should be dead. Everything in her said that. He would cause trouble. He would cause pain. He would be a problem for Hueco Mundo, Las Noches and the survival of the Espada. That particular feeling would not slide.

The door opened swiftly and a familiar aura seeped into the room. Grimmjow, again. Kira did not acknowledge him, nor did she deny him.

"Brat, get up."

Kira didn't move.

"Get up!" Grimmjow roared. "The Shinigami should be dead!"

Silence.

The man hissed angrily. "Do you have no pride?" He stepped into her room.

Silence.

The Sexta Espada scowled. He was passionate about the need to kill the man Espada Four had passed over. "Are you going to do something about it?"  
"Leave me alone, Grimmjow. I'm thinking."

"Bitch." Grimmjow spat, disgusted. "You're pathetic."

Kira didn't reply to that.

Fuming silence.  
The girl shifted an arm behind her head. "I've been thinking about the day I came here. About becoming this. Did I have a choice?" She paused and looked at her free hand. They had been inhumane once. Maybe even still. "Did I know anything beyond my own need to evolve? Now that I am on top, what more is there?"

Grimmjow stared at the woman. He put his hand in his pocket and became a less angry version of himself. "Baka. Are you stupid?"

Kira turned her head to him. "Probably."

The man grinned smugly. "You were stupid to suggest that Ulquiorra and Yammy could take down the Shinigami."

The girl paused a moment. A feeling of dread clung to her for a moment and passed into curiosity. "Oh?"  
"You should have put my name forward. I would have killed the punk in a single hit."  
"So you've said. But I never put names forward."

Grimmjow rumbled in assertive thought. A psychotic expression filled his features. "Then maybe Aizen is not as smart as he would have us believe."

"Oh?" Kira glanced at him.

"Like I said; one hit." He was prideful and aggressive. It oozed from his persona. "One effing hit."

"Be careful what you wish for, Grimmjow." The girl stated easily.

She was ever so slightly amused at his ravenous desire to repair his pride. It had been damaged in the Throne Room, it had been damaged when Yammy got beaten up, it had been fired since the moment he saw the Shinigami's face.

Kira smiled slightly. Cockily almost. "You're right though, he should be dead."

"Heh." The Blue Haired Espada scoffed smugly.

Something had taken over Sexta Espada that the girl dared not interfere with. He was happy. Ecstatic. Eager. He had had an idea and it was taking him like wildfire.

-

Many hours later, the girl had climbed completely over her affair with the Shinigami. She was going to live a very long time and she did not intend to waste that time being angsty about a human who was not yet a thought in the mind of a butterfly the day she was conceived into Las Noches.

Grimmjow had a plan. He was going to invade the Real World with five Arrancar. He would remove those with Reiatsu from Karakura Town and return with the Shinigami dead. He had told her to come remove her rejection from existence. She had accepted. However, she was not going in with the initial group. Kira would wait before sliding into the real world. She needed to see the Shinigami fall to Grimmjow, that was all. Aizen would not miss her for half an hour. Not when he had created her from eternity.

Silently and in private, the girl slipped into the Real World and stared down on the familiar town. It was dark and restless. Kira shut her eyes and tried to find the reiatsu of the team Grimmjow had assembled. There was one, fading, drifting and then gone. Nearby was a glowing blue flame. If Kira focused, she could see more and more of them. More than she had expected. Just as predicted, Soul Society had reacted to Ulquiorra and Yammy's appearance. They had sent in reinforcements. The Arrancar had fallen. Kira opened her eyes and frowned.

In the distance, a reiatsu grew egoistically and illuminated an area momentarily. Grimmjow was having fun. The girl used Sonído to travel closer to him. She would not interfere, but she would watch and listen if there was nothing else to do. However, the nearer she got the more aware she became of another reiatsu. It was fading, small and weak but not by their own accord. A wounded soul was nearby.

Kira landed in the vicinity and glanced around. The streets had been bashed up; dust was in the air and all over the town cursed abuse. There was something in the street just ahead. The girl stared at the figure in front of her. A female. Small, dark, crumpled like paper. Collateral. They almost shared the same hair colour. The Shinigami was lying in the arms of her exact image. A Gigai presumably. The replacement was staring up at the Espada cautiously. She was not armed. Kira watched them, expressionless as Grimmjow battled somewhere nearby. He had inflicted near-fatal damage to the female Shinigami. By the looks of things, her undrawn sword, her un-bruised face, it had been quick. Maybe Kira was rubbing off on her comrade. Probably not.

Either way, the Shinigami was still alive and quite possibly in a lot of pain. Kira drew her katana as she met the gaze of the gigai. The form reacted, tensing up like a coil. The Espada wondered how she would react to a released form, how someone who was the release to a form would react to something as true and pure and dark as an Espada in resurrection.

Kira was not releasing her form. Not for something so small. "Don't move. I assure you it will be fast, clean and painless." Her tone was flat. No mercy. No nothing.

The gigai clutched the body of the Shinigami closer. She didn't speak. Kira didn't know why. Overhead, there was a loud boom. The glow of red flashed for a few moments before disappearing.

"Getsuga Tenshou!" was its fore-cry.

The girl looked up and witnessed a black and red explosion. When it dissipated, the form of Grimmjow remained. He stood with his arms crossed over his face and a smug expression etched into his features. He looked pleased.

"Ulquiorra didn't tell me about that move, Shinigami." He crooned cockily. His wrists were burnt but his pride was sky-high happy.

"Am I still disappointing you, Arrancar?" Kira's ears twitched at the new voice.

The first thing she noticed was the word 'Arrancar', the second was his tone. The Shinigami was determined and concrete in his ability. The memory and feeling of the night at his window returned like a rush of anger before disappearing under the Espada's chastising.

The gigai shifted slightly, drawing the Novena Espada's attention back. Grimmjow's laugh filled the air and the words 'bring it on, Shinigami' followed soon after. He now had apparent reason to kill the other man. Kira listened to this, choosing to ignore the female Shinigami for a moment. They were of no threat to her, no comparison.

Grimmjow was speaking again. "Don't space out on me, Shinigami."

Kira felt something unusual. She sensed it like a burning through her nose. It was the aura that had thrown her off before, the familiar aftertaste that was so distinctly Hollow. The girl sheathed her sword, disinterested now with the bodies in front of her. She turned away from them and took a step towards Grimmjow. He knew that she was there. She had not concealed her aura. She had told him that she would come. A sharp ripping noise opened the sky nearby. Kira had a heightened mood for senses and instinct. It made up for her lacking abilities in other fields. She was fast and alert and often that was enough.

"Now its my turn." The Sexta Espada said lowly, apparently oblivious to his immediate environment.

His Arrancar were dead, his fight was enthralling and his mood eager. Grimmjow began to reveal his katana.

"Sheathe your sword, Grimmjow." A heavy voice stated.

Kira's eyes widened as Tousen appeared behind the Espada.

"Tousen." Apparently Grimmjow was just as surprised as she was to see him. He slid his sword back into its sheath.

The Shinigami was mumbling something. Kira ignored him now. Tousen. Of all the people to cross the sword of justice with...All the girl was concerned about was the presence of a captain, of one of Aizen's captains, in the Real World and after Grimmjow. It could mean desperate trouble for her for getting involved. Suddenly, the aura of the Shinigami meant very little and coming up with a good story for Hueco Mundo became very important.

"Why the hell are you here?" Grimmjow asked rudely.

"'Why' you ask? You really don't know? You take it upon yourself to invade the Real World, mobilise five Arrancar and lose them in battle. You are in violation of your orders. You understand, don't you? Aizen-sama is furious, Grimmjow. Come." He opened a gate to Las Noches. "Your punishment will be decided in Hueco Mundo."

Grimmjow made an apathetic noise and began to follow Tousen into the gate. "Whatever."

"Wait!" The Shinigami became loud again. "Where are you going?"

The Blue Haired Espada turned around casually. "Shut your ass up. We're going back to Hueco Mundo." He paused. "Oi! Kira!" He yelled.

The girl was not surprised that he had called her. The Shinigami, however, was. When Kira reached the other Espada, the young man was staring up from a crater in the ground, bruised and shaken and torn. His face was one of shock. He had not realised that the girl was there. So close. So close to his friend. Kira glanced at him, now disinterested. The whole saga was proving a headache. He should be dead and that should be that. Now all hell could be set lose in Hueco Mundo. The girl wandered into the in between and paused to listen to the words the Shinigami began to yell.

"Don't play games with me! You came here to attack us and you leave on a whim? You've got to be freaking kidding me! Get your ass back here, we're not finished yet!"

Kira didn't smile. Energetic, that kid.

Grimmjow's tone was undamaged by Tousen. "Gimme a break! Me leaving is the only thing that could have saved you, Shinigami. I can tell just by looking at you that that move damages your body – you can only handle two or three more shots. And even if you could fire those off without limits, you wouldn't stand a chance against my released form."

Kira paused a moment, gave him that point and ran her forefinger over the nail of her thumb.

"Released form?" The Shinigami replied.  
"Don't go forgettin' my name; just pray you never hear it again." His opponent paused before revealing himself. "Grimmjow Jeagerjaques. The next time you hear this name will be your last, Shinigami!" The Espada called, grinning with psychotic glee.

The gate closed around him and Kira turned away from the man. She stepped back into Hueco Mundo with a controlled expression.

"Bastard." She hissed when Grimmjow reached the other side.

"Huh?" The man ignored Tousen's angry posture when he arrived.

Kira smiled some. "You didn't leave anything for me to play with." Her tone was quietly playful. Unconcerned. Aizen rarely interfered.

The Blue Haired Espada laughed mono-syllabically. "Who said we were playing, heh?"

"You said 'one hit', didn't you?" She followed Tousen to the Throne Room.

Grimmjow grinned.

The girl tapped her forefinger and thumb together. "You're a little dented. Rough play-date?"

"You should be more concerned about Aizen-sama." Tousen interjected gruffly.

Kira stopped smiling and said nothing. Grimmjow was silent beside her. No fight was a game; it was a battle of pride, muscle and intellect. Enjoy it like a chess game but suffer the consequences of conquest. Or, rather in their case, suffer the consequences of losing to many rooks in a single move.

Tousen opened the door to the Throne Room and waited for Grimmjow to enter ahead of him. Before the girl could follow, she was cut off.

The Captain turned his unseeing eyes at her. "This is between Grimmjow and Aizen."  
"And you, apparently." Came Kira's stout reply.

"You will be dealt with accordingly." Tousen shut the door in her face.

Kira frowned. Grimmjow was in trouble for attacking the real world on his own accord and getting five Arrancar killed in the process. She had simply followed him later, watched from a distance and returned without a scratch and without having put a scratch on anyone. She could very easily blame the endeavor on boredom and the need for sport. She was an animal after all. Apparently. Kira crossed her arms and leant on the wall beside the door. Her hair sat over her shoulder as a companion as she thought. The girl was good at getting herself out of a situation. This was not her problem after all. It was Grimmjows. In the end, Kira stood straight and pushed her hair back before taking the first few selfish steps towards feigned innocence. Six paces in, she stopped and glanced back. The girl hissed at herself and the situation. It was not of her making, but she did feel very strongly about the Shinigami and had very much wanted to be part of his fall. Even if it was as a spectator who just so happened to remove the interfering members of the human crowd.

Kira was about to dismiss the thought and move on when the door to the throne room opened and a swearing, howling, raving Grimmjow stepped out. His eyes were fierce and his expression furious. His right hand was clutched over his left shoulder, blood dripped steadily through his fingers and onto the floor. The girl felt the life drain from her face. She felt cold as she stared at him. His arm was gone. His whole arm. Kira was an Espada, a killer. And yet...and yet...when it's someone you respect it's an entirely different story. Blood did not bother her, neither did gore or death. But damage to that which she had grown to stirred something in her. Kira had very few people she could call comrade; actually, she had only one. The girl stared, her face controlled, her throat itching at the smell of blood. The noise of Grimmjow in his state was devastating on the heart. Pity they both had none. Kira blinked. She then swore and took a step towards Grimmjow.

He was clutching the doorframe like a vice, hissing and spitting in pain and rage. "I'll kill him." He said psychologically. "I'll kill him."

The girl swallowed back the emotions that had risen within her. They should not exist. She pulled off her jacket and bunched it into a tight ball. In a singular motion, she pulled the Sexta Espada's hand from his wound and pushed the fabric firmly against his shoulder. In a moment, she felt the warm, wet sensation of blood seep through and into her fingers. He was losing a lot of blood. And yet, he carried on like a crazed lion. Grimmjow pushed the girl away only to have her slap him hard across the face. She was furious at something she couldn't identify. It was blinding. All she could feel was the immediate physical. The air on her exposed arms, the stickiness of blood, the dryness of her mouth, the need to stop the flow.

"Move." She felt the blood drip off her elbow and onto the floor.

Grimmjow growled and glared at her. He then realized that the arm he would have used to smack her with was gone completely though he still felt like its owner. Like he controlled something that was there. His anger took on a tinge of shock and realisation.

The white floors of Las Noches were stained with his blood.

Kira was dragging him by the collar with one hand and pressing her hand against him with the other. The door to the infirmary loomed up ahead. When they reached it, she let go of the man's collar and threw it open.

"Someone!" She yelled steadily. "Anyone!" Nothing carried in her voice except volume.

Blood. Blood. Blood. Life. Emotion. Spilt. She refused to think philosophically about a physical injury. A life threatening injury. Already Grimmjow had paled. Kira could push and pull him with little resistance. He sat on a high table and shoved the girls hands away from his shoulder continuously. He kept swearing.

"Shut up." The girl said flatly. "Shut up and sit still."

An Arrancar emerged swiftly from a side room, took one look at the injury and followed through the stages of surprise and shock. He then disappeared and returned with thick circular pads, bandages, gauze and a brown bottle. Kira had, by this time, argued with Grimmjow and pulled his jacket off to reveal the extent of the injury. There was a lot of yelling between them. Now two jackets lay on the floor in a damp red mess.

"Why are you arguing!? Stop arguing!" Kira lifted a finger to the man's face. "Sit effing still or I swear I will rip you apart."

"Hah! Bring it on, brat!" Grimmjow hissed. "Just stop the bleeding."  
"I'm trying! I'm trying!" Came the loud reply.

"Um..." The Arrancar interrupted quietly.

"WHAT!?" The pair roared at him at the same time.

The poor medic stepped back in fright. Two Espada were having a fight right in front of him. One was bleeding all over the place and slowly paling, though he probably didn't notice. The other had noticed but obviously thought he deserved it. "I need to stop the bleeding."

Kira drew her stare from the medic and latched it onto the Sixth Espada. She clenched her jaw for a moment. "I'm sorry it ended like this."

"Who said anything about it ending?" Came the bitter reply. "I'm still better than him without my arm. I will always be better than him."

"Are you better than the Espada?" Came the steady reply.

Grimmjow glared at her and sat in a glowering silence as the Arrancar covered one of the pads in a gooey brown liquid. It was big enough to cover the wound but Kira doubted its ability to halt the flow of blood. There was an artery that ran down the arm. The girl hesitated a moment. The heart was needed to force blood around the body. In a moment, she had shaken her head free of the thought. It was all symbolic, nothing more, nothing less. Just a hole in their bodies to remind them that they do not belong to God, but to themselves.

Kira was torn back to the real world as Grimmjow roared. The Arrancar had placed the liquid over his wound and had promptly been lunged at, gripped by the throat and thrown across the. The medic crumpled to the floor and stayed there, still and unbreathing.

The girl scowled and took over from the medic. She used her left hand to return the treatment to the gaping hole in Grimmjows shoulder and used her right to block the fist that came flying at her in response. He could very rightly kill her if he felt so inclined. A cero to the head, a blade to the stomach as she used her hands elsewhere. There wasn't time to be afraid of him. She respected him and he knew it.

There was more to it than raw pain. It was the experience of losing an arm. Of having it removed. Of suddenly losing it. Of using playful banter a minute before and screaming the minute after. Life took sudden turns. Permanent turns. Kira felt her left shoulder crawl at the idea of being damaged so. The flesh of Grimmjow's arm was exposed, blood, bone and muscle all twisted around each other as they stared surprisingly at the outside world. The nerves chorused a high squeal and the adrenaline raced around faster than either of them ever hoped to travel.

After five minutes, Kira was surprised to find that the blood that was trickling down Grimmjow's torso had quieted to a halt. The brown liquid had sealed the wound as a burn would have. The girl pulled the pad back and stared at the throbbing stump. She almost retched.

The Arrancar had stood hesitantly and waited behind the girl. He was fearful of his patient now and dared not go closer. He held a bowl of warm water out. A cloth floated in it. Kira looked the man over once and dismissed him. She took the cloth and squeezed it out. Grimmjow had become quiet. Dead quiet. He stared at the wall, his eyebrows knit together in fury.

He hissed sharply as the girl pressed the fabric against his wound. She had become silent too. Thoughtful. Focused. She worked on him swiftly, cleaning what was left of his arm and then noticing the burn down his front. The Shinigami.

Grimmjow gripped her wrist before she could apply the brown liquid to him again. "Leave it." He growled.

Kira met his eye.

"Leave it, brat. I want to return the favor."

The girl threw the cotton pad at the man's face looked around. Another medic was cowering in the door, staring at the lifeless body of his comrade. "Find out what's going on." Kira ordered him.

Novena Espada was standing in front of him in a white Hakama and a black singlet. The number Nine was tattooed to the back of her right shoulder. The Arrancar noticed this as the girl turned back to the other Espada. He scrambled out of the room. The girl had picked up what the other medic had been doing and taken over. She was not skilled at what she had put herself into, but she wasn't about to suffer the Sexta Espada anymore.

Kira turned back to Grimmjow. "Where is your arm? They fixed Yammy's back on."

"Tousen burnt it." Came the spitting reply.

"He...burnt it?"  
"Sliced it off and threw kido at it."

Silence. "Why?"  
"For defying justice or some bullshit like that."

Kira bit the inside of her lip in thought and picked up a roll of bandage. "What about me? Do I lose a leg or go free because I was a spectator?"  
"Selfish bitch." Came the thick reply. Not amused. Grimmjow had calmed down and taken on the form of a rumbling volcano.

"Probably." The girl unwrapped the end of the white roll and lifted the Sexta Espada's arm up.

She told him to hold it in place as she wrapped his chest. It would heal with a scar. Next was his shoulder. That took longer.

All Espada are born bare, stripped of their old forms and raw in their awakening. Bodies meant little, the soul meant more. Handling flesh was no task to a killer – they had sliced it, torn it, burnt it and stitched it all back together for round two. However, Kira found that helping someone you knew, if that was really what she was doing, was different. She had not damaged Grimmjow, but it felt like it. She had not pained him, but it felt like it. It was not her, but it felt like it. The girl wanted to slap herself.

Soon after securing the last finishing, the medic Arrancar returned feebly. Behind him stood another Arrancar. One not prepared to work in an infirmary. A smile crossed the newcomers face.

"Who are you?" Grimmjow spat as he glared at little, dark haired, androgynous man.

"Luppi." He hooked his thumb into the odd cut of his shirt and reveled the side of his stomach. "Sexta Espada."

Grimmjow's eyes widened in response. Tousen appeared in the doorway behind the new Espada.

Kira heard the sound of a sword behind unsheathed and soon found herself separated from her Blue Haired comrade by the Shinigami. She didn't move to stop him or attack him. Grimmjow was not a man she would defend. The replacement had used Sonído to take a place beside that which he was overtaking.

Luppi filled his palm with Cero and smiled. "See you later, former Espada Six." He drove his power against the tattoo on Grimmjow's back.

_-_

_Some say the world will end in fire,  
Some say in ice.  
From what I've tasted of desire  
I hold with those who favor fire.  
But if it had to perish twice,  
I think I know enough of hate  
To say that for destruction ice  
Is also great  
And would suffice._  
_(Robert Frost, Fire and Ice)_

-

--------

If you're reading, please be reviewing. Constructive criticism welcome, all input appreciated.

I will reply to any questions you have.

Thank you for reading,

Blessings,

Peterpauper.


	4. Chapter 4

-

**Chapter 4**

_I am a little bit of loneliness, a little bit of disregard  
Handful of complaints but I can't help the fact that everybody can see these scars  
I am what I want you to want, what I want you to feel but it's like no matter what I do  
I can't convince you to just believe this is real  
So I, let go watching you turn your back like you always do  
Face away and pretend that I'm not, but I'll be here cause you're all that I've got_

_(Linkin Park, Faint)_

-

_The world was ending. It was shattering into a million pieces, each rift cracking with a noise like thunder. Through the gaps came a light, seeping in a faint off gold that had no stench even though one imagined that it would have. There was a distinct peeling feeling, a drawn out tearing that went on and on to the furthest horizon. _

_And then everything fell away, leaving bareness and ragged breath. Something was touching skin, something not living, something not visible. Air. Air was flowing freely into and out of a human mouth. A pair of candid green eyes stared at a pair of hands sprawled on a white washed floor. A cold, hard floor. There were long, pale fingers and clear nails. These were lifted in front of a curious human face. She stared at them and then moved her focus to the form just beyond them. A tall man with dark hair and flat eyes. He was smiling. _

"_Welcome, Kira." His voice was smooth, controlled, powerful. _

_Something heavy landed on the girl's shoulders. She had been naked her whole existence; every day until that moment. She had been carnal, vicious, intrigued, honest and now, logical. She had just completed the last stage of her evolution. There was no other step. There was no closer bridge to humanity. There was no closer soul to one with a heart. _

_Kira wrapped her fingers around the edges of the long white coat that had been tossed languidly on her and turned her head. Another man was standing near her. He was wearing white. White pants, white shoes, white jacket. There was black there too, but only on the edges. Shadows did not like the dark. _

_He had blue hair and a smug expression. His hands were buried into his pockets and a sword hung at his side. "Get up, Arrancar." He said thickly. _

"_Grimmjow."_

-

Kira leant languidly against the wall of the infirmary and used the nail of her forefinger to push the cuticle of her thumb down. Her hair was pulled over one shoulder and her expression was somewhat serious. This is what Grimmjow saw when he woke up. A throbbing pain ached through his shoulder and his back stung. He remembered what happened.

"I hope your happy." She said, taunting. "I hope your happy how you've wrecked yourself forever." Kira met Grimmjows eye as he lay on the infirmary table. "Do you think you're clever? If you hadn't provoked Tousen you'd probably have your arm. Aizen is like that, he likes being amused by his subordinates. You're his little game, Grimmjow. And you just lost."

The man hissed and stared at the ceiling. "I hope you're proud that you grovelled in submission to save your arse."

"I like my arse. I think I'll keep it a little longer." Kira stood up from the wall. "I supported your decision to go to invade the real world, but next time you say 'one hit', Grimmjow, at least finish it and not leave yourself disappointed."

"Bitch." The Blue Haired Arrancar spat. "You selfish brat."  
"Yes, Grimmjow, yes. I'm selfish. I'm so freaking selfish." Kira pushed her hair off her shoulder. "No, no, you don't get to say that. I survive. I survive and you commit suicide. If you want to take the Shinigami down some other time, fine so be it – I'll come with you; but don't you dare, don't you ever dare put something like your rank on the line again. Don't lose an arm. Don't die." She hissed angrily.

"Hah!" Grimmjow mocked. "You're pathetic. Getting worked up over my arm. I can still fight!"

"Get up." Kira said flatly.

The man glanced at her and smiled wickedly. He lifted his torso upright and swung his legs over the side of the bed. The girl swung at him. Grimmjow easily went to block, but her hand still met his face. The arm he had gone to raise was gone. It no longer existed. The man's eyes opened in realisation.

"I'm not pathetic, Grimmjow, you are. You became pathetic the moment you thought yourself better than the Shinigami." With that, Kira turned on her heel and left the former Espada staring angrily after her.

It wasn't that she no longer respected him or thought him a comrade, but rather that she saw him now as her subordinate. This was very possibly Kira's first mistake. Grimmjow had become less than Espada and because of this, less than worthy. The girl saw through his mistakes as her own and felt ashamed at them. Disgraced as he was. She had supported him and now she could not. She believed the same things he did, but he was no longer a follower. He gotten five Fracción killed and had invaded Karakura Town; this was not the problem. The problem was how it turned out in the end. That it had turned out the way it did when there was no alternative. Kira was furious because Grimmjow had been stripped of his Espada status and dismembered simply for doing what he felt was justified. For beings who had attained logical thought, they were pretty vicious. They were animals, and this was infuriating. Who wouldn't beat the dog when they had the stick? Kira figured Aizen a bastard; this was her second mistake.

Truth be told, she was still Novena Espada. She was not a match for Aizen or the Shinigami. She was just the girl who got mad at the past simply because she didn't see it coming. Kira had a talent for sensory notion; instinct. She knew that the Shinigami would be a problem, and now he was. She knew that not killing him would bring more trouble to Karakura town, and not Soul Society had dispatched captains. Call it instinct or call it logic – either way, it didn't take a genius. Even Grimmjow had worked it out. Even so, what had been done had been done and the Blue Haired Espada was now a shamed Arrancar. The situation was wretched, dismal, absolutely desolate. Arms don't grow on trees.

Kira was walking towards her room when Luppi appeared around a corner. He was standing with his sleeves over his hands, his hair cut perfectly and his form overly androgynous. He was an Espada Six. He should never be underestimated.

"Novena." He called the girl by her number.

Kira stopped a few feet before him. "Luppi."

"Novena, how is the former Espada?" He asked languidly, mockingly.

"He's pretty blue today."

Luppi smiled at her unflattering pun. "I imagine he'll be in the infirmary for a while."  
"I think not, Luppi. He's already out to kill you."

"He can't kill me." The new Sexta Espada scowled, suddenly annoyed ."He's no more than a disgraced Espada."

Kira stepped up beside him and glanced sideways at the man. "Don't get so worked up." She commented lively. "You have two arms."

Luppi crossed his arms and smiled some. "This Espada thing is overrated."  
The girl smiled a little. "You learn that fast." She commented.

Not overrated boring, but rather overrated in the sense that it was not the glamorous licence-to-kill game that it was perceived to be. Explicit power is not beautiful.

Luppi moved one sleeve covered hand up near his face in expression. "Learn not to underestimate me, Novena." He said pleasantly. "And we'll get along just fine."

"Underestimate you?"

"Hai." He added with a little ego.

Kira closed her eyes for a moment, amused. "We'll never fight, Luppi." She turned her face to him. "You don't get to live that long."

With that, she stepped away from the man and proceeded on her way. The Sexta Espada turned in the hall to watch her go. He was curious, annoyed and perplexed at the same time.

A wicked smile spread across his features and he lifted a covered hand in expression. "You tell good jokes, Novena."

Kira glanced back and smiled some. "Who's joking?"

-

Grimmjow did not see the girl for a week. She never came to see him; he never went to see her. The man simply wandered around Las Noches like a caged tiger. He had a set expression; furious. He prowled around, looking for something to do, someone to devour, a place to rest. His mind was reeling. It was taking a long time to get used to not being able to use his left arm. It was an odd sensation, expecting something to be there and then realising that it wasn't. The other Arrancar, especially the Fracción, taunted Grimmjow. Luppi, his replacement, took the time to come visit and remind the fallen soldier that he was exactly that.

Grimmjow blinked languidly as he stepped into the sunlight of the dome in the centre of Las Noches. His right hand was buried in his pocket and his left-sleeve hung languidly at his side.

The words, "Nimbus, fly!" carried across the sand and a cloud of dust lifted near one of the any red towers spread across the distance.

Grimmjow watched as a sharp blye light burst from beneath the dust and revealed the distant figure. They were surrounded by three female figures, each standing smug in their released forms as the Espada composed herself. Apache, Mila-Rose and Sun-Sun were waiting now that the air had settled again, for their opponent to strike.

Kira standing with her forefinger and middle finger pressed together. She had summoned a spell and cast a bolt of lightning at her enemies. Grimmjow scoffed.

Kira launched herself at Mila-Rose and, at the last second, deviated and hit Apache hard. She had moved incredibly fast and had gripped the girls wrists in her hands and driven her knee into her stomach, forcing her onto her back. Kira drove her spare foot into Apache's thigh, digging in with the tip of her shoe. She let the dust settle before eyeing her opponent.

"You just died." She stated, smugly.

Apache hissed and then took on an egoistic expression. "So did you."

Kira glanced over her shoulder and saw Mila-Rose flying through the air at her. The girl disappeared, leaving the still valid opponent with nothing to collide with. A moment later she reappeared and hit Mila-Rose from the side. Kira gripped the woman by her throat and ran her shin around into her exposed torso before tossing her aside and speeding towards the last standing victim was a snarl.

Suddenly, a flash of red filled the air and flew at the rushing Espada. Sun-Sun lifted a hand to her mouth and smiled coyly as Kira headed right into her cero. Kira's eyes widened for a moment before she crossed her arms over her face and dipped her head against the blow. It was a warm sensation, being stuck inside a cero, it was warm and unsteady and destructive. The Espada drove her arms from her head and broke free of the vice with a short burst of spirit energy. Sun-Sun hesitated the moment her opponent appeared out of her attack seemingly unscathed. She didn't even have a moment to think before Kira had hit her python tail and caused her to topple forwards. The Espada was on Sun-Sun's back a moment later, her fingers in the girls hair as she drove her forward into the sand.

A moment after landing, Kira stepped off. She was panting lightly – short distance was her specialty, not complex, threesome routines. Tia Harribel had, however, requested that the Ninth Espada replace her training partner with her Fracción. They often trained only together and as a result, were often bickering, backstabbing and full fighting with each other in frustration.

"What, no Quimera Parca?" Kira enquired, smoothing her hair back.

The three Fracción stood to their feet, bruised a little and a little tarnished. Apache took a step towards her opponent. "You fight dirty." She hissed.

"Three on one isn't dirty?" Came the reply. Kira sheathed her blade at her hip.

"Relax, Apache, she might be Espada, but she wouldn't last beyond the third round." Mila-Rose stated steadily, changing back into her original form.

The Espada had caught her breath and was standing near the three women, her hair slipping a little out of its tie and her hands bruised from an earlier attack.

Apache scoffed. "Bitch."  
Kira raised an eyebrow and turned away from the group. "Cheers." She waved over her shoulder. "I'll be seeing ya."

The girl used Sonído to vanish from their sight again. She reappeared beside Grimmjow as she headed for the door. Kira paused, waiting for him to say something. He didn't.

The Fracción stood below, staring up at the half-way pair with disgust. They loathed Shinigami and self-righteousness. They also hated being defeated, even by an Espada. It had been quick and clean, but in being so, had been infuriating and frustrating.

Grimmjow turned his head slightly to catch Kira before she left. "Is speed the only thing you increase in?" It felt strangely nostalgic and infuriating somehow.

Kira slowed her pace and clanged over her shoulder to acknowledge that she had heard him.

"You should have killed them, brat."

The girl stopped in the doorway to Las Noches. "Who would I play with tomorrow if I killed them?"  
The man smiled, vaguely amused. "You understand now."

"That I must never end up like you? Yes." Came the near taunting reply.

Grimmjow clenched his jaw. "You're pathetic; you're not good enough to end up like me."

"That's why we're the bad-guys Grimmjow, the worse we are – the higher we rank." Kira turned to face him.

The Blue Haired Arrancar turned casually to her. "You consider yourself a bad-guy? Hah! It took you three hits to take down the mindless sluts Tia calls Fracción. You're not even bad enough to be considered a protagonist." She had referred away from physicality; he had drawn back on it.

The girl watched his sly expression diligently before turning away. "Good bye, Grimmjow."

He was well, obviously, he healed well, probably and he was still Grimmjow through and through. He was just not Espada.

Kira was cut off by the man as he appeared in front of her. Grimmjow closed his fist around her collar and lifted her off the ground. The girl used one of her hands to latch onto his wrist, with the other she reached for her sword. He was rumbling angrily.

"Don't look down on me, brat." The man spat, glaring up at her. "Don't think you're better than me because you can achieve resurrection and have a number on your back." His tone was furious.

Kira lifted her feet and bent her back in order to be able to force them against Grimmjow's chest. She hissed sharply as she pushed back and broke free of his grip. The girl landed on her toes and skidded backwards for a second, her fingers on the ground for support.

She lifted her other hand to her throat and glared. "Bastard." She spat.

Grimmjow took four steps across the distance between them and drew his sword. Before Kira could react, he drove the tip through the top of her socked foot and into the ground. The girl screamed indignantly and gripped the steel of the blade that was stuck into her.

The Blue Haired Arrancar grinned psychotically. "I'll kill you next time you do that."

Kira couldn't even remember looking down on Grimmjow once. The last thing she remembered thinking before attacked her was respect; the man had held onto his pride even though he no longer had two hands to do it with. He still had his fighting spirit when he had been withdrawn. He still had his ego when it should have been deflated. The man might be a little moodier than before, a little more arrogant and insufferable but he had retained the characteristics that made him who he was. That had made him Espada.

Kira hissed as she looked up the hilt of Grimmjow's sword and into his eyes. She moved her hand to where his gripped his weapon and closed her fingers around it. The other went to the base of the hilt and in one motion, they both forced their way upwards. The girl hissed as the steel slid out from between the Tarsal bones of her foot. Her feet were her vices; her speed and combat.

"Next time you do that, Grimmjow," Kira said angrily "..."  
"Next time? What will you do? Limp away like you're about to?" The man replied indignantly. "Come on, brat. Try defy me."

The girl let go of Grimmjows sword and stood up slowly. She kept her now injured limb of the ground. It dripped blood onto the white floors. Grimmjow had been taken out by his leaders, Kira had been attacked by her comrades. What was the difference between that justice and that which was perceived.

"Grimmjow," Kira's eyes flashed. "Show some respect if you want it shown back." She replied sharply. "I would never look down on you, but you are no longer my equal."  
"Hah! I was never your equal. I was always better."

"No, you were always a better Espada"

Grimmjow's smile vanished and was replaced with a scowl. "Bitch."

Kira stood straight and stared the man in the eye. "Meet me in the hall in three days. We'll see how much of your tattoo remains."

She vanished with Sonído before there was a reply. Three Fracción were easy, one Grimmjow was not. On some level, Kira was still afraid of him; she believed that came with the respect. Even so he jumped the gun and overreacted. The girl appeared in an empty hallway and gasped sharply as she clutched her foot. She could feel the little bones of her feet had cracked a little where the blade had gone in and she could feel the blood filling up the spaces between her toes. Kira left a trail of stains behind her as she walked to the infirmary. She had three days to prove to Grimmjow, not Aizen, that she was more than his chew-toy; especially now that he had become a stray.

Kira got to experience the 'magic' of the brown liquid that been applied to Grimmjow's wounds that day not so long ago. It burned like electricity through every pathway. The hole in her foot was a mess- the girl couldn't even put weight on it. He could have potentially ruined her. Kira sat on a metal table, one leg hanging over the edge, the other gripped by a medic with a fairly blank hollow mask. The girl arched her neck back and gritted her teeth as the electric pain seeped through her ankle and up her calf muscle.

After five minutes, the pain didn't stop. It became trapped under a bandage. The skin had closed, the foot had been set into place. Ten minutes later it started to subside and Kira started towards her room. Her sock had a rip through it and had been soaked in her own blood. Her shoe was stained and slippery. Unabashed, the girl held both items in her hand as she walked through the hallways with her bound foot.

A week later, Grimmjow did it again. Only this time, they were training together again. He had become surprisingly good at working with just one arm. His balance had been off for a while and his attacks had become slower, but they quickly improved. There was now one wide opening on his left-side, which Kira manipulated as often as possible. She was fast enough to get in and hit, but sometimes she wasn't quick enough to get out again. She got a cut across her ribcage in one attempt and a blade through the same spot on her foot after landing a little too close. Grimmjow had become vicious in his embarrassment of demotion and determined in his passion to reclaim his pride.

Kira felt as if he was driving her into a corner, forcing her to get stronger and more enduring as opposed to quicker and more agile. His fighting style could last a long time, hers could deliver a quick end. They were almost opposites but just as effective in their methods. Or, rather, Grimmjow was more effective but Kira wouldn't let him own to that with one arm.

After a particularly long fight, Kira lay on her back on the cool floor of Las Noches, staring at the high ceiling of the empty hall they were in. She was breathing heavily, her hands sprawled on the ground beside her.

"Grimmjow, when will you kill that Shinigami?" She turned her head to him.  
The fallen Espada was leaning against the far wall casually. He met her eye. "There's a mission coming up."  
"You wouldn't go on your own?" She rolled onto her stomach. "Can't afford another loss of limb?"

Grimmjow grunted, unamused. "I'll kill him, brat. I'll fight him again soon."

Kira flipped her hair over her shoulder. "I get the tag-end of the mission, so you better leave me something to do while you get to the killing bit."

The man grinned. She would arrive separate from the main group and reinforce if she had to. Other than that, she was there as a precaution. Aizen needed to do something with his ninth pawn anyway.

Grimmjow eyed the girl. "What's the deal with this Luppi-chick?"  
"The new Sexta Espada is a guy, Arrancar."Came the reply. "And I've never seen him fight."

Silence. "I'll kill him too."  
"Before or after the Shinigami?"  
Grimmjow let out a short laugh. "Whoever crosses my path first."

Kira didn't say anything to that. She simply turned her gaze to the wall and drummed her fingernails on the floor.

"How's your foot, brat?"

The girl smiled. "I have a wonderful scar, thank you."

"Hah."

In Hueco Mundo, scars of that sort are only present by personal choice – to remind you of something. Grimmjow might be a de-ranked, defiled, de-moralised Espada, but he was still Arrancar. He was still raw and sadistic and psychotic. He still had that edge, that laugh, that look – the idea of 'win' and never 'lose'. Of destroy and remove the demons and stalking shadows. Despite the newly brooding expression, Grimmjow was still Grimmjow Jeagerjaques and still his own King.

-

Kira found the Espada meetings a welcome break from the monotony of her life. She would go to sleep in the dead of night and wake up to find that nothing had changed – she was an evolved animal, but her environment never changed and as a result, the constant hunger never died away. The constant wondering of 'is there more than this?' Surely there was more than optimality. Kira could feel the need to take down her enemies, but she also felt something new; a peculiar feeling that she hadn't yet named or understood. Humans would call it empathy, Shinigami would call it sympathy. At present, Kira called it annoying and unnatural.

The girl sat near the end of a long table surrounded by Espada. The head seat was empty and the room was Spartan, sterile and breathing. Kira drummed her fingernails on the tabletop and ignored the glares that Szayel was giving her as a result. The double doors at the top of the room opened and a dominating reiatsu seeped through and into the room, immediately earning respect. Aizen took his seat and pleasantly examined his army. Kira watched him carefully as instinct told her to – he could kill them all, discard them, throw them out in an instant if he wanted too. The girl stopped drumming her nails and pretended to sit still.

"Welcome, Espada." Aizen's tone was authorative and warm.

He called for tea and only entered executive talk when it had arrived, even then, talk was simple. He addressed the current missions, those outgoing and those past. In a few days, two Espada and two Arrancar would enter the real world to engage the Shinigami forces there. Shortly after their arrival, another Espada would follow and enter Karakura town at a different place. Aizen informed Kira that she was going for a different purpose; one that suffered more than reconnosaince. She would be there to take out anyone with high levels of reiatsu while the Shinigami Squad was engaged. It was an assassins job and Kira wasn't that, as a result, she resented her task somewhat. It felt dirty.

"Hai, Aizen-sama." Was all she could say in reply to her new orders.

Luppi watched her dully from across the table. "You should probably go to baby-sit number six while you're at it too."He taunted. "I mean, ex number six." He smiled coyly.

"Don't talk, I thought you were a girl for the first few days of your recruitment and haven't quite understood how you could be male yet." Kira shot back, a little peeved. She felt like insulting him. Often.

Luppi scowled quickly. "If you have to question anyone's gender, question your own. Your chest is like a flat-screen plasma TV."

"Ouch." Kira replied sarcastically.

Szayel found the technology reference amusing and sat back, smiling to himself. Ulquiorra did not look pleased, Yammy always looked pleased and everyone else just looked like they were enduring it.

Luppi eyed Kira slyly. "Novena, you're just a passing tribute to the elite, just like Grimmjow was." He rested his chin on his sleeved palm. "You'll get replaced soon enough."

Aizen watched with a pleasantly apathetic expression on his face as the girl straightened her posture and brought her eyes to the Sexta Espada.

"No, Luppi." Kira drummed her nails quickly in succession before continuing. "We all will."

-

_Your crusade's a disguise, replace freedom with fear  
You trade money for lives; I'm aware of what you've done  
No more sorrow, I've paid for your mistakes  
Your time is borrowed - Your time has come to be replaced_

_(Linkin Park, No more Sorrow)_

_-_

--------------------

If you're reading, please be reviewing. All input is appreciated, constructive criticism welcome.

Blessings,

P.


	5. Chapter 5

-

**Chapter 5**

_Are you lost on your lies  
Do you tell yourself I don't realize  
Your crusade's a disguise  
Replace freedom with fear  
You trade money for lives  
I'm aware of what you've done_

_(Linkin Park, No More Sorrow)_

-

Kira Sato lay on her stomach on top of the covers of her bed and stared across her room lazily. She would be dispatched for her mission in a couple of hours; the original team hadn't even left yet. People were going to die in the Real World that day. People were going to bleed. For some reason, the idea unsettled a small fragment of the Espada. She sighed and rolled onto her back. She was an elite killer, she took life and was life and decided life. For the first time in her life, Kira realised what a burden that thought had been to her. She hadn't noticed until then, but life is a heavy subject. When Grimmjow had lost his arm, she had felt true remorse. Remorse for what they lived for. It was fleeting and surprised; what else was there besides what her existence was? There was no more beyond optimality, and she had reached that point. The logical conclusion would be to live at the best for as long as possible and die to be replaced.

Kira frowned momentarily. What a macabre thought. Her frown passed and resumed again in a different form. No wonder Grimmjow called her pathetic. Logical thought was consuming her. The girl saw her whole life stretched before her as if she had already lived it and smiled. It was not a good life, but it was a powerful one. She had abilities, talents and opportunities that meagre human souls would kill for. Some of them literally. Kira wondered once if she was technically alive or dead. The hole in her chest signified that she had no heart, yet she still bled and breathed as if she needed one. The remnants of a mask on her face signified that which she was, yet she had evolved from it.

What was she?

Espada.

The girl sat up alertly and put the ball of her palm to her forehead in frustration. She figured herself cursed with a disabled mind and threw her legs over the side of her bed. Kira grabbed her shoes from the end of the frame and pulled them on before reaching for her katana and standing, rolling her neck and straightening her jacket. She set her headframe. It was time to live on the edge of someone else's weapon. A wicked grin spread across her features. That was more like it. It was a time for dying. Not for killing, but a time to watch that Shinigami fall.

Kira opened her door and stepped lithely into the familiar, monotonous corridors of Las Noches. Her launch point was the same as the previous groups. They had left ten minutes before; plenty of time to wipe out a Shinigami. If they didn't stop to monologue that is. Kira flipped her ponytail from its place over her shoulder and listened to it thud airily between her shoulder blades.

With an apathetic motion, the girl opened a garganta and stepped into its inky, unstable expanse. A blue light opened opposite and Kira walked through to the Real World. It was a bright day, the sun was out, the breeze was playful. It was a nice time to be alive.

Below her feet was a thick river banked by concrete. There was grass nearby and a road beyond that. Every so often the water was broken by a bridge or by a twist. In the distance was a forest, a park maybe, which expelled an abnormal amount of reiatsu. Kira kept her face blank as she realised that the fight had begun between the Arrancar and the Shinigami.

Kira stared at the area, her expression becoming curious. The spirit power oozing from the fight was phenomenal. It was bitter to the tongue and exciting to the senses. The animal in her wanted to leap in, claws out and teeth barred. The human in her, if there was one, told the hollow to stand down. Logic thought, the voice of reason, was a bitch. A sensible, well evolved, stubborn as nails heart. Maybe. Probably not. The girl pondered this a moment. She was Espada, not a simple, raw hollow who ran on instinct. Instinct was overpowering if logical thought was undeveloped. If one had obtained the latter evolution, then instinct became a deadly weapon, wielded by a planned, developed mind. Or so the theories went.

Kira sighed unceremoniously and searched for other reiatsu in the area. That was her job. Hopefully it found Grimmjow and the punk he was after.

The Novena's eyes opened, surprised. Deep behind her another spirit pressure wavered, strengthened and became evident. Kira glanced over her shoulder as a rectangle opened with a brilliant light, followed by a circular sliding with the same effect. A dark figure almost rushed out of the entry. The Espada had been suppressing her reiatsu and took a small amount of delight in the surprise that appeared on the Shinigami's face as she realised that her path to whatever was blocked.

Kira turned her body half to the other girl. She was familiar. She was the crumpled piece of paper she had found on the roadside in the vices of a gigai. The little Shinigami with black hair and pretty little features.

"Who are you?" The Shinigami gripped her blade firmly.

Kira didn't speak. She felt a surge of reiatsu flow steadily from nearby. A familiar power. Grimmjow had found the Shinigami. "Who am I?" She said carefully. "I am obviously an Arrancar. Who are you?"  
"Kuchiki Rukia of the..."

Kira held her hand up to stop the girl. "I don't want to know your squad, seat or captain." Her tone was not rude or assuming.

Rukia hesitated, not quite knowing what to respond to that. "Who are you?"  
"Sato Kira." Nothing more given, nothing less said.

Silence.

Kira could feel the tension. "Shinigami, what do I smell like to you? You burn my nose like bleach."

So clean and pure and destructive. Smell triggers memories and the imaginary stinging sensation brought to the forefront torment and pain caused by Shinigami. Not to herself, but in general. It reeked.

Rukia did not know what to make of the other woman. "Stop messing around."

Novena turned straight on to her opponent. "I don't mess around." Her tone became slightly playful; a little real.

There was an explosion of dark reiatsu. It was warm and boiling at the same time. Dark and light and everything in between. The hairs on Kira's neck stood up at the feeling; it was the Shinigami and his strange powers. It tasted like a Hollow.

The Shinigami had responded with a wide expression. She clutched her sword, obviously wanting to go but knowing that she had to stay.

The Espada decided that they had that in common and used Sonído to vanish from sight. Kuchiki Rukia would die later, the real fight was now. However, what surprised Kira the most was the appearance of the Shinigami mid-flight and the slashing of her sword. The Arrancar brought her blade up effortlessly to block; speed was of the essence and was her elite ability. She was not the fastest, but she could go like Hell Fire. Rukia seemed to realise this in a moment. The Shinigami was intelligent and powerful despite her appearance.

Kira drove her back with a swing of her unreleased katana and stood in the stillness that ensued. The other girl held her palm out, commanded a spell and let lose a stream of blue fire. The Espada vanished from sight and reappeared directly in front of the black clad enemy.

She met her eyes in a deadly manner. "This shouldn't hurt." She said quietly as she drove her sword under and into the stomach of the Shinigami.

Much to her surprise, the opponent retaliated by using Shunpo. She vanished and then reappeared sharply to the left, swinging at the non-sword hand of the enemy.

Kira raised her palm and caught the blade. She gripped it tight and threw it over her shoulder. As Rukia slid through the air directly above her, the Novena drove her fingers upwards, catching the girl in the shoulder and ensuring that a deep bruise would develop. It was a warning strike. She was not in a killing mood. Kira let go and separated herself from the Shinigami. When the Novena looked at her palm, she noticed a thin red line. It hadn't broken the skin, but the threat was evident. Things were about to get serious.

Grimmjow had taught her endurance styles, but maybe that wasn't how she was supposed to work. No, it was not how she should work. Hunt as you normally would but take styles as backups and impressions.

As Rukia travelled backwards, she released another kido attack. Kira released a cero to meet it in the middle and let the explosion flutter through her jacket and hair on its way past. The fight with Grimmjow was still going strong. She prayed it didn't end. There was a part of her that deeply hungered for the moment the Shinigami died. It was pathetic, sadistic and entirely carnal.

"Sode no Shirayuki."

Kira glanced up to see Rukia's blade change. It was beautiful. The Espada became aware of her own blade; it was her power and it was not beautiful. Curious jealousy crept up her spine.

"Hakuren."

The girl saw a stream of ice drive at her and moved out of the way only to witness another coming fast. Kira used Sonído to find an opening behind the Shinigami. She drove hard at it and was met with the sword of her opponent. Kira decided that it was time to up the pace. Rukia responded to her increased speed by trying to keep up and becoming overwhelmed.

In a lucky shot, the Shinigami swept her blade wide and caught Kira under the armpit. The Espada moved forward to avoid losing an arm and listened to her jacket rip up to the middle of her collar and fall away. There was now a hole over her shoulder. A rip in her uniform of sorts.

Novena.

Novena Espada.

9.

Kira turned around just in time to watch the realisation spread over the Shinigami's face. She was fighting an Espada. This made the battle easier. Rukia's attacks became less confident and Kira grew wild with the revelation of her power to her enemy. She liked a quick fight, but this one was drawing on a little for her liking. It was time to end it.

Rukia became sharply aware of the physical attributes of her enemy. The sharpest of which was the slight parting of her lips. The girl was a little short of breath. Suddenly aware of her weakness, the Shinigami waited until the last moment and ordered her blade's power again.

Kira was swinging in for the final blow, a small smile on her face as she went in for a swift kill, when a river of ice climbed up her arm, through her shoulders and down her body in a single moment. Kuchiki Rukia stood, panting, as the Arrancar froze in mid-motion. Kira had slacked off. Kira refused to believe in defeat as she watched the Shinigami disappear from sight and towards the reiatsu of her friend.

In a desperate flurry of anger, Kira forced the ice to crack and crumble around her. Furious she stared after the direction Rukia had disappeared in.

"Don't turn your back on me, Shinigami." She hissed to herself, sheathed her blade and took off.

Kira used her speed properly, uncaring for her endurance with it. She would find Rukia and kill her in a single hit; just as she should have done twice now. The reiatsu of the Shinigami had died away and only a fragment seemed to remain.

The sight the girl saw as she shot overhead was of Grimmjow, ripped and torn and gleefully happy, standing over the crouched form of the orange haired boy. His blade was through the arm of his opponent, pinning him to the ground as he fed a cero into his palm.

Kira stopped running and managed to halt her momentum just as a familiar voice ripped through her knowledge. Ice tore through the street, flooding it. Grimmjow saw it coming but was a little preoccupied and didn't move to stop the onslaught. The Novena Espada felt severely happy with this. If he got caught in it too, then it was no reflection on her; it was on the Shinigami.

"Ichigo!" The little dark haired girl cried, running towards her friend.

Kira now knew his name. Somehow, that made things less exciting. She would now meet him when she slept. Those without names didn't follow her around. The Arrancar suppressed her reiatsu and hid herself within in full view of the events. Reconnaissance was her ideal. Look first, strike quickly, leave fast. It was efficient. For the moment, Kira decided to wait for the opportune time to kill both powers in one strike.

The Substitute Shinigami appeared relieved at the sight of his friend. "That's some nice power..."

The Novena Espada scoffed and felt negative.

"Don't talk; it's hard to pull out." Rukia's voice was ever so slightly unattractive. There was something too good about it. Something too dominating.

Ichigo was cringing as his friend pulled at the Sexta Espada blade that was buried between his radius and ulna.

"You also used some pretty wild power." Were the words that struck Kira the most. They concreted her scowl in place. So the Shinigami was what she had predicted, what she had felt; she was not imagining it with her annoyingly pathetic mind again.

Kira's expression faded into openness as she witnessed a moment pass between the protagonists. There was something to it that she didn't understand. It was not love, but it felt like something just as strong. Not something you kissed for; something you killed for.

And then there came the shattering crack. The crumble of ice. The hand reaching out and gripping the raven haired Shinigami by the skull.

"Don't underestimate me, Shinigami." Grimmjow said roughly. He was pleased. "You thought that by freezing the whole street that you could kill me? You're too naive."

Kira smiled wickedly and came out of the shadows. "She hit me first, Grimmjow." Came the smooth statement.

"And you didn't hit her back!" Came the laughed reply. "She's mine now, brat."

"She underestimated me too, Grimmjow. Ice can't kill those who are already cold."

"Heh." He replied cockily and turned his attention to Rukia.

She had an expression of fear and surprise chiselled into her face. The sound of a cero keening filled the air and accompanied Grimmjow's low laugh.

"Rukia!" The Substitute cried out, still pinned to the sidewalk. His entire being was desperate, crying out to help his friend. Screaming silently.

Kira crossed her arms and waited for it to all come to an end. Point blank range was quick and fairly painless. She approved of that method of stealing and killing her opponent; if Grimmjow had to do it, and Lord knows he would, he would to it accordingly.

And yet...the day contained even more surprises than one could poke a stick at. Kira's face shot up as a white explosion hit the Sexta Espada in the forearm, breaking him off the Shinigami and leaving a steaming limb in its wake. Rukia stumbled backwards, panting in shock.

"Geez."

The Novena Espada felt a growl climb her throat at the voice. And then her world halted. A blonde with short stubby pigtails was staring her down from a space separate to the group attacked by the new intruder.

Hiyori Sarugaki was an aggressive, short tempered girl with violent tendencies. Her reiatsu was far too close to her own for Kira to take her lightly. With a smug, silent expression, the Vizard hovered her hand over her face and dragged a Hollow mask across her features.

She yelled defiantly and swung her already drawn sword on the Espada. Kira drew her blade and felt the spirit power of the small girl surge through her weapon and down her arm. This surprised the Arrancar greatly. She had not expected such an assault, nor such a power, to exist and be directed at her. Then again, no one expected what to wake up a Hollow and spend an entire existence hungering for the souls of good people.

The Espada didn't say a word as she was driven back down the street by a constant slashing from her opponent. The blonde was yelling and roaring aggressively.

"What are you?" Kira hissed, sliding to a halt after the first onslaught ended. She realized that she had little chance of fighting the new-comer on equal grounds.

"What do I feel like, Arrancar?" Came the drenched reply.

Kira's felt the reiatsu of a hollow soar over her from the girl. "You feel like I do."

She meant it as an insult; it was taken as one. The blonde drove harder and faster at the Espada. Her speed and strength was phenomenal. If it hadn't been for the latter, Kira might have been able to hold her own but the force of each blow was draining her fast. She was simply not equipped to go against a fully charged lion.

The Espada used Sonído to disappear from sight and reappear high up in the sky. She shot a cero at the quick chase of her overwhelming opponent. This was sliced through effortlessly and broken from in order to open an attack on the Arrancar. Hiyori screamed viciously as she slashed downwards, delighting in the ringing of her opponents sword and the sudden give in pressure.

"Is that all you've got!" She yelled after the falling figure.

Kira pulled in a decent breath and twisted herself as she plummeted down to earth again. She was getting whipped by a wimped version of herself. Or, so she told herself. Pathetic. The Novena Espada put her palm on the flat of her blade and prepared to release it.

A yellow light surrounded her, but it was not her own. She stopped moving suddenly. The other girl hesitated at the sudden intrusion. Kira looked upwards in anger and wanted very much to throw something breakable at a wall. Mission over as deemed by Aizen. No. "No." She hissed. It was not over. It was hardly over.

Other tubes of transport were dragging the others back to Hueco Mundo too. They were clumped together except for one. Grimmjow had been so nearby. It was all over. Kira met the eye of her now unmasked opponent. She wondered at the being she had fought. She wondered intensely. Too much weirdness had occurred to dismiss. Curiosity killed the cat, or so the theory went.

The stout blonde looked remarkably pleased with herself; an opposite to her latest opponent. "Run home, Espada, run home with your pathetic tail between your legs."

Kira spat vehemently and sheathed her blade. She didn't say anything until the darkness enveloped her home. Then she swore. And then she arrived in Hueco Mundo and plastered on an apathetic face. Maybe she was pathetic; she had been that day. What a failed mission. What a disgusting disgrace. Individualistic vices never worked – they ensured the removal of vital weapons, like arms.

Kira had been slack. She had lost her attention for a moment and then lost herself in a Shinigami's Shikai. She had figured it okay for Grimmjow to take her opponent and found herself another. One that conflicted everything within her and confused her greatly. The blonde had been a good guy, and yet, her core with the mask had been so rotten it was almost hollow. It tasted too sweet and homely to be a passing matter. Kira had no desire to fight the masked girl, but she did have a strong need to know what she was or at least, know that she could beat her. And she could. She kept telling herself that she could. She would have driven the girl back and sliced her open with a single hit.

The count was going up. Kira had left the Shinigami once, fought her once and almost had her killed, lost her, lost to a stranger with no name and an incredible power.

When Grimmjow appeared, bloodied and bruised, the girl decided to take it out on him. "I got wimped by two people today! Two people that I could have whipped into a pulp in an instant! You ruined my attack style with your stupid training!"

Ulquiorra was next to the Sexta Espada, staring with blank disdain.

Grimmjow was not pleased either. He had been torn from his battle too. "Don't complain about your weaknesses, brat." He growled at her. "I don't care for PMS."  
"I don't have PMS!" Kira's tone was annoyed.

The blue haired Arrancar gave the girl a once over. "You really are wimped." He smiled ever so slightly, amused.

The Novena let her face become blank. "Don't let it happen again."  
"Make that promise to yourself."

Kira growled lowly and turned away from the Espada.

"Oi, you're bleeding." Grimmjow stated flatly, diverging the topic.

The girl didn't remember being hit by anything that would cause her to bleed. She was fuming enough to think she was invincible. She felt the warm spill over her exposed shoulder. "Shit."

"Classy." Ulquiorra motioned apathetically as he left the bickering pair.

"Piss off." Kira hissed. She tried to see her shoulder. "When did that happen?"  
"Sometime during the last hour I'm guessing." Came the smug reply.

"Don't be smart. You're bleeding too."

Silence.

"Did we both get whipped?" Kira stated in frustration. She threw her hands in the air. "We both got whipped. Fantastic." The girl pulled a displeased face and walked off. A few steps away, she turned around. "If I had one more minute. Half a minute. Ten seconds! If I had ten seconds," she pointed at Grimmjow to justify herself "I would have won. You taught me to mess around in fights and I don't do that. You do that. Ten seconds!" Kira made an angry noise and marched away.

The Former Sexta Espada, damaged through he was, let out a mono-syllabic half cough, half laugh and buried his hand in his pocket. Women were nothing but trouble. Annoying, weak, emotional wrecks that could scratch and tear and yell and scream but when it came to the killing and the failing; they liked to blame the men. They knew it was their fault for being a punk, but they still blamed the men. It was easy to blame them, guys handled things different. They took on a punching bag, ate a packet of chips, went to sleep and woke up with a new lease on life – a lease that said 'I will be better'. Girls ate something fattening, sat on the sofa and did something depressing, woke up and wondered why they had a bruise on their face and had a hissy fit.

True story.

Even so, despite all of that, Grimmjow couldn't help but see Kira as 'one of the guys'. That's what being Espada was; it was an elite group of tough-as-nails, best-of-the-best Arrancar in all of Hueco Mundo. They were poker night and the season final all in one messed up, indescribably cream-of-the-crop-force.

However, Grimmjow was still peeved about being cut off as he went to finish his opponent. Like Ichigo, he had a strange reiatsu. Something so powerful and uncontrolled that it made one doubt ones abilities for a split second before rooting them into confidence against the complete unknown.

The Blue Haired Arrancar rumbled angrily at the thought and moved in an unceremonious manner to his room where he brooded in silence over the day. No Shinigami had died. No Arrancar had died. No one had fallen. It was worse than failing. They had gained nothing and learnt nothing and were becoming nothing through their stagnant efforts. If he had had his powers; his arm. His number.

Kira twisted in front of the mirror to see the damage. Her jacket was ruined and her shoulder had a gash in it; neither thin nor thick, long nor short, shallow nor deep. It didn't matter what it was. What mattered was that it went straight through the nine on her body. The little blonde brat had aimed at her tattoo and hit it – she had won. Kira hissed in loathing. Her number. Her definition. Her power. They were all encapsulated by the tattoo and now there was a mark through it. Maybe it had always been marred and had only come to light now. It took a Shinigami to unveil her power and a punk to attempt to remove it.

Pathetic.

Kira leant on the table in her room and stared heavily out the window at Hueco Mundo. A bitter taste filled her mouth. Was this all there was? Fights and intended death? Is that supposed to be fulfilling for someone like her? Is it supposed to be justified for any soul?

The girl let out a disgusted noise and shook her head sharply clear before pulling her singlet carefully off her head. Carefully as not to rip the injury. Carefully to avoid pain. She avoided pain and messed up; undoubtedly human traits. Undoubtedly instinctive rather. The girl was wearing a strapless wrap around her bust and, even so, noticed her exposure to her world. Kira felt her Hollow Hole and the remnants of her mask as the stood exposed in the privacy of her room. She felt her skin, her hair, her fingernails. She sensed sight, touch, taste, hearing, smell. She, in all her existence, implied death and in all her thought, wanted to completely reject the thought no matter how absurd it was.

Sometimes, you have a really bad day. Sometimes, that really bad day does not compare to the one you just had.

_-_

_You don't know how you got here  
You just know you want out  
Believing in yourself  
Almost as much as you doubt_

_(U2, Hold me, Thrill me, Kiss me, Kill me)_

-

-------------

If you are reading please be reviewing. I appreciate all input and take constructive criticism. Let me know what you thought.  
Blessings,

P.


	6. Chapter 6

-

**Chapter 6**

_So what if you can see the darkest side of me  
No one will ever change this animal I have become  
Help me believe it's not the real me_

_(Three Day's Grace, Animal I have Become)_

_**-**_

Kira usually slept heavily, probably not a convenient trait for an Espada to have, but she hated dreaming. Dreaming let her know what her unconscious wished to haunt her with. Good dreams were fake, bad dreams completely real. When you live in Las Noches, nightmares are created by consciousness. That night, the girl saw the faces of every soul she had killed as they watched her from across a river.

There were many Hollow, a few humans and a rare Shinigami. They stood in an unordered bunch; all of them not minding the closeness of their rivals, enemies and allies. They, at that point, were simply souls. Nothing more, nothing less. And they beckoned her forth. Welcomed her.

The water was bitterly cold and unpredictable. It was like death itself. It gurgled and struggled around, fighting desperately to stay full of whatever kept it moving. Kira stood at its edge and stared at the opposite bank with a sharp expression. She turned away from them and walked in the opposite direction. The moment the girl faced up, she saw the same scene. The river, the bank, the souls. All of it. Kira frowned and turned again. The event repeated. A crisp touch wrapped itself around her foot. The girl glanced down and saw the water climbing at her. She stepped backwards and found herself ankle deep in the river. When she looked up, the souls were speaking.

They said 'Welcome, sister' and opened their arms to her.

Kira frowned and searched for land. Death could not have her; yet, as an Espada, it surrounded her. Always lulling and moving and changing as her life progressed. It progressed towards one thing; the opposite bank. It wanted her.

Kira forced herself awake and was greeted by the blank white of her ceiling. Her chest rose and fell in quick, shallow succession and her head swam. The girl swore and put her forearm across her eyes. She refused to believe that she was afraid of death; yet evidence suggested that she would do anything to fight it. In herself, in her comrades. Maybe not so much the latter. Grimmjow had watched her back in a smug, greedy sort of way. It was more that he preferred to fight than to watch her take something down. He wouldn't interfere if it was serious though; he did possess an ounce of respectability. It had always been like that. Kira wouldn't ever break in to save Grimmjow because, one, he would probably kill her for doing so, and two, both of them retained a barring of pride that forbid that sort of behaviour. No, it was instinctive to survive. All Hollow did it. The Espada are the epitome of it. It is their nature. It is them.

Kira lifted her arm off her face and stared curiously at her hand. She flexed it open and closed and turned it around. It was a human hand, a feminine hand, her hand. It allowed her to grip a sword in her own style, to fight with a viciousness she had created and defend herself when required. Useful appendage.

Kira laughed lowly and chastised herself as reality took hold of her. She was not concerned with death, it wouldn't befall her unless she let it. She was Novena Espada. An elite. Her entire being rang with that truth.

The girl sat up and ran her fingers through her hair as it hung lose down her back. She sighed sleepily and stood up. She wandered over to the small closet located near the sofa and pulled her jacket out. The ripped one had been discarded swiftly and a new one employed in its place.

Kira fingered the material before reaching over her shoulder and letting her fingers run over the skin her tattoo was inked into. There was a short break through the number, a well-aimed scar. The girl was not pleased with that. At all. It was her number, her ID, her ranking and her existence all in one. Kira tugged her clothes on in a foul mood. There was a meeting with Aizen about the mission. He was probably going to watch as one of his officers, namely Tousen, went rank at them about getting so beaten up. It wasn't her fault; that blonde girl had been brutal and raw and something that Kira had never come across. The power that seeped from her had been amazing; the Novena reckoned she could have put up a decent fight with the masked woman; maybe to no end, but defiantly to no defeat. Defiantly.

Kira tugged her shoe on and headed for the door. The corridor beyond it was empty. The girl noticed something different though; something had altered ever so slightly. It was almost unnoticeable, but something had happened to Las Noches. Kira frowned for a moment and wondered at this before dismissing the idea as a symptom of her current mind-frame. Grimmjow could bash it out of her later.

The girl arrived in Aizen's throne room to find Luppi and Wonderweiss already present.

"Aizen-Sama." She fulfilled her duty to her leader and retired to become background music.

Luppi eyed her, a gleaming expression plastered onto his face. "You look terribly tired, Novena. Having nightmares?" His tone was mocking.  
Kira glanced up. Aizen was watching them with a semi-interested look, his finger characteristically balancing near his chin as if it would enhance his thought.

"You look like a girl, Luppi. Having PMS?" Came the mostly lame quip.

Before Luppi could aim another lilting comment at her, the doors opened. Yammy walked in first, his step lumbering and confident. Grimmjow followed after; everything about him casual and brooding. The world could have ended and he wouldn't give a damn. He was still annoyed over his last fight and brilliantly aware of his missing limb and rank when around Luppi. The loathing aimed at the Espada was nearly tangible. Grimmjow hated him. Really, truly hated him.

Kira met the Blue Haired Arrancar's eye and quarter nodded an acknowledgement. He was still out to get her for looking down on him, so he thought, during the last few weeks. He was so aware of his demotion that it angered him to have anyone address it; even without words. Kira had held back when fighting him, she had reminded him that he was Arrancar now, she had even got a sword through the foot for a perceived indiscretion. Kira would keep her distance from Grimmjow while he was in a bad mood.

Aizen examined the group for a moment, noticing that each one of them carried damage from their battles. He welcomed them all and didn't mention any of their losses. "I have gathered you all here to see the result of your recent mission."

Kira looked up at her leader. The result? What result? They all got thrashed in varying degrees.

"You were sent to eradicate the Shinigami, and though that failed, Ulquiorra succeeded in his mission. You provided him ample opportunity, thank you." Aizen continued.

The Novena blinked. And then it hit her. They had been sent as a distraction; none of them had even been aware of the main mission until that moment. The girl felt a surge of anger that melded into bitterness. She had been sent to stop the strays interfering while everyone else did their 'thing'. Kira fumed silently at this revelation; she was the extra, the end of the line, the amputee.

Grimmjow looked as if he had expected the whole thing and continued to stand apathetically with his hand, singular, buried into the pocket of his Hakama. Luppi was obviously as disgruntled as the girl was. Yammy probably knew from the word go.

"Meaning no disrespect, Aizen-sama," Kira spoke up, "do you mean to say that we were sent as a decoy for some greater plot?"

"The end justifies the means." Aizen replied smoothly.

The girl let her expression fall into a controlled glare. She bit her tongue against what she wanted to say and dropped her head slightly in acknowledgement. She did not appreciate the plan. At all. Kira pretended to deal with it.

"Ulquiorra," The man on the throne called across the room, "you may come in now."

The fourth stepped quietly from his near-unknown position near the door and entered the room without airs or graces. His respect was aimed at Aizen and given when he reached the man. He then turned his pale face back at the door. Everyone else in the room followed suit curiously.

Kira frowned for a confused moment. In the doorway stood the shy figure of a woman. Her reiatsu was evident, though not a threat in the least. Her smell was unmistakably human. A human. A human woman. It was the lowest of low powers according to society. They had been sent, nearly killed and returned in disgrace for what society had oppressed for so long. However, Kira couldn't bring herself to be angry at the new comer. Something interesting was stirring in the air and had grabbed her attention sharply. She watched as the well endowed red-head walked consciously to the foot of Aizen's throne.

"Welcome to our castle, Las Noches."

Kira crossed her arms self consciously and watched the girl sharply as Aizen spoke to her. She had a pretty little face and a very honest expression. The Novena Espada was very interested in this human now.

"You are Inoue Orihime ,correct?" Aizen's tone didn't change. It was always constant.

"Hai." The girl's voice was small and worried.

"I'm sorry to ask you so suddenly," The man continued "but can you demonstrate your powers for me?"

Kira peered at Orihime. Powers? The girl was barely a registering on the reiatsu scale, let alone displaying any form of power beyond the ability to see and sense ghosts and hollows. There was something in the look that Aizen gave her that made the girl's eyes widen slowly in fright. She was beginning to understand her situation.

"It seems that there's still someone that isn't pleased with us bringing you here."

The Novena Espada glanced over to Luppi. They had been the pair most annoyed at the revelation as to the true objective of their mission; she had since let the grudge dissolve.

"Isn't that so, Luppi?" There was nothing in Aizen's voice that demanded respect or subservience.

"Of course, our whole battle was just to bring this woman here?" The Sexta Espada looked at the ground like a pissed off teenager. "I just can't accept that."  
"I'm sorry, I didn't expect you to get beaten up like that."

Something in the man's tone made Kira smile ever so slightly to herself. Luppi was not amused.

Aizen then leant forward as if realising something. He looked over his Arrancar. "Oh, that's right." He turned to the human. "Orihime, in order to test your powers, I would like you to restore Grimmjow's left arm."

Kira uncrossed her arms in a physical reaction to her emotional disbelief. She stared at Grimmjow as he stood by himself, casual and apathetic and cool. As the words of their leader sank in, the Blue Haired Arrancar seemed to realise that something was about to happen. He responded ever so slightly, his mind obviously not quite grasping the concept. It was a common occurrence throughout the Arrancar and Espada, the disbelief. The request itself was something no one had even conceived as a thought, let alone an action.

Luppi was the most vocal about it. "Impossible! That's not possible, Aizen-sama!" He scoffed. "Grimmjow? His arm was burnt by Tousen. How do you restore something that's been destroyed? She's not a god!"

The Novena Espada faced Grimmjow and watched him observe the human. The girl saw something in him she never thought existed. Ever. It was a mix between desperation and possibility; it only lasted a moment before being replaced by a softly shocked expectation. Those in the Real World and in Soul Society had a word for that. Hope. Kira pondered this for a moment. She dismissed it. For them, no such thing existed. They didn't need hope, they needed ability.

"Souten Kisshun." Orihime said, resigned to what was happening to her. Two small fragments broke from her hair pins and seemed to fly, forming a translucent orange shell over the place Grimmjow's left arm should have been. "I...reject it." She seemed to hesitate, unsure as to who and what she was treating.

This thing called hope was something she no longer possessed. Something she handed away so that others might have it. Kira crossed her arms again and watched carefully, scrutinising

"Hey, do you hear me woman!?" The Sexta Espada continued to spew. "Stop trying to put on a good performance to save your own life!"

Grimmjow turned his eyes onto Luppi as he spoke and watched him with a growing hatred.

"If you can't do it, I'll kill you."

Kira watched intently and listened to Luppi's voice falter as he continued.

"That power of yours has to be fake! There's no reason for us to - ." He stopped dead in his tracks.

The girl felt her throat close up slightly as the unthinkable happened. This human, this pathetic excuse for a soul, was restoring Grimmjow's arm. The Former Espada was staring down as his sleeve filled; fragments of his left hand returned under the glowing shell, forming every bone and muscle and memory that used to be there prior. The man lifted his hand up and stared at it in shock. Grimmjow had an expressive face; it reflected the exact same emotion that Kira was struggling to maintain. All she could think was 'what the hell?' in an observant tone. There was a slight aftertaste of horror. This was not normal. This did not belong. This power was not human, it was not real. It was not possible. And yet...

"Why? Is it regeneration?" Luppi resumed his spiel. "I didn't hear about anything on that level."  
Kira wanted to tell him that no one had heard of anything on that level. No one had heard or seen anything of the sort until that moment. It was truly astounding.

"What in the world did you do, woman!?" The Espada's tone became frantic. His nemesis now had two arms.

Aizen had been watching, pleased from his throne. "Don't you understand? Ulquiorra called this 'Time Reversal' or 'Spatial Reversal'."  
"Yes." Ulquiorra breathed assuredly.

Luppi watched the pair over his shoulder. "No way." He denied. "For a human to have this power...it's not possible."

"That is right." Aizen replied. "No matter how you look at it...this is 'Event Rejection."

Kira uncrossed her arms again. She had the urge to reach out and touch Grimmjow, to turn his hand over and over and judge for herself that it was there. It wasn't possible.

"Her ability allows her to designate a target and reject the wound on its body, making it as though it had never occurred. It is an ability that allows her to restore something to its previous state, no matter what has happened to it...it can easily reject any event which God has ordained. It is a power that violates the realm of God."

Grimmjow had been listening to this and thinking as the story unfolded. He tested his hand by clenching it, moving it, feeling it. It was as if they had never been parted. "Oi, woman." He said, turning around. "Heal this too."

Kira hesitated as the man indicated the scar near his Hollow Hole. Orihime responded by gasping slightly in fright before obeying the order. The Novena Espada felt her stomach sink strangely as the human went to restore a stolen rank. It felt like a premonition, like dread. It didn't make sense; but then again, not a lot that had occurred in the last half hour did.

The scar on Grimmjow's back peeled away, revealing the number six. Luppi tensed up, his tone became deep and controlling. "What are you trying to do, Grimmjow?"

There was a sickening silence. "Huh?" The restored Espada grinned sadistically and turned around.

In an instant, he had driven his left hand through the torso of the man he hated most at that point in time. His face was full of glee and blood lust as he held Luppi up with his arm. Blood wrapped around his fingers as they appeared on the other side of the Espada's torso and the victim tasted the offense as one would taste death. Or maybe, death was the offense. Either way, he had removed Grimmjow and now, Grimmjow would remove him.

Luppi's voice was angry, yet strangled. "Grimmjow, you bastard."  
"That's how it is." The Sexta Espada said cockily. "See ya, ex-number six."

He filled his hand with a large cero and released it, point blank, into the face of his enemy. There was a blinding flash of red light and the smell of burnt hair and flesh. Kira blinked at the sharp odour and watched with a controlled understanding. She did not condone his behaviour, but she could see how deserved it was. Luppi was dead and the real Sexta Espada had taken up his rightful place in Las Noches once more. The dead body crumbled to its knees and slumped tersely to the floor as Grimmjow removed his arm and began to laugh manically.

Kira didn't know why, but she hated the sound. She hated that laugh. It was sick. It was sadistic, narcissistic, evil. Then again, they were bad souls. The unwanted eggs. The girl realised something as her comrade clutched the air and roared happily; they were rotten, their world was rotten. There was no beauty, no peace; nothing except a hunger for power, blood and an overbearing lust to survive. They were pure instinct and deadly emotion; nothing more, nothing less. Kira felt disgusted at herself. Disgusted. Grimmjow had aroused that in her by reviving himself.

"They're back." He chimed gleefully. "They're back, my powers are back! I am the sixth! The sixth Espada, Grimmjow!"

The Sexta Espada continued to laugh as the others in the room grasped what had happened. Ulquiorra looked disgusted, as if he had tasted the same fruit Kira had just experienced. The girl looked at the other Arrancar and noticed that their faces reflected what she felt, yet they all seemed to understand it differently. Some accepted it, some enjoyed it, some lived it. They were all what they were and they had just witnessed the power of their evolution. Of their kind. Grimmjow was them and they were him and they would do anything it took to regain themselves and restore every piece of their being to full power.

Orihime looked shocked. She didn't know what she had done, all she knew was that it was something she would never grasp or come close to understanding. She was too innocent for it. Too human.

Kira closed her eyes slowly and once again dismissed her thought pattern as an irregular fault. She turned away from Grimmjow and took her leave from Aizen. The girl passed the human on her way out and felt her trembling in a mix of awe and horror as Grimmjow continued to revel in his victory.

Kira reached the door and turned back. The Sexta Espada slowed his laughing and half turned to face her, grinning in pleasure. The girl kept her expression blank as she turned from him and left the room; she had seen enough. And it was not enough. She felt elated for Grimmjow and overjoyed at Luppi's demise, yet she felt dirty at the way it had unfolded. It was filthy because it was so purely Espada; it was like watching your soul. It was like being Dorian Gray, living a life of sin and never bearing it even though he knew it was reflected somewhere else. That somewhere was the human. The human had revealed to Kira the raw form of what they were and she wanted to wrap her fingers around the woman's throat in revenge for that.

_-_

_And while that sends you reeling from decimated dreams  
Your misery and hate will kill us all  
So paint it black and take it back  
Let's shout out loud and clear  
Do you fight it to the end?_

_(My Chemical Romance, Welcome to the Black Parade)_

-

Grimmjow threw the door to the Novena Espada's room open with exuberant force. "Brat!" He roared. "Brat!"

Kira wasn't there. The Sexta Espada glanced around the room and noticed something significant was missing. He scowled and turned away, moving down the hallway with a determined gait. The little bitch had walked out on him. She had walked out on him as if he didn't matter. Like hell he didn't matter; he was all that mattered. Grimmjow felt his ego swelling as his pride grew firm. He had his arm, he had his rank, he had his health. He was going to kill that Shinigami like he killed Luppi; with power and without mercy. He was going to make his enemies remember the name 'Grimmjow Jeagerjaques' by burning it into their souls.

He found her in the open, sweating under the sun as she drove her fists repeatedly into a bag dangling from a wall. The heat and the cardio had become her desired training ground; they forced resistance and endurance for those working with them. The girl went there to train and to release her excess stress and find relief from her mind and purpose in her actions. The wall was part of the great expanse of Las Noches and one of the few that was touched by sunlight. The Sexta Espada used Sonído to drop down beside the girl and grip her wrist in a fierce vice.

Kira's eyes went wide in surprise and then shut in response to the punch she received across the jaw. The girl stumbled backwards across the sand and lost her balance, rolled over her shoulders and struggled to her feet. Her hair band had slipped out somewhere along the line of her tumble and allowed her hair to fall recklessly free.

"Grimmjow, you bastard." She touched her lip. It was bleeding. "What the hell?"  
He grinned as he had when advancing on Luppi and crossed the distance he had created between them. "Hello, Novena."  
Kira hissed lowly. "What are you doing?"  
"What do you think I'm doing?" He said, continuing his gait. "I'm going to teach you a lesson."  
"Is this one of those sword-through-the-foot things?"  
"We can do that if you'd like, but it's going to come closer to death."  
"Reason?" She asked, her tone lifting as she realised how serious he was.

"You know, brat. You know full well."

"Back off, Grimmjow." Kira said defiantly.  
"You dared to look down on me. I told you never to do that."  
"I did no such thing, even though you were an Arrancar."  
"I was never less than Sexta Espada!" He roared, finally closing the distance and gripping the girl by the throat.

Kira didn't resist him. She wouldn't fight him simply because he was angry at her for pissing him off. She had done nothing wrong. He just didn't know the story. Even so, her instincts rose, telling her this was more than an honour battle.

"Grimmjow." She gripped his wrist.

It was alive and warm to the touch. Two hours before, it hadn't existed.

"Grimmjow, this..." he lifted her off the ground, grinning as he forced her throat closed.

Kira grimaced as his hand crushed around her neck. She dug her nails into his skin and lifted her chin in a bid to breathe.

"I should kill you." The Sexta Espada said mincingly. "I killed Luppi without a second thought. He looked down on me, he disrespected me and he tried to remove me."  
"I..." The girl clawed Grimmjow's fingers as she tried to speak. "Not at you." She managed to get out. "...me. It was me."  
The Blue Haired Espada frowned for a moment. "What?"

"You made me realise something I hated."  
"What do you hate?"  
There was a lengthy silence. "Me."

Grimmjow stared and dropped the girl. Kira landed on her knees and coughed violently, her fingers at her throat.

"I'm not like you, Grimmjow." She spat. "I'm not bravado and pride. I'm honour and thought; both of which are contradicting themselves as of late."

"Really, brat?"

Kira met Grimmjow's eye. She was furious. "I am disgusting." She stated as steadily as she could. "Repulsive. I see the pain as if it were my own. I see the fear and feel guilty. I see the destruction and I feel no pride. It goes against everything that I am and everything I worked towards. My Hierro is strong, but not strong enough. My Sonído is fast, but I'm not the fastest. Not yet. I have a rank, but it's at the bottom. I have nightmares when I am one...but I wouldn't change any of it. What does that make me?"

"That makes you pathetic, Espada." Grimmjow stared down at her. However, he found himself incapable of looking down upon her. He could only see her as an equal from a different place and, because of this, he understood what she was saying about her perception of him for the very first time.

Kira stood up, she still struggled to breathe. "We are created from desperation and despair and we use that as our base." The girl coughed. "We are Hollow."

Grimmjow spat at the ground near her feet. "I am Espada."  
The girl stared at him. "It's not that easy."

The Blue Haired Sexta lunged out at her again and caught her throat once more. It had been easy. She was Novena, he was Sexta. There was no match. He was heavier, stronger, fitter. She might be faster, intelligent and flexible, but when she was down she struggled to get up. He had put her down.

"You're pathetic, brat." Grimmjow hissed. "I could kill you now. I could snap your neck. It would be easy."  
"Then do it." Kira wrapped her fingers around his wrist and kept eye contact. "You said you would kill me. So do it." Her voice was strained by the effort to speak.

He growled at her.

She shifted to open her throat to speak. "Do it, Grimmjow! Do it! Come on! Kill me!"

Grimmjow roared at her and threw her aside. "Why did you hold back when I was an Arrancar?"

The girl lay like a piece of soggy paper in the sand. Her hair spilled free over her back and she dug her nails into the sand as she tried to remember why she was there.

She coughed and tried to speak, coughed again and then managed to get her reply out. "Why do you hold back when you are an Espada?"

Kira glanced back at Grimmjow over her shoulder. She saw a Blue Haired man with his hands buried in his pockets and a self-reliant look on his face. He did not need her, she did not need him but they couldn't find a reason why they needed to be alone. Loneliness haunted the Vasto Lorde as they came to grips with their evolutionary peak. It was painful and sharp and powerful but it was not living. It was existence but it was not alive.

-

The thing about Hueco Mundo is that, the moon is always the same. There were no oceans to pull, no days to come; the sky was constant. The sand kept changing, shifting, moving, the air kept raging, pausing, twisting and the souls kept hunting, killing and fighting. But the moon always stayed the same. It was almost comforting.

Kira had found her way onto a small alcove of rooftop that buried itself into the structure of Las Noches. She had found the place a long time ago and only ever had one other person there. Grimmjow sat, brooding, nearby. His full sleeve was a dominating attachment; millions of thoughts were dwelling on it and spinning away. Kira was laying on her back, staring up. The pair had not really intended to end up in that place together, but it had happened. No one intends to meet a stranger and somehow develop a bond, if that was what you could call it, with them. A bond? Maybe. Probably.

The events of the hours before had passed under brooding thought and fuming action. Grimmjow had walked off and left the girl to breathe for a bit. They had both dwelled too much on the topic and, as a result, discarded it. Grimmjow was Sexta Espada again and that was reason to celebrate.

Kira felt respect for the restored Espada; it had not died with his rank and had not risen with his resurrection. He drove her mad, fought relentlessly with her and had rarely ever used her name. And yet, the girl found herself near him. Grimmjow may have been coming to her too. That might have been a small part of it. He might have been craving company unconsciously, just as all animals seemed to do at some point. She didn't need him, at all, but the feeling that, maybe if she did, she wouldn't really mind. He wouldn't really mind. It was a peculiar relationship, it didn't transverse normal boundaries. It created its own and laid down laws that reflected its entirety. Respect was the first. Loyalty was the last. Everything in between was open to interpretation.

"Do you ever wonder about who you were?" Kira said in a curious tone. "I mean, who you were before this? I mean, I know that we're created when a plus is corrupted into a malevolent soul when we have too many regrets or a strong emotional connection to something and are too stubborn to pass on."

Grimmjow glanced sideways at her. "That connection is the reason you're here. The reason you became corrupted. Baka."  
"Doesn't that bug you?"  
"What?"  
"You were once a nice guy." Kira mused, her tone lightly sarcastic. "Grimmjow, you might have once been a really nice guy." She mocked.

"Bullshit." He knew she was mocking him. As if he had ever been nice. Admirable, respectable, upright – but never nice. "You were always a brat."  
Kira laughed slightly. "What if we'd known each other before? It's probably an eternal-bond-type-theory." She was joking about the last part of her statement. "Maybe that's why you won't piss off and leave me alone."

The Sexta Espada laughed. "Hah! You're the one who won't leave me alone, brat."

"Maybe we were married."

He became dead serious an unamused. "Okay, now you really are bullshitting."  
Kira smiled to herself.

He remained silent. Amused.

A very long period of time passed. It was funny how the threads of the past were picked up so easily by those who weren't even concerned with the existence of before. It seemed to be natural. Natural was as natural is. They were animals; raw, instinctive, alive. They felt and moved and dreamed like humans though and they fought like a Shinigami. They were the Espada and they would kill anyone who told them otherwise; no matter what their mental theories told them otherwise.

"Brat?"

"Mm?" She didn't turn to him.

"Don't die." Came the flat, unemotional statement. It was more an order than a concern. Actually, it wasn't concerned at all.

_-_

_I don't know if I can yell any louder  
I can be so mean when I wanna be  
I am capable of really anything  
I can cut you into pieces  
I always say how I don't need you  
But it's always gonna come right back to this  
Can't you tell that this is all just a contest?  
The one that wins will be the one that hits the hardest  
You're my perfect little punching bag  
You say I don't need you  
But it's always gonna come right back  
It's gonna come right back to this  
(Pink, Please don't Leave Me)_

-

----------

Thanks for reading. Remember to review.

Constructive Criticism encouraged. Discussion welcome.

Blessings,

Peterpauper.


	7. Chapter 7

-

**Chapter 7**

"_The best way to drive out the devil...is to jeer and flout him, for he cannot bear scorn"_

_Luther_

**-**

Kira Sato was in the real world again. Aizen had sent her on another mission to ascertain the response and movements of the Shinigami forces located in Karakura Town. It was only a day since Orihime Inoue went missing and very little reiatsu had moved. Everything was uncannily still. Unnervingly normal.

This continued for a good few hours. And then the air lifted and grew. It was like a dust storm had arrived; hardly visible but ominous all the same. Things were getting dry, vacant, desperate. The Novena followed the aura until she landed upon the clump of reiatsu. She was skilled at hiding her own. The girl was not strong or particularly elite, but she was fast, clean and silent. More of an assassin than a trained warrior. Effective in her own way. Even so, an assassin in an open fight like the ones the Espada usually engaged in would have to be incredibly skilled and confident. They would have to end it fast or they would fall faster. It was the knife edge of her existence.

Kira was perched on the rooftop of Orihime's house. Her old house. Inside, a meeting was going on. The Substitute, the Captain and all the rest were inside. The Espada didn't really pay acute attention to what they were saying; she was rather focused on their responses to the situation. There was vague talk of betrayal on the abducted girl's part, which was surely important. Somewhere there was mention of withdrawal; Kira wasn't concerned. If Aizen had wanted words, he should have sent a recorder. She would take him the general footage, not a direct recall. Quite frankly, the girl was sick of her no-action missions. They bored her. Even though she thought with nuance and depth, she was still a Hollow. She had the hole and the mask and the nature to prove it.

The girl stiffened sharply as a sudden flow of reiatsu spewed from the house. A white light floated up from the windows. A gate had been opened and immense power was pouring out. Kira relaxed her posture and let out a low rumble as an undirected force surrounded the house and settled. It was not aimed at her, it was aimed at dragging the hired-help back to Soul Society. The Shinigami were leaving. Kira smiled in a sly manner. This is what Aizen wanted. This was perfect. Leave Karakura Town and focus your attention elsewhere, little Soul Reaper, for tomorrow you may die. There was a raise in the voices of those inside and then, after a few fraught minutes, nothing. They had all moved on except for the Substitute. He was nothing. He would be easily removed to make way for the Kings Key. Maybe he would be part of the Key. Who knew. Everything and anything for hell-fire, right? Kira got the acute feeling that everything was falling into place. Like a puzzle. She was one of those pieces. One of many. The girl felt the presence of everyone except the Substitute leave. What would they have done if they had known she was there?

Irrelevant. None of them knew. Alternatives were not an option. Kira tapped her fingernail dully on the rooftop for a moment. She had all she had been sent to get, but she didn't want to return to the boring halls of Las Noches yet. Her expression lifted and became wicked. She had been privy to the scent of souls all evening; many of which were not living. Kira realised that she had not played with a soul, any soul, for a long time. Except Grimmjow. But he doesn't count. And that wasn't playing. The girl waited an hour for the house below to settle before taking off to a fairly empty corner of town. She stood by a small grove of trees and watched as a small girl swang listlessly in a tyre swing. She was spinning in a lazy circle, her chain of fate tinkling every so often. Kira wasn't actually hungry so the soul didn't interest her in that manner. Yet, something in her had stirred. The night was clear, the air was cool, the life so poignant. It was a good time to abandon thought and give way to the senses. Not that that was possible for an Arrancar; logical thought, once achieved, can never be removed. Even so, it was possible to unearth the Hollow buried deep inside each person.

The Novena Espada stepped out of the shadows and allowed the girl to swing around a moment more before demanding her attention.

"Are you an angel?" The girl stopped abruptly, staring at the white clothes of the new spirit.

Kira smiled ever so slightly. "There's no such thing."

The Novena Espada was satisfied. As the sun came up, she made quick work of ripping her way through the fabric of the Real World. Her own soul was waiting to return to its optimal state and stop playing. Waiting to wash the dirt off it and become what it was as an Espada. Kira was not a Hollow anymore – she was so much more. Even so, she reeked of her original form and entertained it when her mind lulled. Hueco Mundo was waiting.

-

_"Will you defeat them, your demons and all the non-believers,  
The plans that they have made?  
Because one day, I'll leave you; a phantom to lead you in the summer  
to join the Black Parade"_

_(My Chemical Romance, Welcome to the Black Parade)_

-

Grimmjow was laying on a futon in his room when his door opened. This did not please him. His room was his domain. His lair. His territory.

"Is there some kind of password or do I step over the threshold and witness some magical force preventing my entry?" A lax voice said coolly.

"If you take one more step, I'll rip you to shreds."  
Kira stepped into the room. "I've never been in here before. You're always raining on my parade; I think I'll throw a thunderstorm over yours."

The Blue Haired Espada sat up unceremoniously and stared at her. He was both questioning and angry.

"No, my room has books in it. The books make me think and I'm finally on a really good tangent where things like existing make sense without the philosophy." Pause. "This is a book free zone. This is my Switzerland as of now."  
He swore at her to get out. Pause. "What the hell is Switzerland?"  
Kira shrugged.  
"You're in my room."  
"Thanks, you're powers of observation are amazing." The girl leant against the closed door. She may dare to enter the Sexta's room, but she didn't dare explore it. She felt great; something in her mind had fallen over the precipice and left her with peace. She may not be thinking about her existence, but it didn't mean she wouldn't again. It was comforting to know that she wasn't turning human.

"You have balls being in here."  
"Can we go spar or something?"  
Silence. Grimmjow grinned brutally. "You mean I hit you until you bleed?"  
"You stop after I start bleeding."

There was a foul silence. Maybe there was something to that. Some meaning in that. First blood, first foul. The moment Kira got Grimmjow to bleed, she felt elated. Victorious. It was a good feeling; knowing that she had got a hit on someone three ranks above her. Yet, at the same time, she respected the man greatly for letting her even come close to sparring with him. It was such a benefit to her and such a time killer to him.

That was all these things were, but it was not all that they were.

Grimmjow had never been there for Kira, but he had always been there and vice versa. They didn't have any desire to help each other, but in the end, it turned out that they were doing it anyway while maintaining their own selfish desires. It was remarkably convenient, usually a little annoying and on a strange level, comforting. Comforting in that it defied the loneliness that a heartless being inevitably fall's victim to. Stark had Lilinette as proof. Proof that, somewhere deep within the evolutionary mess that was an Arrancar; they did feel a full range of emotions. None had ever expressed romantic love because that was simply not how they functioned; it did not mean they were incapable.

Grimmjow spent the next half hour driving his comrade into a corner and pressuring her into submission. Kira kept clawing back at him, using her speed to get past him and her agility to attempt hits on him. After the thirty minutes ticked over though, she started to get sluggish. Her energy had almost completely emptied. Her fuel tank could hold more, but she was still a sprinter. Grimmjow was still heavier, stronger and fitter. He was still Sexta and she was still Novena.

The Blue Haired Espada, still unnerved from her invasion of his room, lashed out at her in victory. He didn't know why he felt a small burn in his stomach when he thought of how she had entered his domain; it shouldn't mean much to him. Las Noches didn't mean anything to him. Pride, victory and rank meant everything. Yet, when Kira had opened that door she had opened his life and lingered on the edge; inside the circle. It didn't feel invasive or wrong, but it was different. Grimmjow didn't like it. He wanted to slam the door in her face but her foot was always in the way.

The man dodged her strike at him and let the girls speed carry her past his shoulder. He grabbed her collar and hauled her back to him with force. Grimmjow pulled Kira's body against his and used his other hand to grip her throat. End of fight.

"Don't try to come close to me like that ever again." He said very normally into her ear.

Kira drove her elbow back into his stomach.

Grimmjow growled and didn't let her go.  
The girl drove her heel into the man's foot. He hissed and tightened his hold on her throat. Kira instinctively clawed at his hand, scratching the skin. She filled her spare palm with cero and thrust it around and back, driving her opponent sideways. He evaded her move but had to let her go to do so.

Kira raised her hand to her throat. Grimmjow scoffed and buried his hands in his pocket.

The Sexta Espada smiled wickedly. "Brat."

The girl noticed his acknowledgement of her through that title. Brat. It wasn't derogatory, it was simply him refusing to give her her name and handing her his own name in its place. In a weird, twisted way, he had brought the part of her that associated with him into existence through that name.

Kira ran a hand over her face. She felt alive; purely, totally and within justification. She was an Espada and her existence was just that. Thought didn't matter; thinking didn't erase what she was. Questions didn't alter it. It was in her nature to do that – to question. It was in her nature to find answers and feel reason. Kira was a sensory being – she relied on t ouch, smell, taste, sight and sound in order to align her thoughts. Las Noches was very same-same; therefore her thoughts had been so. Grimmjow was a sock to her senses, so much so that his presence made the girl feel real and unlike the eggshell white walls of her bedroom. The books she had provided her eyes with thoughts that edified her mind. Aizen had created, unknowingly, an environment for Kira Sato to grow and develop within, but not purely as Espada. As herself. As a rational being with logic thought and emotion.

"Grimmjow?" Kira leant against one of the chipped walls that held the hall up and slid to the ground. She was nearly spent. She told him about the girl in the park.

Grimmjow's face lifted, amused. "That's frickin' pathetic."

Kira stared at him. "I was bored and you're only vaguely entertaining."

The man had been under the impression that she was one of those serious types. "Did it feel good?"  
The girl smiled some. "Hai."  
"Then why are you complaining?"  
Truth was, Kira felt a little ashamed at her actions. They had been so raw and defined and vicious that she had lost herself within them and only found herself a moment after it all ended. It was like being an animal. Like being possessed. Like a new Hollow.

"Oi, brat. Stop thinking. You're pissing me off."

Kira leant her head back against the wall. "Whatever." It was like fighting an invisible force. You could feel it, but you couldn't hit it and make it stop. Returning to Hueco Mundo had awakened the Novena again. She felt warm and realised that she had been chilled to the bone since she had arrived back. Warmth implied the presence of a heart. It implied the presence of a brain. Of being.

The girl stood up. The moment she did, Las Noches was rocked subtly by an explosive force. Grimmjow turned around and stared at the doorway. Reiatsu was rumbling through Hueco Mundo, threatening it. It didn't make sense, but at the same time, it made perfect sense.

The force had no identity, but it had a presence. It had no title, but it was acknowledged. It had no voice, but it was a threat. To them or to something greater, something smaller, whatever; something was there and it reeked of humanity.

-

There was a meeting the next 'morning' for the Espada. They all gathered outside the room they had been summoned to and stared listlessly at each other. None of them looked even vaguely concerned. Stark looked sleepy and exceptionally laid back. The Third was silent, as per usual; arms crossed, eyes open, mouth hidden. Grimmjow obviously didn't care. He stood with his hands in his pockets and ignored everyone else in a self-righteous way. Noitora was grinning in seedy manner. Szayel was being vain. Kira stood with the flat of one foot pressed up against the ankle of the other and a thumb hooked lazily into the belt-loop of her pants.

Eventually the doors to the room opened and the group ushered themselves to a seat. Chatter lifted among them.

"It seems that there are intruders?"

"Intruders?"

"Underground tunnel 22 collapsed today."

"22! That's so far away."

Szayel found his seat first. "It would have been interesting if they'd all broken into the throne room at once." Everyone else made their own remarks on the situation, each blasé in their own manner.

Kira placed herself at the end of the table. Across from Yammy and beside the only other female in the room.

"Good morning, Espada." Aizen made his own entrance, his Shinigami friends present nearby. "We're under attack." He was totally unconcerned. He even asked if they wanted tea.

The Novena Espada glanced around the table at each personality seated there. No one rose to give respect to their leader, not even Ulquiorra. It was simply expected that they possess it or at least pretend to. Kira didn't know whether or not she respected Aizen beyond that which was caused by fear. She couldn't grasp his full power and for a being as powerful as she was, it was a little unnerving.

There was a short clank as a cup of tea was placed in front of the girl. She stared at the liquid. Hollow survived off Spirit Particles, what use was human food or drink? Sake had social purposes and helped relax the mind, water replenished the dryness of the body and tea seemed to announce some form of friendship. They each had a place within society, but as Hollow, as Espada, they were useless.

Aizen started speaking again, his voice continually strong and authorative. He called for a projection and the table opened itself in the middle to reveal a blue light. Within this light, figures moved and the sands of Hueco Mundo displayed themselves.

"These are the intruders." Aizen pointed out. "Ishida Uryuu." A dark haired human in peculiar white garb. "Sado Yasutora." A large, brawny human. The image shifted to the last intruder. "Kurosaki Ichigo."  
Kira paused a moment as she took in the shape of the orange haired Shinigami. For a second she demanded that he be dead like she had suggested. This feeling converted into resentment and then anger. He had come into her world and invaded. He had stepped over the line. Across the room, Grimmjow reacted sharply. His opponent was with them. Somehow, Aizen managed to look unconcerned. Kira wondered if her leader knew what the boy could do, if he knew what it was like to be in his presence. It was like being near Aizen himself, only it felt closer to home.

"What the hell?" Someone called. Kira wasn't paying attention. "These are just kids."

"They don't look interesting at all."

Beside her, Yammy hissed. Kira acknowledged that four people at the table knew that the Shinigami should be dead. Yammy, Ulquiorra, Grimmmjow and herself. They had all encountered him and all wished him expelled from existence. He was no light matter.

Aizen's next words allowed the girl to relax. "Do not underestimate them. They were called 'Ryoka' when these four humans invaded Soul Society and fought against the 13 Gotei Squads."

His words, though assuring in their acknowledgement of the power of the intruders, surprised Kira. She had not known that they had infiltrated Soul Society. This made her curious. She then paused.

Zommari, the one who beat her for speed, raised the question that had arrived. "Four? It seems that they are missing one. Where's the fourth?"

At this, Aizen smiled. "It's Inoue Orihime."

The Novena Espada pondered this as Noitora leered from his seat. They had come to save their friend, not to attack them. They had come to reclaim that which they had lost. Kira was pulled from her thoughts by an angry noise. Grimmjow rose from his seat and headed for the door.

"Where are you going, Grimmjow?" Tousen questioned.

"I'm going to kill them." Came the gruffly honest reply. "It's better to squash these bugs sooner than later, right?"

"Aizen-sama hasn't issued an order yet. Return to your seat."

The Sexta did not appreciate the order. "I'm going to kill them for Aizen-sama's sake!"

There was a tense pause. "Grimmjow?" It was Aizen.

The Blue Haired Espada turned around grudgingly, giving respect out of duty but not pride. "Hai."

"I appreciate that you would act on my behalf, but I was not done speaking yet. Could you please return to your seat?"

Kira stared at her comrade, knowing he would do no such thing. Not even for Aizen. The Shinigami was out there.

"What's wrong? I can't hear you." Aizen called the Espada by his full name.

There was a sudden release of directed reiatsu. It was so powerful that anyone caught in its aim would feel suffocated and paralysed. Such was the feeling Grimmjow encountered for his disobedience. Kira closed her eyes momentarily as the man dropped to his knees and struggled for air. His entire being was tense, insulted, surprised and then, as he dropped to his hands, embarrassed. Aizen stopped.

A silence ensued. Everyone had felt the fingertips of their leaders power and watched a fragment of it at work against one of their own. No one questioned that.

Aizen stood. "It looks like you understand. Espada, as you see, these are the three enemies. There is no reason to underestimate them and no reason to make a fuss about them. Please go back to your rooms and carry on as usual. Without excessive pride, without excessive haste, we wait for the enemy to come."

Grimmjow glanced back at the last statement. It typified his actions precisely and cancelled his justification. The Sexta Espada was livid.

"Do not be afraid. No matter what may befall is, as long as you walk by my side, there will not be an enemy that can stand against us." Aizen finished.

Kira didn't know why, but when she looked Kurosaki Ichigo, she didn't believe him.

-

_Where are we?  
What the hell is going on?  
The dust has only just begun to form crop circles in the carpet.  
Sinking feeling  
__(Imogen Heap, Hide and Seek)_

-

The Espada left the meeting room in varying states of pleasure and displeasure. Some did not appreciate being disturbed only to be told 'we're being invaded, but don't worry.' Some were happy at the prospect of a fight. Some were completely unconcerned and just wanted to continue with their lives.

Kira liked the distraction. She could see her life stretching out before her as if she had already lived it. A collection of missions, training and repression. There was no more room to grow. There was no higher peak than the one she was on. It felt amazing, it was fantastic, she was an Espada. Yet, at the same time, she would live a very, very long time. Standing on a mountain is all good and well, but someone has to bring you down sometime. The view isn't going to change and all you have to rely on for interest is the weather.

Grimmjow was a raging tornado at present and Kira decided that that particular phenomenon was one she could skip. The girl spent an hour idling with Starrk, trying to come to terms with the fact that Kurosaki Ichigo – the little punk, had entered her life and refused to leave. It would be worse for the Sexta Espada because he had tied his pride to the Shinigami. A pride that had been bruised by Aizen and embarrassed by cause.

"Kira." Starrk was lounging back on a pile of cushions, watching her. "What are you reading?"

The girl was on vague terms with the Primera Espada. He, more than anyone else, understood a desire for company and belonging and knew what it felt like to be unable to change ones circumstance.

"The Picture of Dorian Gray." Came the steady reply. "By..." she paused to read the cover "Oscar Wilde."

"Who?"  
Kira shrugged. She liked Starrk. She may have a connection of understanding with Grimmjow – a sort of inescapable bond, but with the Primera, she had common ground. He had fought against what he was and then accepted it. The girl was in the final stages of that. Then again, when you first meet Starrk, he's not much of a threat. It's only when he takes his gloves of that you realise just who you are talking to.

"Humans have totally bizarre perceptions of the soul." Kira stated, still reading. She had obtained the book through the open window of a school. "They think it reflects on your physical appearance. Or, this guy does." The book played with Physiognomy or the idea that a person's image, particularly that of their face, revealed character. The girl swung her leg listlessly as she half-sat in an open window.

"We'd be hideous."

"We are."

Starrk smiled vaguely. "I appreciate that you have come to me for company and not made me put any effort into conversation, but why aren't you bugging Grimmjow like you usually do?"

"Because Lilinette has gone AWOL and Grimmjow is brooding." She turned the page. "And I am very sick of my own company."

Kira appreciated how the Primera did not act high and mighty about his position. He was very comfortable to be around. Like the seedy old uncle that you learn to love when you turn twenty-one.

She decided that he was going to respect her for being an Espada, no matter what rank. "You spent most of your existence so far trying to be part of a pack, right? Find some company thing?"

Starrk stared at the ceiling. "Yes."

"Why?"  
"It was lonely." He said without emotion. It was like he couldn't be bothered to give his voice tone.

"And then you sprouted Lilinette and have been given hell ever since." The girl said with a sly smile.

Starrk was ever so slightly amused at this.

"Did you find thinking about it made it worse?"  
"You can't stop thinking about it."

"No." Kira pulled her ponytail over her shoulder and sighed. "I can't stop being this either."  
"So, accept this and think about it too. But don't feel. That makes it worse. Sometimes not feeling is the only way to survive."

The girl glanced up from her book. She wondered if thinking without emotion was possible. Then again, she had been thinking and unfeeling when she arrived back from the Real World and feeling and unthinking when she was in there. It had been the peace she had received for her thoughts.

The man hooked an arm behind his head. "I have a request for you."  
"Mm."  
"While you're here, wipe that thoughtful expression off your face. It's cute, but I really don't want to discuss philosophy on any conscious or unconscious level."

Kira closed her book. "Hai."

According to her logic, the only point of her existence was to die. According to her senses, she didn't want to. The only way around this was to find a reason to her instinct and survive off it. This was slowly happening, many thanks to Kurosaki Ichigo. The Shinigami had come blazing into the girls life, not touching her but making her wonder at its power and question her ability. That man had thrown her life off course and unravelled everything she knew as right. He had made her fear him without even being awake that first night. He had shown her, without knowing her, that his power was immense and that he would be a force in her life until one of them died. He was going to be there, making her think about how a boy could obtain such power, how he could smell of Hollow and be human, how he could sacrifice everything for people he didn't know, didn't love, didn't respect. Kira had spent year after year after year feeding off her desire for power, her need to evolve and the fight to survive. Somehow the punk of a human had awakened a hunger for more than that. She needed to justify her own existence and question what she was. How it happened, she didn't know. Kira hated the man for it. She hated Kurosaki Ichigo for throwing her world upside down. When she met him, and she would, she would thank him. Thank him for making her realise that she was more human than animal. Thank him for making her realise that she was more Shinigami than human. Thank him for making her realise that she was an Espada and that her cause was defined by Humans and Shinigami. As an individual, she would continue to exist, continue to live. As a being with logical thought, she would always question the reason for life, the universe and everything and she would always fall on the same conclusion – she did not know.

However, there was one thing she would not thank the Shinigami for, and that was doubt. Kira knew that an Espada could feel a full range of emotion, but it was not in their nature to do so. Having been awakened, she had only desired company, not friendship, camaraderie and respect, not love and care. Now, Kira was aware of the evolution of emotion. Of camaraderie into respect into friendship. It perplexed her because it did not feel natural. Death had always had a meaning, but now it had many.

How the Substitute had done this to her, she didn't know. But Kira hated him, thanked him, respected him.

-

Ulquiorra was the one who said that, if the Shinigami became a problem, he would be the one to take care of it. This angered Grimmjow; Kurosaki was his. It was like having two animals fight over a carcass before they've even run the poor victim down. Neither actually argued about it or took verbal claim on the Shinigami, but the tension was there.

Kira was walking to her room after her 'morning' with Starrk. It had been pleasant. He was a very curious, slightly seedy, very relaxed man and his company was unique. Though, the girl did decide that hanging around him constantly would be detrimental. She already felt slack.

Grimmjow was pacing up the hallway at the same time, his expression set. He grabbed the girls arm on passing. "Come, brat."  
Kira lost her balance for a moment and tried to match her step to his. "I don't want to be your punching bag."

"You're not going to be."

Pause. "Wait, what?"  
"I have to get to the Shinigami before Ulquiorra."

"Okay. How?" Kira had left her book with Starrk who promised not to waste his time reading it.

The Sexta Espada continued to drag the girl down the corridors of Las Noches. "I have to reach the Shinigami first."  
"Time out." Kira pulled out of his grip and made a 'T' shape with her hands. "Aizen had a go at you for this kind of behaviour."  
"Aizen doesn't actually care." Came the gruff reply.

Pause. "Well, he said not to go after them."  
"Do you spend your days following his orders? Don't be pathetic, this isn't about Aizen."  
"No, this is about you and your pride. Ulquiorra said he'd handle it if the Shinigami became a problem."  
"He's my opponent!" The Sexta Espada turned sharply on the girl. "I have a favour to return to him."  
"Why am I part of this?"  
"Because, you found the punk."  
"Oh."  
"Oh yes." Grimmjow's mouth lifted as he grabbed the girl by the arm again and pulled her towards some greater aim. "You want purpose, find it in this."He knew that she didn't like the Shinigami and wanted him dead. He also knew that she wanted him to do it.

"Grimmjow, think for a moment. Tunnel 22 was the one they collapsed. That's ages away. They're also coming here, we know that. They're coming to save that girl. Don't rush off and face all three of them, that would be suicide."  
Grimmjow paused.

"I'm with you on this. Lord knows why." Kira was starting to feel the blood pumping around her arm slow. "I'll help you. I'll take down his friends. But right now, you're pissing me off. Let go."

Grimmjow practically threw her arm back at her and growled. "So I'm just supposed to wait?"  
"I never told you to wait." He wouldn't follow her orders. "But wait for them to come into your environment."  
There was a long silence. "Why do you constantly annoy me with your ideas?"  
"Was this one a good one?"  
The Sexta Espada would never give her claim to his actions. "No." He stared down at her. "But you must not get in my way when that Kurosaki-punk comes here. I won't let Ulquiorra kill him. That's my job."

"Fine. But this time around, I'm not going to play with the left-over's." She said that as if she anticipated battle.

Truth be told, everyone did. The enemy was coming to them and they would stand and fight when they arrived. Aizen had made the order because it made sense, not because he wanted to hold them in his castle. If reinforcements arrived, they would be needed nearby, not all over Hueco Mundo. Grimmjow was rumbling in annoyance. He was about to explode from his own skin in anticipation. Kira knew that he would cool off and calm down. He would get rational; the events of that day in the throne room had thrown all moral reasoning out the window and abandoned him to direct emotion. It told him to rush out and kill the Shinigami. Fortunate, Kira had an overflow of rationalism and decided to give some to him. Kira was not a vicious person. She had a blood lust and was efficient at killing, but the constant sadistic nature that was held by other Espada was faint in her own life. She chose to stand rather for what she had obtained from her evolution – the ability to chose and the ability to continue learning for reasons beyond a power hunt. Even so, she was a Hollow and she had needs within that. They would come forth with bubbling, broiling, scolding force whenever she let them lose. It was her power and it was her choice.

Yet one thing perplexed her about the situation with Grimmjow; he had found her and taken her with him. Maybe he realised that she had been there every time he had fought with Kurosaki. Maybe he realised that there would be more than the Shinigami as an enemy. Maybe he just wanted the company. Probably not. Either way, he had dragged her along. It felt like it was her duty to be near him. She was not as powerful or as skilled as he was; it was somewhat like the relationship a Captain had with their Vice Captain. The Captain did not really need the subordinate, but they were there. Not for necessarily for them, but for some other cause that both parties held.

However, this pair were not subordinates or leaders of each other; they had common ground. They were not equal, but because of their respect, it almost felt like it. Kira had no duty to Grimmjow, but if he needed her, then so be it. This feeling was not returned, but the Sexta Espada, on some unknown level, appreciated the girl for that. He didn't need her, she didn't need him, yet, together, they had made a harsh life bearable.

Call it what you like; but that was what it was. The be all and end all of to solitary figures walking parallel to each other with a common interest –survival and the preservation of pride. It was not the end or beginning of any story, it was simply two Espada at the peak of their existence staring at the continual existence that they both had to face. That was all there was. Make it complicated, make it simple. Whatever.

-

_The paths have been crossed  
The crumbs are gone and the way, and the way is lost  
Melancholy phantoms eye our skins  
Poison apples falling with the wind  
Hear the sigh of the trees  
Those who enter here never leave_

_(A Fine Frenzy, Rangers)_

-

-------------------

_If you're reading, please be reviewing. Constructive criticism appreciated. _

_Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed the chapter. I do plan to portray a more Espada-esque side of Kira, but the opportunity hasn't really arisen yet. It'll happen very soon, especially since Rukia and Renji join Ichigo and co. _

_Blessings, _

_Peterpauper. _

_P.S Expect delays with the next chapter. I am unable to write or post for this Monday/Tuesday and for all of next week. Sorry for the inconvenience. _


	8. Chapter 8

**-**

**Chapter 8**

**-**

Even white-walled rooms can be dark places. They became grey in night-light. It was always night time in Hueco Mundo. The walls were always grey unless touched by artificiality. Kira Sato stood in a room lit up by a dull turquoise light. It spewed from a monitor across the far wall. A window was embedded into the control panel, allowing the viewer an image of whatever they sought. The girl stared at picture of the sands of Hueco Mundo as they stretched beyond the walls of Las Noches. She extended her hand and used a long finger to slide a light up a touchpad, filling a long thin bar with colour. The image zoomed in.

Kira stared at the picture. There were one, two, three; those already specified, and then four and five dressed in Shinigami Robes and dessert mantles. Six, seven and eight were Hollow of some sort and hardly a bother according to their physical ability. One even looked like a child. They were all seated upon some disgusting looking beast as it churned a path to the walls of the Castle.

The girl watched with an apathetic expression, her mind racing. They were still a very long way away from any Espada. The fallen would hit them first and, if they made it past them, reality would hit them second and send them reeling back to where they came from. Kira blinked and sighed before switching the monitor off and watching the screen die. All her worries seemed so pathetic in the grand scheme of things; six enemies against the whole of Las Noches. Even the Substitute ceased to be a problem against that sort of force.

The one thing though that perplexed the Novena Espada was their reasoning. They were facing Las Noches and all its occupants in order to save one human soul. One soul. One they thought had betrayed them. Kira drummed her forefinger against the metal panelling of the control panel.

"I never took you for an intellectual." A smooth voice wrapped itself around the room.

Kira didn't turn around. "Szayel."  
"Why are you here, Kira? Worried about the children?"  
"No. I was just watching them."  
"Like an angel of death."  
Silence.

"I have a proposition to make you."  
"No."  
Szayel smiled casually and pushed his glasses up. "Entertain me."  
"Entertain yourself."

The man laughed lowly. "I have never found the need to, I find my own company remarkably satisfying."  
"I find your company remarkably annoying." Kira turned around. "This is public domain, why aren't you in your lab prodding things with a metal stick?"

The pink-haired man's smile turned genial. "Kira, you will soon learn that research extends beyond the laboratory."

"It depends what you're researching." She did not trust this man at all.

Szayel stepped into the room and approached the girl nonchalantly. "You intrigue me, Kira." His tone was offhand. "You get lonely. Not even your power can satisfy the need for company."  
The girl didn't change her posture. She with an air of untailored grace. "Even animals seek comfort in something."  
"Is that something Espada seek? We are neither animal nor human nor Shinigami. We are perfect, optimal and ultimately powerful."

"Sorry to cut your grass, Szayel, but not everyone wants to be like you."

"Everyone wants to be satisfied and everyone wants to achieve perfection." He stopped, his tracks ending a breaths before the girl. He was taller than she was, but not by much.

Kira met his eye and disappeared. She reappeared in the doorway and glanced over her shoulder. "Not everyone thinks your methods are satisfactory." Pause. "I'll keep my friends and enemies alive for my research. The dead cost nothing to me."

In short, she had told him that life was invaluable – even to a scientist. Whichever way you look at it, life has many faucets; faucets that apply to every living thing. Depending on the way you looked at it altered the way you lived it. The Espada had a set view, it was high and broad and distant. But it was on an angle. One that afforded a very good seat of survival, desire, hunger and raw emotions. Happy, sad, angry. It handed out pride, honour and duty but only in individualistic measures – even so it allowed leadership and acknowledgement and respect of a higher force. It was not evil, it was simply dark and the result of years and years and endless years of trying to survive as an animal.

Grimmjow was leaning in the hallway outside Kira's room when she returned.

"They're an hour from the wall and headed for the Fallen. There are two more. One is the Shinigami I fought in the Real World." Kira stated flatly as she opened the door to her room and stepped inside.

Grimmjow was pleased with the news. The more the merrier in his opinion. People would die that day. The lower the chance of survival, the more one would fight tooth and nail for it. The Sexta Espada smiled and stood. He had the guarantee of life – he had promised. Promises were tied to pride and he had that in abundance. He had the assurance that his little comfort would survive the attack – she had pride too. Not like him, but she had it and that's what counted. He didn't need her. He was a solitary creature, so was she, yet when constantly surrounded by night and death, solitary confinement almost felt like a jail. They were friends in the same fight-club. Neither spoke of it, neither mentioned it, both knew of it. The first rule of Fight Club is 'you don't talk about Fight Club'. So they didn't. They just had the assurance that it existed and that they were part of it.

"You don't seem pleased, brat." The man sauntered into the room.

"Szayel is a creeper."  
"Baka."

Kira collapsed on her sofa and crossed her ankles over a pillow. "Why?"  
Grimmjow smiled cordially. "You're pissed over something so obvious."

The girl laughed mono-syllabically. "You're a guy. Seedy men don't creep you out. Seedy men don't usually creep me out because they can have their 'seed' removed by a swift kick between the legs." Kira put a hand behind her head. "But Szayel. Gosh he's...bah."

Grimmjow leant against the wall. He was bored but totally unprepared to do anything to remedy it. "Maybe he wants a pet."

"Like little Orihime?" Came the bitter reply. "Number four is more alive than one of the deceased now."  
The Sexta Espada laughed this time. "If Ulquiorra heard that, brat, you would be dead."  
"Maybe we are dead." Pause. Kira smiled. "No one can kill us."

The casual tone of their conversation was pleasant but slightly unusual. Grimmjow and Kira had often shared a meaningless banter, but it was usually rougher, darker and less friendly. It felt peculiar. Weird. Unnervingly comfortable.

At this, the girl sat up properly and put her hands beside her knees. "Grimmjow?"  
"Hm?"  
"Why are you here?"  
"Huh?"

"In my room...are you here just to piss me off?" Both of them just wanted to be alone; being alone together was far less solitary. Even so, sometimes solitude is a good remedy.  
There was a smug silence.

Kira eyed him. This was all a game to the man. This made her want to be play along. Victory would mean a little silence, defeat would mean intrusion. Again. She needed a plan. "How come I can't come into your room and piss you off?"  
"You piss me off generally."  
"Huh."

Silence.

"You're not leaving, are you?"  
"Nope." His tone was not playful, it was coarse and characteristically blasé.

"If I start thinking aloud, will you leave?"  
Grimmjow stared at the girl. "Don't you dare, brat. I will hurt you."

"I don't doubt it."

Another silence lapsed. It was not uncomfortable, just weird. It was a little too personal to be shared between Espada. Even so, neither of them was thinking of it like that.

"What does Szayel want?" Kira enquired, her expression suddenly changing to perplexed.

"What do you think he wants?" Grimmjow buried his hands in his pockets and grinned wickedly.

"...you're a guy. That's the first thing you think about."  
"Szayel is a guy."

"Oh."  
The smile continued.

"Oh. Ew. That's awful." Espada or not, anyone, male and female, are driven and disgusted by various trains of thought.

"What do you think he wanted to experiment with?"  
Kira stood up. "An Espada because no one is willing? I wondered why he chose me to pick on so constantly. Surely number Three is more...gifted...than I am?"

"Yeah. You're not attractive at all."  
Kira glared at him. "It was a rhetorical question."  
He knew. He was winning.

"Anyway, even if I wanted to, I wouldn't know how."

Pause. "Brat?"  
"I don't want a relationship. Imagine trying to love something as an Espada..." Her tone had lifted a little, but not noticeably so to the Sexta.  
"You're getting all thought-motivated again." Love had nothing to do with it in this case.

"And it seems so overrated." Kira paused. "What's so special about kissing?"  
"We weren't talking about kissing."

"Yeah, but I'm not doing the other thing."  
Grimmjow seemed very pleased with himself for making his comrade so uncomfortable - apparently. She looked a little awkward and ill-at-ease with the thought of intimacy and anything beyond the black and white closeness they shared. It seemed that he had found her weak point – embarrassment. The topic didn't matter, her discomfort did. Psychology was a method of battle.

Kira eyed the man. Espada could love, she guessed. Probably. They had a set of emotions, like a colour pallet. However, not everyone used the full range of hues to achieve a full portrait. They mixed colours, used straight colours and ignored others. The inhabitants of Hueco Mundo ceased to acknowledge vibrant red unless it was carnal lust or blood. It didn't mean they couldn't look at it as something special, precious or delicate- but rather that they chose not to because it didn't fit what their nature had evolved to become. It was both a pity and a blessing at the same time. They had one less thing tying them to earth and one more thing to survive to experience. It was a vicious impasse and one that was rarely thought about.

"Maybe I should try it." The girl said in an offhand manner. She was suddenly stripped of any indication of embarrassment.

Grimmjow glanced at her. He had been staring out the window. The Sexta Espada had half a second to understand what she had said. Kira had gripped his collar in her fist and pulled him sharply into her. The first emotion he felt was surprise and then annoyance as the Novena Espada 'experimented' with him. She had no brain. She would shortly have no brain – he would rip her head off.

Kira pulled her mouth off his and paused a moment in thought. "No, I was right. That is overrated."

Grimmjow called her a female dog and pulled his hands from his pockets. She'd just won the weird game they had been playing.  
Kira used Sonído to avoid his swipe at her. "Okay, sorry." Pause. "It was still over rated." Her tone was very matter of fact.

Whatever had developed as a result of their conversation about the Shinigami had lead. Maybe it was overconfidence. Maybe it was insecurity. Either way, pride was involved and when playing a game, no matter which one, it made things messy. Some experimental results are best left unknown. The girl had a mischievous side that came out once in a blue moon. Grimmjow was unfortunate enough to take part in her antics during this time. She was usually calm and reserved and quick. When she was in her bored, post-annoyed, pre-entertained mood, she was calm, coy and quick. However, this mood always had a purpose.

This purpose was achieved the moment Grimmjow slammed her door shut and left her room. Kira smiled to herself and re-collapsed onto the sofa. She was not physically attracted to the Sexta Espada at all and she knew that he was not attracter to her either. Physicality beyond fighting had never even crossed her mind with him. Or anyone for that matter. Romance was out of the question because that would be like dating a brother or a fellow soldier. Or both. The idea was simply out of the question. Grimmjow and Kira were what they were; fellow Espada, training partners, comrades, war buddies, gunmen. They were not partners, lovers, coupled or whatever. Ever. Never ever. That would be an incredibly detrimental relationship. Manipulating the thought and its links served a purpose though. Kira would never kiss Grimmjow again – he would probably kill her. His personal bubble and her personal bubble only got so close. The girl knew she had crossed some unseen boundary had no real point or meaning, but was there anyway. She knew Grimmjow would get her back for it later. At the end of the day though, Kira had now 'been there, done that' and had decided that 'that' was not her cup of tea. She also decided that the Sexta Espada would probably rip anything he was passionate about to shreds; the probably reason as to why he had no immediate fan girls in Las Noches. As for herself...nah. It was enough to not be lonely – love could create a whole world of solitary confinement and Hueco Mundo had enough of that to make everyone wish they were single. It was enough to respect and be respected in turn. They were just toy soldiers marching on towards an inevitable end and surviving in any way they could – emotionally and physically. It took everything to not fall and to keep upright, keep growing, keep evolving. Optimality was not optimal; the moment one admitted perfection was the moment one was defeated. It was a difficult, lonely road and one best walked parallel to a friend.

-

_Step by step, heart to heart, left right left  
We all fall down like toy soldiers  
Bit by bit, torn apart, we never win  
But the battle wages on for toy soldiers_

_(Eminem, Toy Soldiers)_

-

Ten minutes after 'said event', Kira lay on her bed and frowned at herself. She lifted her fingers to her mouth and shuddered in repulsion before laughing mono-syllabically to herself. At least she was alone now. And if anyone asked, she and Grimmjow had tried a new level to their relationship and decided it most unfavourable. Disgusting. Really awkward. Impossible.

Kira rolled onto her side and trailed her fingers over the covers. Despite Grimmjow being mad at her, she had the issue of Szayel to deal with. And then Shinigami. The latter had been pushed to the back of her mind – in the grand scheme of things, they were fleeting lives. The Espada would live much longer than they would, the Espada would ensure that. Szayel had issues. He had pink hair and he had issues. As far as experiments went, the only ones the Novena Espada had conducted had resulted in fairly neutral results. Grimmjow would get over it the moment he launched a cero at her or did something equally violent. He was the sort of guy who held a grudge against his enemies and his friends but simply brooded over the ones he held with allies. Or ally. He was fairly pathetic at making friends. Keeping friends. Being anything arrogant and proud. Yet, despite all this, Kira couldn't help but respect the man. He knew what he wanted and he would try until he got it. He was confident and talented and his heart was his pride. That was his reason to live.

Kira didn't know her reason to live yet. She didn't know anything beyond primal survival. Maybe that's why Szayel took interest in her. Maybe he wanted to know what a raw Espada felt. She was stripped bare to her thoughts, her instincts and her rationalisation. There was no pride, no heart; just respect and integrity. Enough to survive for and just enough to live on. The Novena wasn't exactly what one would call 'jail bait'. If Szayel wanted to play, he would have gone to Loly and Menoly.

The Novena Espada felt a tightening in her shoulder and ran her fingers over to the invasive feeling. Her skin was broken in a line behind her. In a healed line. Right through her tattoo. The girl paused a moment. Her number was ruined because of the strange woman who attacked her. It annoyed Kira. A lot. It bugged her that her certificate for optimality had been tarnished. She was an Espada – that defined her. Her tattoo was representative of this; it showed her ability and her journey in a single number. No one could take that from her, yet the blonde attacker had managed to mess up the entire situation by nearly removing something she had no right to touch. The tattoo was personal, an identification and a self-motivation.

Kira sat up and pulled her hair over her shoulder. She twisted it around her finger in thought. The memory of Grimmjow having his number restored returned to her. The Human. The Human could help her.

No.

No, she didn't want any help from any human – let alone the pathetic woman. It was then that the girl let her eyes fall upon her limited book collection.

Orihime was sitting in the dark on the floor of her room when she heard a scratching noise. This lasted a few seconds before submitting to a 'click'. The doorknob turned and allowed the heavy object to move a few inches. A pair of long fingers wrapped themselves around the doorframe, quietly and swiftly slipping into the room. Kira had waited until Ulquiorra was far away before breaking into the human's prison. The woman would not escape, even if she had the will to do so.

Kira stepped inside the room and shut the door with her foot, her eyes on the little red-head. Without a word, she took her jacket off and turned her shoulder to the woman.

"Fix it." She said in an authorative tone.

The human hesitated.

The Novena Espada turned her head to look over her shoulder. "I said fix it."

"I..." There was a very short silence and then submission.

"You're not in a position to refuse, human." Kira was not threatening, rather she was being an Espada. And that in itself was threatening.

"Hai..." The little voice of Orihime annoyed the other woman some. It was light and musical and airy.

Kira saw an orange glow and felt the tightness in her shoulder come under siege from a pleasant force. "Your friends..." she said carefully, filling the silence "they're extraordinarily brave. Amazingly stupid, but extraordinarily brave."  
Orihime sounded sentimental. "Kurosaki-kun is a strong person."

The Shinigami would die in Las Noches. Kira stared at the door, her expression sharp. Alert for any unwanted visitors. "There are many strong people. Many strong people die trying to help the weak."

This seemed to upset the human greatly and she disappeared into a petty quiet. The orange glow disappeared. The Novena Espada ran her fingers over her tattoo and felt no mark. It had worked. The little human worked. Kira reached for her jacket and pulled it on as she turned to Orihime.

She met the woman's eye and slid her hand into her jacket pocket. Kira pulled out a small paperback with the words _The Picture of Dorian Gray_ printed on the front. She dropped the book on the small table that had been set up and turned for the door. "I owe you nothing."

The human clutched her hands together. "Thank you..." She didn't know the woman's name.  
"Novena Espada, Kira Sato."  
"Thank you, Kira-san." Orihime stepped towards the woman as she put her hand on the door. "Please...stay..." she was embarrassed and timid. "It's quite lonely here."  
Kira glanced over her shoulder at the weak figure. The woman had addressed her by her first name, respectfully. It was an odd feeling. It felt like she now had to give the human something else, something more.

"You get used to it." She opened the door with a solid click.

"Isn't it better to be alone together?"

Kira decided not to reply to that as she let herself out. She made sure to lock it once she had returned to the hallway. She had given the human a novel on physiognomy; the belief that one's appearance, particularly that of the face, reveals character. It was the definition of society's fears and the truth about humanity. It was not afraid to be ugly, and for that, it was exquisite. The Novena Espada had come into contact with the book many, many years ago and had read it numerous times.

However, she had not expected the little human to unnerve her as she had. She had not expected to be familiar with the human's emotions of loss, loneliness and expectation. However, they dealt with them differently. The Espada was very much older than the girl and had seen many, many more things. Kira had blood on her hands, through her hair, on her lips, in her flesh. Orihime was white, pure, naive. They may understand each other's perspectives, but there was no way they would understand each other. That sort of understanding came from experience and the only person Kira was willing to share that with was the man who was probably slouched somewhere, brooding casually. Sharing with one's self was an option, but opening a heart by singular force was a difficult task. Apparently none of the Arrancar had a heart. But maybe it was more than a physical entity. They had to posses the organ physically to function – they bled, they got hot and cold, they breathed. All of that proved that they actually had one. They could think logically and feel emotion, make choices, posses a nature or character. The hole in their bodies opposed this. It and the number on her back confirmed what they were but it was up to them to find a definition. This is why life is so confusing. Free will and open thought. At the end of the day though, Kira was an Arrancar – she was a soul. That was all. That was everything. And like everything, she would pass away despite her promises.

-

_I want to take the bullet, the one aimed straight for your heart.  
I want to meet the wolves halfway and let them tear me apart.  
But that's not the way they do it here._

_(Thrice, In years to come)_

-

All over Las Noches, the Arrancar paused. A light had gone out. The Shinigami and their reiatsu had been fading in an out of existence constantly, but one had been officially snuffed out.

Kira identified the scent as the woman she had fought in the real world. The little dark-haired Shinigami. Kuchiki. The Espada stilled for a moment as her chosen opponent passed from knowledge.

Grimmjow had, at this point, already released his boredom and frustrations on the Novena in a short, sweet fist fight. Kira was bleeding from the lip and holding a white tissue to her face as she glared at the Blue Haired Espada. He was sitting on her couch while she sat on her bed.

"There goes your play-date." The man said in a nonchalant manner.

Kira took the tissue off her mouth. "Apparently." She unfolded her legs and stood. "But her opponent is gone too." The Novena Espada headed for the door.  
"Don't go too far."  
"Hm?"  
"You wanted to watch me kill the Shinigami." His ego sat comfortably around the room. "He's getting close."

"So is Ulquiorra."

Grimmjow frowned in a non-committed manner. "I will be the one to kill him, brat."

"I don't doubt it." Came the indifferent reply. She could have been sarcastic.

The Sexta Espada growled lowly in displeasure as the door shut, leaving him alone in her room. He knew it bothered her to have him invade her personal space. He knew it bothered her to be completely alone. It didn't bother him. It didn't bother him that her life was parallel to his either. It had happened unconsciously – neither would have made the conscious decision to follow each other. They would live and die in their tracks, somewhere ahead or behind those of their comrade. Comrades walked beside each other and with the aim of survival. They marched and marched and marched because they had to. Because they found purpose in it. The steps were defined by pride, dignity, honour...whatever you chose. If your steps matched up with someone else's, then so be it. You were all in it together anyway, even if you wished you were apart. The company was not always welcome, but neither was the dead silence.

Kira Sato moved swiftly to where the Shinigami's reiatsu had faded. She hit the sunlight and was still blinded by it when she reached the darkness of the battle ground. It was bitterly cold and smelt acidic. The heads of the former Novena Espada lay cracked on the ground. His name was not worth mentioning now that he was gone.

However, the body of the raven-haired girl still clung to live. Ice spread from her in an inconstant manner. It was like blood, proving her life. Her fingers were loosely clutched around her sword and her body was twisted like a lifeless bird.

Kira Sato walked around the still body and bobbed down to her haunches, a curious expression on her face. She balanced in front of the Shinigami's face and saw that the girls eyes were still open a fraction. She didn't know if she could see her or if anything of that sort was occurring within the mind of the Shinigami. It didn't matter. All that mattered was that her opponent was still alive. She may not live to fight another day, but at least her last thought would be that of a true Espada. Kira didn't know why she had gone to the woman; unlike visiting Orihime, the Shinigami had no purpose. Yet, deep down, the Espada felt like she was watching herself. Powerless to do anything except use her power to prove that she was alive.

"Kuchiki." She said to the quiet Shinigami. "I am the real Novena Espada. Remember that before you die."

With that, Kira stood silently and looked across the room. The dark form of Zommari had materialised nearby the moment the girl had risen. The fastest Espada stared the girl down. A moment was exchanged between them and the Novena Espada decided that leaving was the best option. She was not faster than Zommari, nor was her release as useful as his in taking an opponent down. She would lose to him.

Kira used her Sonído to vanish. It had not been long since she had left Grimmjow, but something had shifted. Something was changing. Something was happening with the Sexta Espada. It would be like him to stand from his lounging position, a determined expression on his face, and march down the halls to his destination. When the Novena Espada arrived back, she discovered that this was the case. Grimmjow was gone. His reiatsu flared further within Las Noches. Right on the doorstep of the human's room.

Kira shut her door and moved to the violent sensation. The man was having fun, but his pride and anger oozed everywhere. And then it hit her. The Novena Espada noticed that the threatening aura of the Substitute Shinigami was gone. While she had been thinking of his dark-little friend, he had faded out too.

This made the girl a little desperate and she realised, for the first time that she had to see Grimmjow kill Kurosaki. It was what gave her purpose in that moment. It was indescribable like so much else in the world and fraught like so much in her life. It all came down to this. For her, for Grimmjow, for the future of the Espada. It all came down to the destruction of the man who could potentially destroy them all. This is why she hated him – he could destroy her world and what she was familiar with. Kira Sato realised then what she feared most; loss.

_-_

_Who's gonna call on Sunday morning? Who's gonna drive you home?  
I just want one more chance to put my arms in fragile hands  
I thought you said forever over and over  
A sleepless night becomes bitter oblivion_

_(Anberlin, Paperthin Hymn)_

-

-------------------

Posting will be delayed as I have discovered that trying to write and edit at the moment is nearly impossible. I definitely will not be writing or posting anything from the 23rd - 30th as I will be away. Life exceptionally busy right now and I hope you understand the delay. I have not lost interest in this story at all, rather I have physically been unable to sit down and write it. I apologise for the inconvenience.

Thank you to everyone who has been reading and reviewing - the support means a lot to me and I honestly appreciate it.

If you are reading, please be reviewing. Let me know what you think. Constructive criticism welcome.

I hope you are all well,

Blessings,

Peterpauper.


	9. Chapter 9

-

**Chapter 9**

_Long you live and high you fly  
And smiles you'll give and tears you'll cry  
And all you touch and all you see  
Is all your life will ever be_

_(Pink Floyd, Breathe)_

**-**

Kira Sato moved quickly through Las Noches. Grimmjow's reiatsu had flared violently near the human's cell before lulling into a soothed form of macabre pleasure. The girl reached a very large hole in the wall before she reached the door. She paused, stared at it in confusion for a moment, dismissed the obscure gap so close to the official one and moved into the room.

The first thing she saw was the form of the Sexta Espada. The human was flinching away from him as he tied her wrists to a long piece of chain. The second thing Kira saw were the lifeless and twisted bodies of two Arrancar.

"You killed the sluts." The Novena Espada said blankly.

Grimmjow glanced over his shoulder. His expression was non-committal to her and devoted to his pride. "Where is the Shinigami?"  
"Which one?"

"You know which one."

"You're hurting her." Kira noted, nodding at the little woman. "Don't damage her pretty skin." Her tone was slightly lilting.

Orihime was watching the pair converse. She looked like a rabbit caught in the headlights of a 4x4.

The Novena Espada stepped swiftly over to the sofa that had kept the human company for the past few days and picked up a white pillow. She ripped the fabric off the front of it with her fingernails and handed the square to Grimmjow. The Sexta Espada stared at it blankly. Kira nearly rolled her eyes and took the chain from where it dropped between the Espada and the human.

She looked the girl in the eye as she pulled her bindings off, wrapped the fabric over her hands and re-did the chain. Kira turned to Grimmjow and walked to the door. The real door, not the hole in the wall. She had more sophistication than the determined animal that had blasted the break.

"His reiatsu faded out a short time ago. He's either dead or getting there fast." She said to the Sexta Espada.

"Baka." He growled in reply. "I didn't tell you to give me a report on his health; I asked you where he was."

"I hope the human can bring back the dead." Kira stated flatly. She eyed the red-head up and down. "If she can't...." The statement was left hanging.

Grimmjow felt his insides bubble like hot water. Kurosaki Ichigo was his opponent. The Sexta Espada was the one who would deal his final blow – no one could take that from him. That was why he was stealing the human girl. That was why he had killed the Arrancar. Not even death would stand in the way of the fight between Espada and Shinigami. Not even death had a grip on their need to decide who would live and who would die.

Kira met Grimmjow's eye and nodded once, acknowledging some unspoken agreement. She vanished, leaving Orihime in the hands of the arrogant fortitude of the Sexta Espada. A minute later, the Novena had broken into the sunlight of the main dome of Las Noches. She blinked at the sudden abuse to her eyes before pausing to stare at the endless sand. It was harsh in the day. The desert. It was uglier. One of the red towers that reared its head above the dead-flats had a hole in its top. It was shattered like a broken fingernail. From it seeped the fading aura of the fourth Espada. He had moved on, but he had left a mark of some sort.

Kira used Sonído to make her way to the hole. The Espada had stopped using doors like humans and had started making their own entrances like militants. Inside the gap was a room littered with rubble. Ulquiorra's smell lingered gently at the entrance.

Just inside lay the still form of a Shinigami. He had orange hair and held a sword. He was laying face down, his clothes and body torn. His soul seemingly gone. Kira approached the body as she had approached the female Shinigami earlier that day. She knelt by the man's side and peered at his brokenness.

He was dead.

"Leave Ichigo alone!" A small but rough voice yelled.

Kira lifted her gaze from the Substitute and let it fall on the green head of a little girl. A child. An Arrancar. This surprised the Novena Espada. A child. She didn't know that such beings existed within her world. They were born as they were, not as babes from a womb or results of some union. They were Hollow that had evolved to a point past humanity and into soul-slayer grounds.

"Back off!" The girl roared in a high-pitched tone.

Kira blinked and remained silent.

"Who are you!?" The Arrancar waved desperately.

The Novena Espada noticed that the remains of the child's mask were broken. Cracked. She was damaged goods. Not worthy of her time, no matter how interesting and perplexing her existence was. She existed, the child existed with all that that implied. It was enough. The existence of innocence, ignorance and pure intention was enough to settle some of Kira's arguments. It meant that it was possible for an Arrancar to possess cordial human traits – to possess raw humanity, not just a diluted form of mercy. If that's what you call it.

The woman stood and broke eye contact with the child. Hopefully the little human could restore life. If not, her desire to see the Substitute Shinigami and his unusual power fall to Grimmjow would remain unfulfilled. The loss of the man who could bring her devastation would come to be, but not by the terms agreed to by the fate written out by a personal hand. Individuality determined destiny, not the persuasion of the mind by nature.

The child stared at the Espada with a curious, worried expression. "Are you going to help Ichigo?" She had a lisp. It was annoying. "Are you going to help him?"  
Ichigo. Kurosaki Ichigo. "No." Kira replied.

Nel watched urgently as the woman vanished, stirring the air and making a small sound as she went. The young girl felt the tears brim her eyes again as the lifeless body of the Shinigami remained unchanged. Her enemy had become her friend. She had become his friend because he had not judged her by what she was, but by what her heart could do. He had recognised what they all knew somewhere deep down, that every living thing had a heart; every soul had a heart.

The dark haired Arrancar that had vanished had seemed to realise this as she left. A Hollow was guarding a Shinigami – it was obscure and unprecedented. But there they were. Pathetic. Weak. There. Nel thought the woman regal in appearance, like she owned the place but had not built it. Nel thought that the woman knew this sharply and did not deny it. It killed her arrogance but not her ego. It stilled her pride to a controlled flow as opposed to a rushing torrent. It made her aware of the fact that, living does not define life and it made her fight for justification.

The funny thing about death is that it allows sense to those things that make no sense. However, if you are not the one dying, it does not allow you to explain this sense. Only experience it.

-

Ten minutes later, Kira found Grimmjow dragging Orihime towards the dome. She was not fast nor fit nor agile. She was a burden to him until they arrived. The Sexta Espada was no pack mule but she made him feel like he was being held back and he hated that more than anything else.

The Novena Espada seemingly materialised. She told Grimmjow where Ichigo was. "But, I'll let you know now; he's dead."

Grimmjow glanced at the girl and then at the human. "We'll see about that."  
"You're not God, Grimmjow. You can't raise the fallen." Kira stated as the man moved off, dragging the red-head with him. She was covered by a white sheet, blinding her, hiding her.

"Weren't you listening?" The Sexta Espada said wickedly. "The woman can reverse acts ordained by God himself."  
"Fingers crossed." Came the casual reply.

The man scoffed, hardly amused.

Kira was headed back into Las Noches. "Don't start without me."  
"Ha!" Grimmjow actually did smile at this. "Don't be late, brat."

The girl paused and lifted the corners of her mouth. "Don't die."

At this, the Sexta Espada let out a mono-syllabic laugh and moved off, tugging the covered woman with him as he did so. He didn't care where Kira was going, not one bit. Yet, somewhere, he did want her to be there when the fight concluded. It was not something he had thought about or something that had spouted from any feelings for her. He simply knew that they had a simple relationship. They fought together, with each other but never as an enemy. They had become, for lack of a better word, friends. That word implied that they respected the other as a comrade and fighter but trusted them with their 'beyond facade' ID. It wasn't complicated – it never would be. They didn't rely on each other, didn't get in the way of the other, didn't disregard the other. They were just there. Not for each other, but parallel to those who they couldn't seem to escape. It was a way of living and an aspect of lifestyle, yet was in no way definitive.

Kira, on the other hand, had let her mind stray to something rather complicated. Aizen had ordered her to move to the Real World when the time was right. He had requested it of every Espada and their Fracción. Yet, the Espada were falling to the Shinigami. They were running amuck through Las Noches. There was no order except to those who followed Aizen whole heartedly. No one was listening to anyone but themselves. The girl didn't know why this bothered her; it had always been a reality of the Arrancar. Maybe it was the desire for victory that seemed to become unstable.

The Novena Espada found Aizen in his throne room with Gin and Tousen.

"Kira," the leader said in a smooth voice "is everything okay?"  
The girl had stopped a few feet short of the Shinigami's chair. "I'm not sure." She replied respectfully. The sight of the dead Substitute had sharpened her awareness of the group. "The Espada are supposed to be leaving with you in a short while, yet they are acting on free will and either falling or falling away."  
"Away from who?"

"You, Aizen-sama."

The man smiled lightly. "I appreciate your concern."  
"I'm not concerned. I was just wondering something."  
"Oh?"  
"I was wondering what you intended to do with us when you reach your objective?"

"Like you said, Kira, you are acting on free will."  
"As you did when you created the Espada?"

"As I did when I created the Espada."

There was a pause. Kira felt concrete in her sudden disdain for the man in front of her. He had given her life, allowed her to reach her full potential; yet he was not prepared to guide them, appreciate them or respect them in any way. He was god to himself and his world – a god that did not follow a relationship with his followers in order to assure their loyalty. Kira knew that they were all pawns, but the ability to move of their own will had let her slip off the game-board and onto her own objective field. Even so, Aizen would use her until she passed on, then he would use someone else.

Kira remembered the child beside the dead Shinigami. It was possible to ally with someone other than the one who created you. She remembered Grimmjow. It was possible to exist without alliance to anything except yourself. The Novena Espada eyed Aizen and realised that he had tied himself to both and released himself from it all. He was that powerful. That selfish.

"If you are worried, I ask you not to be." Aizen said easily. "I only asked that you followed me. I do not require your trust or your respect, just your feet."

This secured the belief that Aizen used his soldiers as pawns. He needed them, but that was it. He did not need anything from them.

Kira blinked simply and let her gaze stray to the other Shinigami in the room. They were watching her with blank, easy expressions. "So, that would make you a god then?"  
Aizen smiled. "That would make me God himself."  
There was a short pause. "Okay."  
"Okay?" Came the effortless reply.

"I apologise, Aizen-sama. I thought God's were born that way."

A small noise of amusement carried through the room. "You will see the reality of your situation when you come to the Real World with me to fight Soul Society."

Kira remained silent for a moment. She nodded once and turned away from the man. She would be at the battle for Karakura Town. She would be there to see exactly who she was following and to uncover, through that, exactly what she was. However, before that, a certain Orange Haired threat had to fall. The Novena Espada had left the throne room when the short flair of pure lined reiatsu faded back into existence. The smell of the Substitute Shinigami raised the hairs on the back of her neck. The little woman had raised the dead. The little woman had the power of god even though she was not one. She didn't feel like a threat, only a blessing. She had, however, brought back that which had started the shreds of question within the Novena Espada. She had brought back the Shinigami and for that, Kira hated her. Orihime could not create any being, but the ability to bring them back to full power was more than enough. Aizen had created the Espada, but he did not unite them or hand them fulfilment. He knew that they were animals and let them be, he let them justify their own existence. Through the Substitute Shinigami and the presence of Shinigami and Arrancar working together allowed Kira to take a path that would lead her to whatever it was she was looking for. Grimmjow had found it in pride and victory; she would find it in purpose and validation.

-

Kira appeared on a platform overlooking the to-be battlefield. She could feel Grimmjow's reiatsu, it was pacing in anticipation. And then there was the presence of the Shinigami. Kurosaki Ichigo. The Novena Espada had to blink a few times before her eyes adjusted to the glare of the daylight off the sand. She did not like the brightness. It was harsh, seething and heated. A spark of excitement threaded its way through the girl's body as she noticed the sudden explosion of spirit power ahead of her. The fight was about to begin. The Shinigami was about to die.

Kira used Sonído to reach a point just off the edge of the core reiatsu presence. She took a place on top of one of the many red pillars that rose out of the sand and peered down, searching for the fight itself. She could sense it acutely; like a tide coming in, like a storm rolling around. It was rising and falling and then catapulting upwards. Grimmjows presence soared haughtily, violently; he was feeling malicious and determined. And then there was Kurosaki. Kira felt her hackles rise against him. His power was unstable but huge. If it fell the wrong way, everyone in its path would undoubtedly fall.

The Novena Espada glanced around and spotted a familiar orange glow atop one of the other pillars. Behind it stood two figures, one human the other unprecedented. The girl was torn from this view when something exploded through her senses. It felt like she had been assaulted by freezing salt water, but it tasted like Hollow. It tasted familiar. Kira searched the direction the force had come from and found the Shinigami, masked with a face akin to her own. He was wearing a Hollow mask and a Shinigami robe. She was wearing Shinigami powers and a Hollow persona. The similarity was unnerving. However, comfort was found in a laugh.

Kira felt herself smile as she spotted Grimmjow far below. He had his sword at the ready, his hand on the steel and his grin plastered on by pleasure. He was going to win. The fight had barely begun, but he was going to win. In his mind, in his style, in his purpose; Kurosaki had no chance against that sort of force. Not unless he possessed something similar, but everyone knew that no two things are exactly alike.

There was a deafening silence and then the words "Grind, Pantera!"

The assault of Grimmjow's release threw the sand around him into a torrent. It flew upwards, hiding him for a moment before wavering to reveal his true form. The Blue Haired Espada screamed as he completed the transformation and hit everything with a penetrating soundwave. Kira lifted an arm over her eyes to stop the sand from getting into them. Her jacket shifted around her and her hair nearly came loose from the force of the yell. When she lowered her hand, she saw the definite feline form of Grimmjow. She had walked near it for years before it became human and tried to avoid it for decades whenever it unveiled itself again. In his released form, Grimmjow was exceptionally fast, agile and sly but he also contained a brute force that allowed him to last longer than the Novena Espada could in her released state.

The man stood upright on inverted knees, he had claws for fingers and toes and a tail for balance. His hair was longer, his teeth sharper, his body more streamlined. He was a predator and the Shinigami had become his prey.

Kira watched as Grimmjow leapt into the air, appearing right in the face of his opponent. He stuck with a force that threw Kurosaki into the air. The Espada chased the man and hit him again and again and again, throwing him into pillars and driving him back. Kira flinched when Grimmjow hit the Shinigami and forced him, headlong, into the ground.

The Blue Haired Espada laughed in delight. "Is that all you got, Kurosaki Ichigo?"

He threw himself from the air and plummeted towards the Shinigami. The Hollow-Masked man responded by slicing the air with his sword and hitting his opponent in the shoulder. He dug the tip in and moved forward, dragging the blade down Grimmjow's arm and settling a few feet away. Both men turned upon each other sharply and struck.

Kira lost them for a minute as the sand flurried upwards around them. She took the opportunity to sight the other human. Orihime Inoue was watching, her hands clutched to her chest and her expression pitiful. Kira wondered what she looked like perched up high. She wondered what sort of expression she sported.

All this thought disappeared when the sand dissolved again. Grimmjow and Ichigo were fighting each other. They were as quick as each other and just as skilled with their weapons of choice. Constantly they attacked, latched together, broke apart, lunged and attacked again. And then, in a moment, Grimmjow took the upper hand and kicked his opponent across the jaw sending him sprawling backwards. The Shinigami hardly responded in time before being driven back against a pillar. Defeat was imminent.

Or so Kira thought moments before the battle arrived on her doorstep. She had leapt off her place a few seconds before it crumbled due to the force of Kurosaki's impact. It was vaguely amusing, being removed by the battle she had inevitably caused. If it hadn't been for her letting Grimmjow know about the unusual power of the Shinigami, he wouldn't have been so determined to explore battle with the man.

Kira used her Sonído to land on one of the few pillars left. The rest had become part of the landscape. She paused a moment as she realised just where she arrived. Orihime and the child didn't even notice her arrive, they were watching the fallen and the dust that settled around him. The Novena Espada remained silent and decided not to move – she would miss the final stages of battle if she did.

She would miss the moment Kurosaki Ichigo died.

The young man was breathing hard, his mask was nearly gone. He still managed to glare at Grimmjow as if he still had a chance at victory.

"It's over, Kurosaki." The Espada stated carefully. His expression was nearly merciful and almost fulfilled.

It was over.

Kira swallowed in anticipation and tasted something bitter in her throat. The young boy with orange hair was going to die. The human was going to die. She had wanted this; the elimination of a threat. She had wanted it. Yet, the child, the little Arrancar child with the green hair...she did not see the Shinigami as a threat. Rather, as a friend. There had been alternatives. For the first time in her lengthy life, Kira realised that existing and being alive were totally separate and both priceless. She had killed many, many souls in her time – erased them. Yet, she had never saved one. Not one. She hadn't thought that she could possess something like that, but now, she wasn't so sure. The expression on Grimmjow's face made this insecurity even more concrete.

"Don't die."

Kira stiffened.

"Don't die, Kurosaki-kun!" The human girl cried.

The orange haired boy turned around and stared over the remnants of the pillar he had taken down on impact. The red stand behind it was the platform upon which his friend stood. He didn't seem to see anyone but her or hear anything except her words.

"You don't have to win." She was saying. "You don't have to keep trying. Just don't get hurt anymore."

She was crying.

Kira stared at the woman, perplexed. She had called out in the middle of a fight to tell her friend not to die. She told him that he didn't have to even try. The Novena Espada straightened her posture and peered down at the two men. Would she have done the same for her comrade? What was the difference between them? Of course she didn't want Grimmjow to die, but she didn't want him to stop trying. She didn't want him to get hurt, but she did want him to win. She wanted him to survive and continue surviving. Not for herself, she could live without him, but for him. So that walking alone wouldn't be so lonely. So that there would be something parallel to her, reminding her that something existed beyond the stretch of time and sand and isolation. Even solitary creatures cannot live completely alone. If you put a man in solitary confinement, his mind locks down and he loses the ability to complete some social tasks like driving in a busy street. His mind runs out of this to process and begins to imagine what is not there. Men will create what they need, even if there is nothing to build with. Men need company and if they deny this, their mind will create it for them even if it is slowing down and disintegrating. They may lose or slow the functions of part of their mind, but they will never lose the need to be in the presence of more than themselves and to hear more than the sound of their own breath. Men; beings with souls.

The Novena Espada breathed steadily as the Shinigami turned back to Grimmjow and told him, quite frankly, that he could not get hurt anymore. He was determined. Kira felt something in the atmosphere change and her assurance slipped. She turned her face to the human and held back a low growl. Orihime seemed surprised for a moment to see the Espada standing so close, but she did not tense up or take a defensive stance. She did something unprecedented. She smiled.

Kira frowned. She fingered the hilt of her blade and turned away. There was no desire to attack the girl, but there was a desire to rip her apart and uncover just what she was thinking at that moment in time.

The sky lit up a violent blue. The fight was still going. Kira snapped back to the task at hand and felt her own smile silently into her features. Grimmjow was wielding Desgarron, his greatest technique. Laceration. He hadn't even used it near her, somehow implying that the Novena Espada was not disposable. The Sexta Espada's claws emanated the blue light, breaking the sky with ten lines of power that would cut through any soul in a single swipe. It was time for the final stroke and nothing could go against Grimmjow's.

Kira watched as the Espada threw a hands worth of attack at the Shinigami. Ichigo managed to block with his sword but was thrown back. The Shinigami fought for balance as he realised the power of the technique. He lost his footing and stumbled under the force, letting it crash near the base of his friends pillar. Orihime was safe behind her shield but Kira had to raise her arm to deflect the small pieces of wood and sand that got thrown in her direction.

"You're finished, Kurosaki!" Grimmjow cried in victory.

He was finished. The Novena Espada dropped her arm and stood rigid with anticipation. She leant forwards slightly, waiting for the Shinigami to die. To hell with the value of life; Kurosaki would take the life of Grimmjow if something wasn't done about it. To hell with it all. He needed to be taken down and he would be.

"You disgust me!" Grimmjow continued. "You're gonna lose to me! I am the king!"

Ichigo, at the end of this statement, drove his feet into the ground and took an offensive stance. "You're not the only one who wants to win."

He leapt forward, swinging his blade as he went. Grimmjow threw his Desgarron. Both men were damaged. Both sported wounds, cuts, bruises – both men knew that the final moments of their fight had arrived and both wanted to win with an equal determination. However, determination won't win a fight – reason will.

Pride and desire seemed to crumble below the need to protect and defend.

"I can't afford to lose to you, Grimmjow!" The Shinigami yelled, digging his sword into the blue light and shattering it like glass.

Kira froze. The difference between the opponents was simple; Ichigo had someone to fight for and something to take home, Grimmjow had himself. It appeared that the Sexta Espada realised this a half moment before the blade of Kurosaki Ichigo sank into the flesh of his chest. The blue light disappeared revealing pure daylight. The Novena Espada felt the smell of blood burn her instincts. The smell of Grimmjow's blood. The man stood still, his face shocked as he stared at the black steel settled in his body. The Shinigami was silent and motionless, waiting for victory to arrive fully.

It was over. Kurosaki would die one day, but he had lived to deal the final blow on Grimmjow. It was over. It was finished.

Kira felt her breathing increase as Grimmjow slipped backwards off the sword of his enemy and begin to fall to the ground, unable to move, unable to fight, unable to live. There was a continued silence as the Shinigami caught the wrist of the Espada as he lost to gravity. Grimmjow hung in the man's grip, his eyes closed, his body quiet.

No. Was the word that reverberated through the Novena Espada's mind. No. She watched as the body of her comrade was settled on the sand of Las Noches. She watched as the Shinigami stared at his opponent, unvoiced in his victory. She watched as the black robed man turned away, his mask gone. No.

Orihime turned to the woman only to find her gone. She had vanished. Her presence was completely forgotten the moment the serious face of Kurosaki Ichigo wafted back into her mind. Even the green-haired child forgot the Novena Espada in the tail end of victory. What the Shinigami had come to do, they had done. It was over. Nothing else mattered.

Kira stood over Grimmjow's body, unseen by anything except the sky. He was composed of a soul. It had not moved on yet. The Substitute had not killed him to win. The girl, acknowledging this but choosing not to dwell on it, knelt down beside her friend like she had beside Kuchiki, beside Kurosaki.

The only difference was, this time, she touched the body. She slid her fingers under Grimmjows chin and turned his face up to her own.

"You're not dead yet." She said smoothly as she steadied her breathing.

A pair of blue eyes locked onto hers in an instant.

"You promised." Kira held the gaze.

Grimmjow growled. He was obviously in a lot of pain. He was obviously clinging to life.

"I won't give you the speech that caused the Shinigami to win, but I'll let you know that I won't let you die. I'll make you keep that promise."

Something in the Sexta Espada changed. He was going to live, even if he had lost. No. He had not lost. Not yet. Not while he still had breath in him. Kira rocked backwards as the man struggled up. She didn't touch him again. She didn't speak again. She simply continued to watch as the battle raged. His battle. The Novena Espada slipped away as the man stood to his feet and found his balance. His breathing was rough, his body tarnished. Victory was not in his grasp, but losing was not in his nature.

The Shinigami and his friends had arrived on the sand and were about to head off when they heard the ragged gasp of effort that flowed from the Sexta Espada. Their faces reflected shock. He shouldn't have even been able to move.

Kira saw Grimmjow's posture drop as he moved forwards. Even without her, he would have pushed himself to the point he was at. Even without her, he would have gotten up and gripped firm to his pride and purpose.

The Sexta Espada shed his released form and returned it to the form of a blade. His human body panted for rest, air and life. "I don't lose..." blood pooled beneath his still feet "I...I'll never go down ...to someone like you." He struggled to speak.

There was nothing pathetic about it. Nothing weak. Stupid, maybe, but Grimmjow had become a strong man standing on the brink of eternity. The Sexta Espada threw himself at Ichigo. Surprisingly, the Shinigami threw his own sword aside and responded to the attack by catching Grimmjow by the wrist, hovering his enemy's blade in the air above his shoulder. He had stopped the Espada.

"That's enough, Grimmjow." He said easily. "You've lost. I don't care if you're a king or not. But cutting through everyone you don't like and becoming a king with no one to rule....what's the point of it all? If you loathe me so much, I'll fight you whenever you want. So let it go for now."

From her place in the background, Kira was presented with the possibility of options again. Of preserving life even in loss. It was not something that came naturally to her, but it was something that made sense. She hadn't even thought to tell Grimmjow 'enough'. It hadn't occurred to her. All that she had known was survival, and that is what she presented. It wasn't the same thing, but it was the thing that kept them alive. If that was what it took to keep them alive, then so be it; but it was nice to know that there was another way too. It was comforting to know that some enemies didn't want to win by cutting out life, they won by cutting out loss.

Grimmjow did not agree with Ichigo. The moment his wrist was released was the moment he lunged at the man again. He wasn't going to let it go, even though he had thought about it for a second.

Kira suddenly wished she had been paying more attention to the world around the fight. Nnoitra, hungry for his own battle, threw his weapon and eliminated the man who stood in the way of his victory over the Shinigami. It was so sudden, so unprecedented. Kira realised that against the blow delivered by the newcomer, Grimmjow wouldn't be able to keep his side of the bargain. Espada do not think like Shinigami – creating loss is their way of creating life.

The Blue Haired Espada crumbled to the ground. Kira took off towards him and checked herself. She stopped abruptly and skidded along the sand, staring angrily across the gap between herself and the Fifth Espada. He would kill her too if he noticed her, and then no one would be able to keep their word.

"Damn, you're a sore loser." The sick voice of Nnoitra stated sadistically. "Just die already." He swung his half moon blade down and advanced. "He's mine now."

"Who are you?" Ichigo asked, shocked by the swift change of events.

Kira felt her entire body relax when she heard Grimmjow's voice. "Nnoitra...you son of a..." his voice was cracked and nearly gone. His body immobile for real. He should be dead. He really should be dead. Kira was relieved that he wasn't.

"Woah, you're still alive?" The Fifth Espada mused. He leapt into the air, over the head of the Shinigami, determined to erase the Sixth.

Kira drew her sword out of instinct and watched as the Shinigami saved the life of her friend. As her enemy saved the life of his enemy. Nothing made sense that day. Not life, not death, not winning, not losing. All that really mattered was keeping one's self alive and willpower seemed to be all that was left to ensure that.

The Shinigami stood over his opponent, his sword blocking the attack of his new enemy.

"What the hell're you doing?" Nnoitra mentioned casually in confusion.

"That's my line." Ichigo was defiant. "Why are you attacking someone who can't even move?" He was protecting Grimmjow.

Kira let the tip of her blade drop. The Shinigami was protecting Grimmjow. The Shinigami was saving his life. The life of the man who had wanted only to kill him. The man she wanted to see dead was saving the man she wanted alive.

"HA!" Nnoitra broke the defence and separated himself from Kurosaki. He turned to Grimmjow. "The hell this shit, Grimmjow? First the enemy kicks your ass, then you let him save your life?" He glanced sideways, aware of the Novena Espada. "Not even your little whore went that far."

Kira was a little happy that someone was just as confused as she was but very much insulted at she had received a new title. Ichigo stared at the girl for a moment, she had not once attacked him or gotten in the way. She had not once interfered, even if it meant the death of the one thing close to her. It reminded him of the eleventh squad and the strong bond its members held and the strong honour they possessed. Everything was torn back to reality as a new fight began. Grimmjow was forgotten. Kira was forgotten. Everything moved on without them. Even Orihime had moved her attention to the new battle.

They were alone. Kira sheathed her sword and dropped down to her knees beside Grimmjow. He was staring upwards, his expression a little lost but continually strong. The girl surveyed the damage. It was severe. It caught in her throat. "Shit."

Grimmjow didn't even move. His breathing was shallow and nearly indistinguishable. But he was awake.

Everything was sharply worse since Nnoitra arrived. He had interrupted an incomplete battle. Or, a battle that was incomplete to the Espada. Kira didn't care about the survival of the Substitute now; he had shown her that he was not going to gain victory through death. He would not destroy them completely, he would change them. Kira cared now about the survival of Grimmjow Jeagerjaques.

The girl noted that his left side was significantly worse than his right and somehow managed to haul the healthier arm of the man over her shoulder. She stumbled forward as she lifted his weight against her back. He was taller, heavier and less helpful than she had anticipated. Kira hissed in effort and felt the need to get away from the front line heighten as the warmth of Grimmjow's blood seeped through the back of her jacket. The girl felt the man's head against her neck and gained assurance of his life through the nearly-breathing that brushed down her throat.

The sight must have been an odd one. An Espada bearing another. A woman trying to hold up a man. Grimmjow's feet dragged on the ground as his wrist was gripped down across the girl's chest, securing him in place. She was leaning forward from the weight. The man was unable to move or speak and thus unable to help himself or protest. In fact, he was soon unconscious, his forehead resting over the shoulder of the woman and finding a place near her collarbone. His face was turned across her body and a gash on his forehead ensured that his blood got on the front and back of her clothes.

Kira used Sonído to get far away quickly. Or as quickly as she could go. She wouldn't go as far as fast with Grimmjow on her back, but she had to go. She had to move forward. Everywhere the atmosphere tingled. Shinigami were going up against Espada and Shinigami were defeating them. Arrancar were dying. No one was stopping to save them, not even their enemies. There was no one like Kurosaki Ichigo.

Kira Sato struggled towards another destroyed building. The pillars in the section of dome she had reached were mostly intact – mostly except for one. It had lost its top completely. The girl realised that it was the same tower in which she had found Kuchiki Rukia. The little Shinigami had been nearly as far gone as the Espada on her back. It seemed that someone had avenged her. The smell of Zommari lingered, but his reiatsu was gone.

Kira stopped trudging forward for a moment. She looked up at the topless pillar. Her sharp gaze met the eyes of a tall, dark haired man with grey eyes. He had a white something in his hair. It looked a little like the white something Kira had on her face, only his meant that he was head of his household, not that he was a Hollow. He watched her, seeing only a woman under the dead body of a man. She was breathing heavily under the burden, her hair was escaping and drifting down her face, sticking to the sweat and blood on her neck and getting stuck in the drying red that seeped from the Espada she bore. She was carrying death and because of it, was resembling it. Death was determined. Death was sure. Death was steadfast. Death was victorious.

The girl inhaled, forcing herself to be steady in the intake. She blinked and broke the gaze of the man. She was gone.

-

_Is this the end of everything we know?  
__This is the end of everything I am?  
__Broken hearts like promises, are left for lesser knows  
From a lesser known.  
I'm here and there's hope.  
There's hope._

_(Anberlin, Hello Alone)_

-

-----------

And so we are brought to the last known sighting of Grimmjow. I personally think he is alive as Tite Kubo (the creator of Bleach) has continually presented character deaths with solid proof – they are always seen dead, never dying. Grimmjow was dying, not dead. So, until a confirmation as to his passing is made, I consider him alive and am waiting for him to appear in the manga/anime.

From here on in, the plot will be my own. I will go to the Karakura Town Battle in the next chapter and then onto more. I apologise if the content has been heavy, I expect it to get lighter in coming chapters. All the information has been gathered, all that is left is to conclude it and continue the story with that.

I hope you enjoyed the chapter. Please let me know what you thought. I value your input and find it exceptionally helpful in the continuation of the story. So, if you're reading, be reviewing.

Constructive Criticism welcome.

Blessings,

Peterpauper.


	10. Chapter 10

-

**Chapter 10**

_There's a grief that can't be spoken.  
There's a pain goes on and on.  
Empty chairs at empty tables  
Now my friends are dead and gone_

_(Les Miserables, Empty Chairs at Empty Tables)_

-

All those years, all those built up years of everything. They were here first. Before everything. They had to be. They had to be or else nothing made sense.

Kira Sato stood in an empty room in Las Noches and raised her hand into the air. The matter of her world opened itself, tearing an opening into some other realm. The girl had a blank face and a set plan.

In the Real World, somewhere above Karakura Town, Aizen was fighting a man he once called comrade. Tousen was killing his vice-captain. The ground was alive with Shinigami saving their fallen. The ground was still with Arrancar who had no one to save them. The day was beautiful. The sky was blue, the air was clear, the breeze was sweet. It was pretty. Kira knew one thing. She could not kill Aizen, but she could kill her alliance with him. It was the only thing in her life that pained her. It was the only thing that caged her. He had said 'follow me', so she had done that. She had never trusted him, never liked him, never obeyed him. The Novena Espada had simply followed Aizen and adhered to his path. He was the one who had accelerated her completion after all; the one who had birthed her.

A few faces turned up as the sky over Karakura Town opened with a high-toned ripping noise. A figure stepped out of the inky blackness and stared straight ahead. She was wearing a stained jacket. There was a redness caked under her fingernails and a smearing of crimson on her arm. Her hair was up, but a few pieces had escaped. They hung limp as if they had been wet. The Arrancar had one hand on the hilt of her sword, the other hung at her side. She was silent.

-

_Deep within Las Noches, locked behind sterile walls, stood a woman. She was leaning on an empty metal table, staring at nothing at all as her body tensed like a spring. The walls of the room she was in were lined were blank except for a few spartan shelves containing bottles and boxes labelled for medical use. A trolley stood at her side, it contained used bowls, swabs, needles, threads. It had bloody bandages strewn across it and half empty containers of the wicked brown liquid that the Arrancar loved to hate as treatment. But at the end of the day, the table was empty. It had supported the body of the Sexta Espada only minutes before, but no longer. He had been moved. Moved on. _

_The girl let her head hang in exhaustion as she stood there. Her entire body hurt from carrying him. All she could smell was his blood. It was done. It was done. It was over. The Novena Espada let out a tired sigh and stood straight. She ran her hand over her face and remembered how to breathe. _

_With smooth steps, Kira walked up to the door and opened it. She left the world of medicine behind and made the decision to move on. _

_-_

Kira became suddenly aware of her surroundings. There were no Espada left in the Real World, just the Shinigami, Aizen and his Captains. Aizen was standing over the nearly-alive bodies of two blondes. The Novena Espada identified the female as the one who had damaged her tattoo. The male was the one who attacked Grimmjow that same day. They were not dressed in the Shinigami robes, but they seemed to possess their powers. Yet, like Ichigo, they smelled like Hollow. They were painfully similar to what the Arrancar were and maybe that's why they were unsure of each other.

Gin seemed to be the one who had taken the woman down. It seemed that things were about to end even though it felt that the Shinigami had already won. They had the numbers; they had already taken down the Primera Espada.

Kira then paused in slight shock as she realised what had happened to the blonde girl. The man was cradling her by the shoulders, but beyond her waist there was nothing. Surprisingly, the Novena Espada felt a wave of nausea flood her for a moment.

"Kira." Aizen said smoothly. "You came."

The Espada turned her head to the man. "Who are they?" She indicated the blonde pair. "Are they Arrancar?"  
The man smiled. "No, they are not. They are the opposite."  
Kira thought about this. She was a Hollow that had obtained Shinigami powers, if they were the opposite, then they were Shinigami who had obtained Hollow powers. They met in the middle. They were like two worlds branching out to meet and that found commonplace in the centre of their divide. There was a rift of silence. The Novena Espada then did something unprecedented.

She unsheathed her sword in a single, deft movement and pointed it at Aizen. "I hate you."  
The man smiled genially. "Why the sudden change of heart?"  
"Are you implying that I have a heart?" She could feel it thundering away inside her. "Do you remember the day you made me an Arrancar?" Kira was composed, her arm was out straight, her body was turned side on to the man she was addressing. "You were the first person I saw, the first voice I heard, but you were not the first person I acknowledged."

_She had just completed the last stage of her evolution. There was no other step. There was no closer bridge to humanity. There was no closer soul to one with a heart. Kira wrapped her fingers around the edges of the long white coat that had been tossed languidly on her and turned her head. Another man was standing near her. He had blue hair and a smug expression. His hands were buried into his pockets and a sword hung at his side. _

"_Get up, Arrancar." He said thickly. _

"_Grimmjow."_

Aizen did not seem fazed. "I did not ask for your loyalty."  
"You never had it."

At this moment, the blonde male broke into the conversation. He was yelling. He was upset. Aizen turned his attention to him and away from the Espada.

Kira clenched her jaw. She hated him. She hated what he had done to the people she knew. Grimmjow had never once liked Aizen, but they had been bound to him by the power he had given them. They walked around with it bound to them. Everything they had was because he had come to them. Even so, he had given it to them and it was not his to take away. It was not his to watch die away. The moment had shifted so suddenly the day Kira had been 'born'. She had seen Aizen, but she had been with Grimmjow. After finding him, she couldn't lose him.

But that battle had not been fought by her and that end was not one she could control – no matter how hard she tried. The urge to break free was insane. It flooded every cell of the woman's body until she had no resolve anymore; it was everything. She would do as she had always done, she would survive, only this time she would do it on her terms in a world and life of her choosing.

Kira was torn from her thoughts as a high keeling noise drove her awake. Her sword arm felt the vibrations that her blade was giving out from the sudden attack. The girl swung forwards, sending the intruding attack in a direction that was not her face. A few steps away, near Aizen, Gin was grinning like a fox.

-

_Kira stepped inside the room she had just opened and shut the door behind her. It was the typical eggshell white and spartan in appearance. Against the far wall was a grey bed with white sheets. Underneath these lay the form of the should-be-dead Sexta Espada. He was not awake. _

_The girl took a place standing by his bedside. The man's chest was wrapped in bandages. Below these was a layer of gauze covered in the painful yet somehow positive brown liquid. It had taken a lot of effort to stop the bleeding, but they had. The medic had stitched the ugly gash that had been caused by the Fifth Espada and pulled the wound Kurosaki had delivered shut. It had taken a long time to get to that point. _

_Kira had stood by and ordered the man to hurry up and save the Espada. He seemed to be afraid of her. In fact, the first thing the medic had seen was the Novena Espada carrying the Blue Haired man. She had been panting and determined and smeared in blood. _

_Grimmjows wounds had been severe. He had a neat, well placed hole in his chest from where the Shinigami had delivered the final blow. It was not placed to be terminal, but to maim to a point of immobility. The Shinigami had spared his opponents life. The second serious injury was ugly. It wrapped itself around the left side of the man's torso, staring near the base of his neck and ending at the bottom of his ribcage. It kept coming open and pulling on itself when the Sexta Espada breathed. The force of the blow should have ripped him in half. _

_Kira sat on the floor and leant her back against the bed. She let her head fall back against the mattress as she shut her eyes. When she opened them again, Grimmjow was staring at the ceiling. The girl turned around and saw him glance at her a moment. She turned away, acknowledging that he would survive. _

"_It's not over." Grimmjow's voice was low, rough, tired. _

"_It's over for now."_

"_It's not over. If it was over, Kurosaki would be dead."  
Kira paused. "He already killed you, Grimmjow."_

_The last blow given in that battle should have been a killing blow. That had been the whole purpose of the fight – to kill. _

_The Novena Espada closed her eyes again. "Don't get angry, upset of disgraced. You lost. You very nearly won, but humans, being the peculiar creatures that they are, managed to turn the tables."_

_Silence. It stretched out until something changed dramatically in the atmosphere. Something felt suddenly different. Something had changed. _

"_Ulquiorra." Grimmjow stated._

_Kira realised that the reiatsu of the Fourth had vanished. "Kurosaki."  
The Sexta Espada growled momentarily. _

_The girl stood and faced the man Kira stared at his silent face. "We can't escape each other, can we? I bet that if we'd tried to be apart we would still have somehow ended up near. Again." _

_Grimmjow tried to say something but found that he couldn't. Everything hurt. Everything was worn out. Everyone had to recover from something, his time had come. _

_Kira paused. "Maybe we've been here before. When we met, everything changed. We couldn't stop living parallel to each other. Maybe we were together once before, a long time ago. I'd like to think that I can call you my friend out loud. I don't care if it's not in the nature of the Arrancar. It's in our nature to be individualistic even if we feel the same. I am your friend and comrade and I saved your life. Don't waste it." _

"_I know, brat." Came the reply. _

_The Novena Espada met Grimmjow's eye. She nodded once in acknowledgement and turned away from him. _

"_Oi, Kira." A forced voice called. "Don't die."_

_Kira glanced over her shoulder as she reached the door. She smiled. He'd be just fine._

_-_

_W__e're falling apart and coming together again and again  
We're coming apart but we pull it together  
Don't let me go_

_(The Fray, Never say Never)_

_-_

Bleed once, it's enough. Is it really worth the fuss?

Kira skidded backwards as Gin threw his blade out at her again. He hadn't moved, but the tip of his sword flew towards the Espada at speed. She had blocked the thrust, but it continued to move forward, pushing her backwards.

Suddenly, the force stopped. The girl didn't have time to react as Gin drew his blade back a few centimetres, realigned its direction and attacked again. Kira felt the tip break through the skin of her torso and push her back again. The girl gasped as she felt the attack change its path while embedded within her. It started to move sideways, slicing her open.

The Novena Espada used Sonído to get away from the attack and detach herself from the sword. She grimaced at the deep set pain that had just been inflicted. Kira glanced down and pressed her hand against the wound. It was buried beside her hip and had ripped a short, ugly gash towards her middle.

She felt herself stumble sideways from the rawness of the injury. The fight that continued around her was Aizen against the Vizards and the 13 Divisions. It had no mention of Arrancar. They were no longer part of the war. They had been destroyed. Aizen himself had ensured the fall of some of his own in order to start his own fight. It was insulting. Everything the Espada had worked at was simply the deep breath before the storm. It wasn't even an event they got to witness the climax of. It was the one they faded out of before the core hit. They were the build up. But everyone knows that the worst storms have no build up, they just hit. That is what Aizen was doing. He was the be all and end all of everything and, truth be told, the Espada had known. They knew, but they had needed something, someone to lead them out of monotony. Their lives were continually shrouded in night, in survival and self-purpose. When a man with a light and a direction turned up, time started to seem less daunting and being alive seemed less like the process of living and more like the process of actually being something.

Kira knew that she had no chance against any of the Captains that Aizen had taken with him. But she was sure as hell going to try and prove her point. The point that the Arrancar were not disgusting, loathsome beings to be killed and maimed. They were souls.

-

_The sound of splashing water echoed through a bathroom in Las Noches. Inside, a girl was washing her face and neck. The sink was full of pink water. Kira breathed steadily as she leant on the counter and peered at herself in the mirror. She couldn't get all the blood off. She could still see it everywhere. It didn't matter how many people she had killed before, when it came to someone she felt more than apathy for, it was different. It was so different. It even hurt slightly. She did not love the man she had carried, but she did care for him. Enough to want him to live. Enough to want him to stay in his wrecked body and not disintegrated into a million blue particles and disappear forever. _

_The girl raised her fingers to the remnants of her Hollow Mask and glared at her reflection. She turned yelled angrily and punched the glass. It shattered away but she was unharmed. Her skin was thick like armour. Everything about her reminded her of what she was. Kira did not hate herself, she hated what had happened to her kind. They were fading away. Those who had worked and fought and given their lives to the cause of survival. Those who had given everything to make themselves better. They were dying. They were dying and it was okay. Aizen saw them as disposable. It was okay. Aizen didn't need them beyond that day. It was okay. Aizen watched them fall and did nothing to stop them. That was okay. Aizen had used them. That was not okay. He had destroyed them. _

_He was the one that had brought each Espada to their knees before someone like him; before a Shinigami. Each had received a blade through their soul and passed on. They were souls, they were just like the Shinigami only with different minds. They lived and breathed and felt. The Arrancar had just been conditioned to feel something different to the Shinigami. _

_Kira Sato felt a burning hatred for Aizen and his Captains. The Substitute Shinigami no longer mattered. He was not a threat – he would not kill them. He was the only one who acknowledged the existence of the Arrancar as the existence of Souls like his own. They had similar power, similar desires for victory. They knew their limits. Aizen wanted to be a god – to that, there was no limit. Aizen was the man to whom Kira should have raised her hackles first. _

_-_

The Novena Espada raised her palm to her opponent and released a cero straight at him. Gin, being some distance away, managed to evade the technique only to find the girl directly behind him, bringing her sword down. The man blocked her attack easily.

Kira didn't falter. While they were locked together she filled her hand with another cero and forced it right into the chest of her newfound enemy. Gin used Shunpo and disappeared, reappearing nearby and using his Shikai to attack the girl. She blocked him again and threw his attack away from her. Kira felt the gash in her side throbbing without pause as she continued to fight the Shinigami. It kept pulling when she moved. It ached. Yet, everything felt different. The Novena Espada was fighting for something she had chosen and because of that, she knew when and where to stop and when and where to become more fierce.

She was what she was. She was an Espada and that gave her confidence.

Gin drove her back again, unmoving himself. The Novena Espada allowed the distance to form before she broke her blade from her opponents and drove it's tip solidly into to the space between her feet.

"Nimbus, fly!" She said, watching as the now undefended tip of her Gin's sword closed the gap between them.

Her own blade vanished as her reality broke free. That was what everything was for; breaking free. No longer would they be the tigers pacing up and down the fence of a game-reserve. They were not zoo animals, they were not tame animals but they were in a place they could not escape. A place they had been led to. There had to be more. There must be more. Kira didn't know if she had been changed for the better by being with Aizen, but she knew she had been changed for the good. There was no going back from that. Yet, if the Captain could become the leader of Hueco Mundo, then an Espada could become something more. There must be more.

There was a flash of faded yellow reiatsu before a new form of opponent lunged out from the light. Kira had resurrected her true form and in doing so, become faster, stronger and whole. There was no more pain in her body. No more tiredness. She was who she was and that was an Espada.

The body that rushed over the already retracting sword was sleek and smooth. It was covered in tight fitting white armour-like plates that wrapped around a distinctly feline form. Her body was long and agile with a charcoal tail for balance at high speed. Her hands and feet had become dark and paw-like for grip and assault. Her nails were white and sharp and her canines had become elongated for attack. The Novena Espada's Hollow Mask consisted of two hard plates that stretched along her cheekbones from her temple and turned sharply down at the corner of her eye. From there, they dropped to just above her mouth, forming a point where they stopped. Her Hollow Hole was just above her stomach.

The girl snarled viciously as she collided with her opponent. Kira dug her nails into his shoulders and drove her feet into his stomach. His blade had not returned to its normal length yet and the surprise of the assault was evident. Kira ripped the man's white robe off and leapt into the air, letting the cloth fall towards the earth.

Gin turned around to face the girl. "Ikorose" He ordered his blade.

'Shoot to kill'. Once again, Gin's blade extended at a high speed, hitting his opponent with a tremendous force. She raised her forearm to stop the sword and cringed at the noise of it sliding over her hardened skin. Kira growled and threw herself around and away from the attack. She perched up high before launching herself at the man. Gin didn't have time to react before she latched onto him again. Kira had a direct method of fighting – she didn't damage her opponent or beat them up by kicking and punching. No, that would take too long. She went at them at speed and hit them with force, driving them backwards with her still latched onto them.

Kira slashed her nails across Gin's chest as they both plummeted downwards. She then pushed them apart, forcing herself up and driving him down. Kira realised that she was slowing down a little. She was getting tired. It had to end soon. While still moving away, the girl twisted her body and shot a cero at her falling opponent.

He was gone.

The Novena Espada frowned. Her eyes widened suddenly as Gin appeared behind her. She heard him begin to speak and moved her form sharply sideways as the steel of his blade sliced through the air she had been in, missing her by half a moment. Gin understood the woman's attack technique. She would allow little time for chase before she hit her opponent, latching onto them with force and deciding from there whether or not the blow she delivered would be fatal. If not, she drove the enemy back. If so, she would finish it. It was simple but difficult to counter due to her speed. Realizing this, Gin grabbed the girl the next time she got close to him. He locked his free hand around her wrist and pulled her sharply to himself. He didn't even bother to extend his sword that time, he just thrust it forward into his opponent's body. The Captain twisted his blade a little, earning a cracking noise for his efforts.

There was a deafening silence. Kira looked down and saw the sword embedded through her torso. The movement of the blade had made it stick into the now hard flesh of her skin. If she pulled away, a chunk of torso would go with it. If she didn't pull away, she would be sliced in two.

Gin was still smiling. "You put up a good fight." He pushed his sword in deeper, earning a growl. "But not good enough."

The man watched as small pieces of yellow floated up from the woman's body. In a quick flurry of reiatsu, she returned back to her human form. She was putting herself into a body with softer flesh knowing that it wouldn't damage her as much when she pulled away. Even so, she found that she couldn't move. She couldn't break free. It hurt.

Kira breathed heavily as she gripped her re-forming sword in her right hand. She gasped as Gin tore his blade from her body. This was cut short by a final slash. The man took the opportunity of her position as she fell away. The girl had started to lean back, away from him, exposing numerous openings for attack. Gin swung high and caught her across the throat. He watched as she stumbled backwards, gasping for breath. Her form was fast, agile, sleek – but it didn't last long. It wore out quickly. Already, she had been short of air. Now she wouldn't be able to catch her breath again.

Kira closed a hand around her neck and felt the warmth of her body escaping through her fingers. She was bleeding. She was bleeding blood and oxygen. He had cut her throat. The girl's instinct was to inhale, but when she did she lost more air than she gained. Everything was slipping away. With her sword hand, she searched for something to grab. There was nothing. Soon, she was falling. Tumbling. Plummeting. Defeated.

-

"_Kurosaki Ichigo, I'm not surprised that not everything lasts. There's more to living than being alive. I've been here for a very, very long time and I never really thought about whether or not I liked it or not. When I met you, you triggered something in me. Your power is so similar to mine, but people accept you. You don't attack the people you live with to survive. You live a beautiful life and you live with a power that is just like mine. I can't help that this is me. I can't help that this is how I look. Why is it so wrong for white people to hate black people, but it's okay for Shinigami souls to hate Arrancar souls? I wasn't going to be able to defeat Gin, but I was sure as hell going to try. Trying is better than accepting something you hate. I hated you once. I really did. You frightened me. You have everything that I had to live without. Is there one thing that I possess, any life experience that I have had, any object, ability...whatever, is there any part of me you would feel jealous of? The only difference between my soul and yours, Shinigami, is that you were born somewhere pretty. You had the opportunities, the family, the friends. You had it all. What would you do in my position? Would you do as I have done? Would you die trying to make your life different? I read somewhere that 'It's better to fight on your feet than live on your knees'. So, I got up off my knees, I stopped bowing to a man I didn't worship or follow and I went after what I wanted. I still don't know what that was, but I went for it. I want a life that is mine. Doesn't that make me more human than you? Don't my powers echo yours? I can't help that I am what I am, but I can make the most of it. I can make promises and keep them. I can make friends and keep them. But, today I learnt that, even if I give my word on something it doesn't mean that I'll be able to keep it. Goodbye, Kurosaki. Next time you see Grimmjow, and you will, tell him that I tried."_

_-_

_Some things we don't talk about  
__Better do without  
__Just hold a smile  
Together all the while  
__You can never say never  
Why we don't know when  
Time and time again  
Younger now then we were before  
Don't let me go  
Picture, you're the queen of everything  
As far as the eye can see under your command  
I will be your guardian when all is crumbling  
Steady your hand  
You can never say never  
Why we don't know when  
Time and time again  
Younger now then we were before  
Don't let me go_

_(The Fray, Never say Never)_

_-_

------------

Review, please. Constructive criticism welcome.

Let me know what you thought.

Blessings,

P.


	11. Prologue

-

**Prologue**

_I want to wake up kicking and screaming  
I want to live like I know what I'm leaving  
I want to know that my heart's still beating  
It's beating... it's beating...  
I'm bleeding._

_(Switchfoot, Awakening)_

**-**

Kira felt heavy. It felt like she was being crushed. There was no air. There was only water. Only wetness. The girl inhaled and felt an excruciating stinging through her neck and chest. Her arms tingled with the pain. She felt herself cough and dig her heels into something soft. Kira tried to breathe again and heard a strange burbling noise.

The Novena Espada opened her eyes and saw a blue sky. She blinked at the sudden light. She became aware of aura's near her own. They shifted in and out as if just beyond her reach. It felt like something had passed over. Some calamity had been avoided. Something had shifted.

The girl got a glimmer of air through her system as she lay, unable to move, in the Real World. It must have been the way she had fallen, but somewhere in the odd angles of a twisted body, oxygen was available in minute amounts. Kira groaned and tasted blood. A deep shadow cut off the sun.

The Espada turned her eyes over to the direction of the form above her. She couldn't see more than an outline, but she could tell that it was a Shinigami.

"Captain." The figure said. It was a woman. Her tone was soft, almost pitiful.

The shadow deepened to incorporate two bodies. The second was silent.

"What should we do?"  
"Killing her would purify her soul and send her to Soul Society."

Kira choked as she heard this. She tried to protest. The pair above her suddenly stopped. They were standing over the broken body of a fallen Arrancar. A young woman wearing a white coat. Her hair had come out and spread like a dark pool away from her body. She had elegant hands with ovular nails. In one of these hands, a sword was clutched. The other had fallen onto her stomach. Her black shirt was torn, revealing two deep gashes to her torso. They were not her worst injury though. Her throat had been slit. Not enough to kill her quickly, but enough to allow her to bleed and suffocate to death at the same time. It would be very slow and very painful. Her body would try to live and her damages would try to die. The wound had seeped down the girl's neck, etching crimson pathways over her skin. Her lips were tainted with her own blood and a line of the same slid away from the corner of her mouth. The Shinigami stared down at the pathetic sight. The Arrancar blinked and turned a pair of sharp eyes to them. They were frank and a brilliant shade of green.

"N...no."

The Shinigami pair stared down as the Arrancar struggled to speak.

"No." She said, gurgling at the end of her statement. "D...don't..." she fought the difficulty of mobility and speech. "...p...pl...please d..don't."

The Shinigami looked at each other for a moment.

Kira realised for the very first time that she was still alive, though barely. She realised for the first time that she desperately wanted to live. Not survive, but live. "Don't l...let me g...go."

The Arrancar moaned in pain before coughing again. Her chest rose and fell heavily from the effort to breathe. She knew that she had been out. She had survived in the darkness; she would survive in the light. Her breathing would have been shallower as she lay, unconscious, on earth. Now Kira was painfully aware of what she needed and what she hungered for. It became a fight. It always became a fight.

"Captain..." the female voice said softly.

There was a low sigh. "Is this the one who fought Gin?"  
"Hai."  
A short silence. "Then she technically took our side."

Kira's vision started to blur around the edges.

The male voice didn't say anything more. It was as if he were working it out for himself. The Arrancar was the enemy of the Shinigami as a unit. Yet, as an individual there may be more. Her aura was dark and ominous, but maybe that was a learned assumption. Purifying her soul made more sense than anything else, but the Shinigami could not bring themselves to do it. Whether or not they could bring themselves to help her was a different matter.

The girl heard a rustling noise and felt a presence directly beside her. She tried to turn her head but ended up spluttering desperately. It was a pathetic situation. Fraught. Yet, not hopeless. The figure beside her had seen something in the woman that she connected with. It was hidden deep within the Arrancar, but it was becoming evident. It was a free spirit. It would be a shame to see it pass away so early in its bloom.

Kira's head started to throb brutally and a soft prickling sensation crept up from her fingertips and toes. The girl clutched the hilt of her sword tightly and wondered what end it would all come to. The end itself or an end of an era. Change hurt. Everything hurt. Now was not the time to turn into dust. Now was not the time to abandon the soul. If anyone should judge her, let them judge her on how she fought the inevitable and that which was deemed correct. Suddenly, everything was silent. Kira stopped hearing her heartbeat pound through her ears. The noises around her ceased. All that was left was the sensation of the wind on her skin and the taste of blood in her mouth. Beauty and the Beast.

-

_We are more than dust_

_That means something_

_That means something_

_We are more than just blood and emotions_

_Inklings and notions_

_Atoms on oceans_

_(Brook Fraser, Hosea's Wife)_

-

There was the distinct feeling of being underwater. This was tied to the undeniable rooting of a soul to something. Something. It was there.

Everything was faded blue and grey. Everything moved in a serene, submerged manner. A pair of green eyes opened to the wet world and took in light. The eye is the window to the soul. Therefore, the body is the house of the soul and the mind is the key.

The form with the green eyes floated distantly, relaxed and remote. She drifted here and there. Her body was clothed in a white, knee length robe. Her hair was free to slow-dance around her head. Her fingernails were clean.

Kira felt exceptionally tired. It was as if she had slept to long. Her muscles ached gently. The girl blinked lazily and noticed that she was not alone. Far away was the shadow of another figure. The source of light made them a dark grey smudge in the middle of the endless blue. They were continuing on as she was. They were just there. No defined intention.

The girl raised her fingers softly to her throat and ran them down her neck. It was smooth and whole. Without expressing any surprise, joy or contentment, her hand moved to press against where she knew her other damages were. Her fingertips moved the silk of the robe over where a hole in her torso should be. It was flat and smooth and formed completely. Even her Hollow Hole was gone. It was as if nothing had happened. As if no fight had occurred. In fact, the whole situation was as if there had been no fighting ever.

The shadowy figure had drifted closer and taken form. It was a man. Kira felt herself float nearer to him. He was wearing white pants. His feet were bare like the girls. He had blue hair. Kira lifted a hand to acknowledge him. He flipped the bird at her in a very laid-back manner – he was grinning. Even his Hollow Hole was gone. The girl smiled a little and moved her body to create her own direction in the constant, never-ending ocean. Grimmjow watcher her carefully as she began to swim. She carved a wide circle around him, never breaking eye contact. She may be a talented killer, but she was also a little human. She had a personality. She had fun. She could relax. The man's expression changed. It became a little more accepting and a little less arrogant. He knew this woman. He trusted her. It had taken a time beyond their knowledge for that to occur, but he knew she was his friend. He would never say it out loud, not to her face, but he would acknowledge it. Comrades are not comrades without trust. You cannot fight beside a soldier without wanting to know what made him tick.

Tick.

Tick.

Tick.

The pair both paused at the noise.

Tock.

Tock.

Tock.

Kira looked around and saw no change. The noise changed distinctly.

Thub bub.

Thub bub.

Thub bub.

Grimmjow knew that anything could come from anywhere. They were in a bizarre place. It was watery, but there was no need to breathe. It was light, but there was no source. It was deep, but there was nuance. It was vast, but there was life. It was like a soul.

The noise continued. Kira felt something hammering against her chest. She looked down and saw nothing. The hammering continued. She waved at the water in front of her body and came to no conclusion. The beating continued. Rhythmically, pulsing, life-giving. Kira pressed her palm to her chest and felt the hammer come from the inside. It was like a jogger keeping pace. The girl looked up at Grimmjow.

He met her eye at the same instant.

Kira grabbed his hand, touching him for the first time. There was only one heartbeat. Surely one could only hear one's own. But you could feel another's. The girl put Grimmjow's palm against her chest. There was nothing sensual or romantic about it, there was just an understanding. The man paused for a moment. Kira lifted his hand back and hesitated a moment as she let go. The girl reached her fingertips out to touch him.

The desire for air reached her violently. Bubbles started to appear out of everywhere, anywhere. Kira's throat burned. It tasted like blood. Things became uncomfortable. Her muscles ached solidly. Her skin was desperately cool in some places and warm in others.

The bubbles completely obscured the vision of the pair. They couldn't see each other or anything else. Everything was turning white. Kira didn't know if Grimmjow was okay. If he was still alive. If Aizen had not killed him as he had so many others.

The girl was suddenly dry and horizontal, her body strapped to a moving platform. A plastic something was strapped to her face and her head hurt significantly.

All the Novena Espada could hear was "female, unknown age, tattoo of the number '9' on right shoulder, condition critical..."

Kira felt a stinging around her torso. But there was nothing at her throat. The damage that would have killed her first was gone. The rest would seep and seep and seep until she disappeared.

"...two stab wounds to torso, bruising and minor cuts to other parts of the body, blood loss severe..."

The girl felt herself trundling along on the trolley she was taped to. It didn't make sense. It didn't make sense for her to be alive. Maybe the Shinigami had decided to keep her. The methods of medical care didn't make sense. The lack of injury didn't make sense.

Nothing made sense about the situation.

Kira realised that the voice she could hear was human. Very, markedly human. Human. Of all things, human. They could see her. They were going to treat her. They were helping her. The person they would call a demon and summon back to hell.

The cart stopped suddenly and Kira felt the straps holding her down loosen and her body lift onto another surface. Suddenly she was being probed, prodded. Kira forced herself back to life.

With a pointed gasp, her eyes flew open.

-

_I want to wake up kicking and screaming  
I want to live like I know what I'm leaving  
I want to know that my heart's still beating  
It's beating... it's beating...  
I'm bleeding._

_(Switchfoot, Awakening)_

-

------------------

Please remember to review and let me know what you (honestly) thought.

The story is not over yet. I'd like to hear what you, the readers, would think of a sequel. What would you like to see in it? Who? Do you even want a sequel? Ect, ect...

Thanks for reading, constructive criticism welcome.

Blessings,

Peterpauper


	12. Authors Note

-

**Authors Note**

**-**

Dear Readers,

Thank you to everyone who read Alexithymia and thank you to those who also reviewed. I sincerely hope that you enjoyed this fanfiction and got more out of it than a story.

I enjoyed writing it; the whole style, plot, characters, relationships and themes were very different to my usual stories and it was an interesting exploration of my abilities as a writer. Thank you to all who gave constructive criticism - I find it exceptionally helpful.

Now, I would like to know if you would like to see a sequel from this story, and if yes, what you would like to see within said sequel. I do need people to reply to this so that I know where to go with the future of Alexithymia and the characters within. So, please, leave me a message.

If you have any questions, comments, constructive criticism...then please review and let me know. I would be happy to reply.

Blessings,

Peterpauper.


	13. Au Fait Update

I know that you're waiting for Au Fait and I'm sorry its taking so long. Please understand that I am writing it whenever I can. I want it to be good for you and I'd rather take the time to do that than produce a pile of steam. I am very busy right now but I haven't forgotten you.

This is the note that will be posted at the beginning of Au Fait along with the poem that inspired it, Invictus (no, not the movie) by William Earnest Henley. It's not much but the first chapter is coming. I'll post an official date on my profile page as soon as I know what it's going to be. Not long now.

Again, I am sorry for the wait.

**Au Fait: Authors Note**

_Au Fait: being up to particular stan__dard or level especially in being up to date in knowledge._

Au Fait is the sequel to Alexithymia. Without the first story the second is incomplete. It needs its foundations. So please, if you intend to read this story please have read its former first.

I would rather have you understanding the story than getting lost within it.

For those of you that have read Alexithymia, I hope you're looking forward to Au Fait. I plan to post weekly, sometimes more and rarely less. I don't want you waiting in the lurch for the story so I'll update as often as I can.

As per usual, I value reviews highly. They really are the fuel to this story. You can make it on half a tank of gas, but you feel better if it was full. Your input, constructive criticism and contact means a lot to me and I really appreciate it. Without sounding prosaic, if you're reading, please be reviewing. I will try my best to reply to you as well.

Blessings,

- P.

_Out of the night that covers me,  
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,  
I thank whatever gods may be  
For my unconquerable soul._

In the fell clutch of circumstance  
I have not winced nor cried aloud.  
Under the bludgeonings of chance  
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears  
Looms but the Horror of the shade,  
And yet the menace of the years  
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,  
How charged with punishments the scroll.  
I am the master of my fate:  
I am the captain of my soul.

_(William Earnest Henley, Invictus)_


	14. Tumblr

**Tumblr  
**

Remember you can ask me anything on my tumblr. You can do it as an anon or through your own account.  
There you will also find pictures, quotes, music, videos...etc that I hope will inspire you as much as they inspire me.  
Its at www(.)peterpauper(.)tumblr(.)com  
Just remove the brackets because ffic wont let me post without them.

Sincerely,

P.

****


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